Reflections on My “Failure” During the College Entrance Exam

(Minghui.org) I just took my college entrance examination. Inspired by fellow practitioners’ experience sharing articles on cultivation and academic studies, I’d like to tell you about my journey, examine my attachments and the lessons I learned.

My life has been closely connected to Dafa from the very beginning. My mother who is a practitioner, told me that when she was pregnant with me, the doctor said I was in an abnormal position and a cesarean section may be necessary. My mom initially approached this with human notions and ordinary medical methods, but nothing worked. She eventually let go of her attachments and had righteous thoughts based on the Fa. I shifted to a normal position and I was born safely. Master looked after me even before I was born, and I’m deeply grateful to be born into a family of practitioners.

I read the Fa and practiced the exercises with my mother. As soon as I could speak, she taught me to read Zhuan Falun and I memorized Hong Yin. I did not attend kindergarten or preschool like other children. Instead, I studied the Fa, played by myself and read the truth clarification materials prepared by the adult practitioners. Master opened up my wisdom, and as a result, I consistently ranked among the top students in both elementary and junior high school.

I was admitted to a reputable high school and placed in the top class. However, my smooth academic journey fostered a lot of attachments, such as the pursuit of fame and fortune, a competitive mentality, jealousy, rejection of criticism, looking down on others and arrogance. I did not truly understand what it meant to cultivate and I avoided hardship. I pursued comfort and an easy life, and my understanding of Dafa remained superficial.

When I first began attending high school I cultivated diligently, followed Master’s Fa and successfully eliminated my addiction to my mobile phone. I even scored highest in my class. Before the exam, I had no pursuit of fame or a competitive mentality, which was a true reflection of my cultivation state. Master encouraged me with good grades. I knew I shouldn’t be proud. However, joy, looking down on others, arrogance, and a competitive mentality all crept in. As a result, I couldn’t maintain a calm mind when I studied and my grades began to fall. I realized the need to let go of my attachments, but I struggled to do it consistently.

In my senior year of high school, the competition in my class intensified, and my human attachments, including anxiety, contempt and resentment for others, surged as well. I lost my initial focused mindset and I could not concentrate when I did my homework. A classmate once told me, “I used to be obsessed with the pursuit of fame and fortune and it was exhausting. After I let it go I feel so relieved!”

I didn’t realize Master was using that classmate’s words to enlighten me. Fortunately, compassionate Master never gave up on me. Towards the end of my senior year I suddenly felt a strong urge to read Dafa books. I began reading the books tirelessly, along with the experience-sharing articles on the Minghui website. Dafa pulled me back and prevented me from drifting too far along with human notions.

Three days before the college entrance exam, I suddenly had the symptoms of fever. I sent forth righteous thoughts and refused to acknowledge any old force arrangements. I spent the entire day reading Zhuan Falun, and ignored my illness symptoms. After I finished reading the Fa all the symptoms disappeared. I felt like a completely new person and my righteous thoughts returned. I truly felt what Master said,

“... When disciples have ample righteous thoughtsMaster has the power to turn the tide”(“The Master-Disciple Bond”, Hong Yin II)

The first morning of the three-day college entrance exam, I had some unrighteous thoughts while I practiced the first set of exercises. I quietly sent forth righteous thoughts and all the fear and nervousness disappeared. The three-day college exam went smoothly. I was very confident that I would score very high and only prepared to apply for the top universities—I was completely unprepared for poor results.

The moment I saw my scores, I was stunned—they were far below my expectations. I burst into tears. Right after we took the exam I even comforted a classmate who complained that he did not do well. He ended up scoring very high. My jealousy and indignation suddenly flared up. At that moment, I realized the root cause: my pursuit of fame, a competitive mentality and jealousy. My desire for high scores is primarily driven by human attachments such as the desire to show off, not by righteous thoughts. When the result was not as expected, I blamed others and felt resentful.

This experience also made me realize that I did not truly understand Dafa cultivation. I always thought cultivation should be smooth and easy, and nothing would go wrong as long as I practiced. I did not fully believe in Master and Dafa. I did not understand the path Master arranged for me is always the best. Instead, I fantasized about controlling my own destiny. When I thought it over, I realized if I were to attend a prestigious university, I might lose my way under even more CCP indoctrination, as I did not have a strong cultivation foundation. In addition, the intense competition would likely strengthen my attachments.

Master’s arrangements are always meticulous and the best. For example, when I was choosing a high school, the one I eventually went to was the one I least wanted to attend. Master arranged for me to come here, and I found it was the perfect fit for me. I understand the main reason I always struggled to pass cultivation tests was that my main consciousness was not strong enough, and I was easily led by my many human notions. From now on, I must truly study the Fa well and strengthen my righteous thoughts, and walk steadily on the path Master arranged for me.

Above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.