(Clearwisdom.net)

Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!

I first began to practice Falun Dafa in 1997. Before this time, my life was full of frustrations and I had even attempted to commit suicide. After I began to practice, the thought of suicide became less and less until it eventually disappeared. I have been reciting the Fa even when I walk. Sometimes I woke up at around 2:00 am and had to read a couple of paragraphs from the books before I could go back to sleep soundly again. I had benefited a lot from the group study before 1999. I had passed some tests in my personal cultivation, and had experienced the wonder of "Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal" (from Essentials for Further Advancement) and the mighty power of benevolence.

For a while after 1999, I was still in my personal cultivation. But I often reminded myself that I didn't come to live an ordinary life; that I had come to practice cultivation. At that time, I always had tears running down my face whenever I sat down to meditate. Later I realized that the part of me that understands had seen Master's tremendous bearing for us. In June 2000, thanks to the sharing of other practitioners, I gave up my worries and went to Tiananmen Square. I felt the big-heartedness and joy of sacrificing for all sentient beings selflessly. In the difficult years afterwards, I was detained five times. The longest time was five days, while the shortest was a few hours. Under Master's compassionate protection, I have been striving forward in my Fa-rectification cultivation.

I started clarifying the truth by going to Tiananmen Square. Then I started to distribute a few flyers quietly after work. Eventually I was able to clarify the truth in front of my house and at my work place publicly. Finally I am able to clarify the truth wherever I am. I find that my fear has become less and less, and that it has been replaced by the responsibility and compassion to all sentient beings.

I am a teacher. I clarify the truth to the students in the classroom. The first time I planned to clarify the truth in class, I was kind of nervous. I had three classes, over 100 students. I had to tell them about it for at least 20 minutes. Before that I had subtly told them about many of Dafa's principles at the lowest levels, about being a good person, etc. I felt I must tell the students the truth; otherwise I would regret it, because this might be their only chance.

It turned out that every class applauded me enthusiastically. It showed their agreement with Dafa. And I was very happy. Afterwards it became rather natural. But when I told my husband, who is also a cultivator, tears came to his eyes. Those students have graduated now. One of them called me and told me that I was the only teacher that she remembered in her years of being in school. Though I knew they would remember me and remember what I told them, I still felt a little surprised. Recollecting my mentality at that time, I was really ready to give up everything in order to tell them the truth, and that I had nothing regret.

Once the neighborhood committee (in China, the Party has established neighborhood and street committees to carry out the Party's political will) made a picture display to slander Dafa, and posted it inside a glass show window. It was noon when I saw it. I opened the glass window door without hesitation, and tried to take the display down, but the picture boards were large pieces. Four or five pieces of them were a big bundle, which was too much for me to carry at once, yet I had no place to throw them away.

There was only one thing I could do, which was to clarify the truth to the neighborhood committee. I found some practitioners, and asked them to send forth righteous thoughts. They asked, "Is it useful to clarify the truth to the neighbor committee? After all, not many people would believe the content in the display boards anyway." I felt sad. No matter what others do, this was my responsibility.

I went to the neighborhood committee. Everyone was pretty kind except a director. Someone told me that there were over 30 display boards, and that they planned to show them successively. I made up my mind that as long as the display boards were not removed, I would serve as the live display board in front of their display and clarify the truth to the passersby.

So I began to stand there to clarify the truth every day. Other practitioners also came to clarify the truth. When we went home in the evening we strengthened our sending forth righteous thoughts. A few days later, the display was removed. The policeman from the "610 Office" came to me and said, "The neighborhood committee reported you. I beg you, could you please stop talking [clarifying the truth] everywhere?"

With the help of the Minghui website [Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net], we had more and more materials for clarifying the truth readily available to us, and learned more flexible methods to do so.

I never missed any classmates' gatherings regardless of the distance, and each time I could see different classmates and teachers. In addition, I tried to clarify the truth to all the people around me, including elevator operators, cab drivers, beggars, people who asked for directions, salespersons, electrical technicians, parents and siblings, and the classmates and friends of the children. Everybody is an audience for me to clarify the truth. For those whom I could not clarify the truth face to face, I would write down their addresses and send letters to them after I got home. I wrote down phone numbers and fax numbers and sent them overseas for the overseas practitioners to help. There are phone numbers and fax numbers on many things, such as the packages on food and electrical appliances. I pay attention and collect them all.

As long as I have a pure heart in saving all sentient beings, Master will help me. There was a time when we lost the source of the materials. At the most difficult time, the distribution of materials was recovered miraculously. When we had no source to get any VCDs, a copy of the VCD "Witness" was mailed to us from overseas without any request. I heard that there was the VCD program of "Fengyu Tiandixing" [Travel Between Heaven and Earth in the Wind and Rain]. I really wanted to get it. I searched for it for a long time, and asked every single practitioner that I knew, but everyone told me that they couldn't get it either. I had a chance to go to another area to clarify the truth in the summer of 2004. I asked Master every day when I burned incense, "Master, please help me to get this VCD. I really need it to save the people." A few days before leaving, I still had not obtained the VCD. I stopped contacting other practitioners. After I came back, I was told that two days before I left, they received the "Fengyu Tiandixing" VCD. I had a multitude of feelings surge up that day. I blamed myself for not having good enlightenment quality, and not believing in Master faithfully. And I was sorry that I didn't get to use it this time. But mostly I felt very happy that we had the VCD that would clarify the truth most completely. What a big role it will play! That was a day I was the happiest in the past few years.

I was illegally arrested five times over the several years, and after each arrest I was able to come out of the detention center and go back home in a dignified manner. One very critical factor is that I always keep my righteous thoughts. I always remember that I am Dafa disciple and that I have come to assist Master in Fa-rectification, instead of living an ordinary life. In this way I am able to use my righteous thoughts to treat the tribulations that I experienced during the dangerous situations. I remember that I am playing a major role on the big stage of the human world and that I have not come to this world to endure tribulations.

The second time I went to Tiananmen Square to validate Dafa, I was arrested when I practiced the exercises in front of the police. I only thought of protecting my own faith and refused to acknowledge any "wrongdoing." I was not afraid of even losing my job. But, I was able to work as usual. I was also assigned a new apartment by my work unit. After each time that I validated Dafa, I found that I had loopholes in my previous understandings and mindsets. I went from using a confrontational mentality to stop the police from their evildoings, to clarifying the truth to the police, but with a mentality of treating them differently so as to get out of detention quickly, to passionately persuading the police to be kind, with only the one thought of assisting Master in Fa-rectification and without any attachment to being released or not. I feel that I should not be afraid and that I still have shortcomings. As long as I can always remember my mission of assisting Master in Fa-rectification and my position of playing a major role on the big stage of the human world, all abnormal mentalities will be corrected by Dafa and all the bad things can be turned into the good things. In this way, all abnormal mentalities will be corrected by Dafa and all the bad things can be turned into the good things. The several times that I was illegally arrested have become vivid examples that I can use in my truth-clarification.

One time, a policeman and my company leader came to take me to the brainwashing center. I had never been sent to a brainwashing center before, nor had anyone tried to brainwash me. So in front of the local policeman and my company leader, I felt very intense (but not scared), and I could not help preventing my legs from shaking. But I just had one thought in my mind, "What should I do in order to refuse to cooperate with the evils?" The local policeman threatened, "You can go there either on your own or by being carried by others," and "You will be sent to Masanjia Forced Labor Camp if you refuse to be reformed [i.e., brainwashed] after you go there." They also mentioned that one of my fellow practitioners has already been "Reformed" and confessed that it was I who was providing the Dafa materials that were in circulation in our local areas.

After I heard that, I just felt a little surprised, but I did not have any grudge toward this fellow practitioner, nor did I deny that I provided the materials. I thought that it would be better if the police believed that I had given out the Dafa materials, so that they would not make trouble for other practitioners. I still did not have a clear understanding of the issue from the perspective of Dafa. I had just obtained a copy of "A Suggestion," a new article from Master Li. I did not know that it meant to not cooperate with the evil. Should I refuse to go without concern for whether I live or die, or should I go to the brainwashing center to clarify the truth?

I still had a grudge toward the policeman, so although I wanted to follow what Master had suggested in his new article and tell the policeman the principle that good is rewarded with good and the evil is met with evil, I did not feel like saying it, as I felt that saying it that way was like cursing. I decided to go to the brainwashing center so I could take Master's new articles there. If no practitioners in the brainwashing center could come to understand their mistakes, I would find a way to get out.

In the end, while they were taking me to the brainwashing center, I suddenly showed symptoms of a heart attack. So this incident ended up with them sending me to the hospital and then back home. Later the local policeman was criticized for "improperly carrying out his duty." Before this incident, my husband had been abducted to the brainwashing center. Later he told me that he had a thought while he was arrested, "It is bad that this time I cannot see my child anymore." As a result, he "enlightened" along an evil path in the brainwashing center.

No matter whether I was at home or I was detained, I never thought that I would be detained there long. I remember that when I once exchanged views on this topic with fellow practitioners, practitioner A, who had been illegally arrested and later "Reformed" against his own will, said, "I will not get brainwashed the next time that I am arrested."

I said, "Why should you be arrested? If this happens, I will certainly come out... no matter how I came out, standing or lying (dead)." This practitioner said that I was too radical.

Before long, we were arrested when we were sharing our cultivation experiences and understandings. I was six months pregnant. Although I was not afraid of being arrested, I was afraid that I would be forced to abort my pregnancy. I was able to think of the issue in a different way, that is, since my child came for the Fa, as long as I walked my path well, he would have a good fate no matter what he would encounter in the human world. So I calmed down, and clarified the truth to the police. I recited "Lunyu,"[preface of the book Zhuan Falun] sent forth righteous thoughts, and led other practitioners to do the exercises. When I was clearly aware that I was in a major role on the big stage of the human world, the police would be very nice to me and even act as if they were my servants. But when I lost my compassion, did not have the mindset of saving sentient beings, and held grudges and was discontented, the police would treat me badly by pushing me around. After twenty hours, I did not give out my name. The police did not take my photo either (the police took the photos of all others). I went back home in a dignified manner. Practitioner A was sentenced to two years of forced labor and endured a huge tribulation (including deprivation of sleep for over thirty days). Practitioner A, for the second time, became "reformed.".

What shocked me most was my escape from danger several months ago:

In our local area, many Dafa practitioners have been illegally sentenced to prison or labor camp. Many of the practitioners who were not arrested only accepted Master's new articles, and they were unwilling to accept the Dafa truth clarification materials. Seeing this situation, I was very worried. I then recalled a dream I had last year: Some classmates and I were taking an exam. When the exam time was almost over, I still had several questions not answered, but I knew that I had no problem in passing the exam. Then the teacher in charge of the exam came over. He took away my pen and pointed to the answer sheets of my classmates, who had answered almost nothing in their exam sheets, saying "You hurry up and help them answer the questions!"

I knew that I should help these fellow practitioners. But when I actually did, I felt it was very difficult, and it was much more difficult than clarifying the truth to the public.

Some practitioners had a lot of time and money, but they were tied up tightly by their ordinary human mentalities. They thought that it did not matter whether they had Dafa materials or not, and did not take the initiative to prepare the materials by themselves. I wanted to find the opportunity to share understandings with them, but only a few of them gave positive responses to my proposed sharing.

When I clarified the truth to the public around me, I felt the worst was when I heard them saying, "Why are you so foolish? So-and-so is also a Dafa practitioner, but he has declared to the outside that he has quit the practice. He has lost none of his benefits. When getting back home, he can do whatever he wants to do. Who knows what is going on?" Whenever I met these practitioners, I would kindly remind them. I had experienced situations like being refused when I asked my fellow practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts and hand out truth-clarification material together with me. For instance, I was unable to get any Dafa materials after carrying my baby four or five hours through the snow to get them. Even when the practitioners who had just come out of the labor camp refused to accept the materials I brought to them I often encouraged myself by saying "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you can do it."

After a long time, however, I felt both tired and disappointed. At that time, there were two opportunities to go abroad coming up. I was moved by these opportunities. Thinking about my family members, relatives, and friends in China, I had clarified the truth to almost all of them, and I had nothing to regret. My major responsibility of staying in China was to help the practitioners who had not stepped forward to step out. After seeing so few results after so long a time, I felt it would be easy for me to just go abroad. Although I thought about going abroad, I had not initiated the preparation processes for various reasons.

This incorrect mindset and thoughts of just wanting to validate the Dafa on my own had provided an excuse for the old forces to make trouble for me. One day, at midnight, fellow practitioner B's mother called from overseas and told me that practitioner B was abducted to the brainwashing center. She asked me to leave home and find a safe place to stay. I hurriedly collected my materials and left home at dawn. On the road, I didn't even have time to clarify the truth to the taxi driver. After I came to my classmate's home, she was very cold in accepting me. I started to think about it, "Why have I become so hurried? Haven't I come to save sentient beings?" I then went back home. Later, practitioner B's mother called me again several times, asking me to hide. She also told me that the "610 Office" had asked practitioner B the source of the Dafa materials, and that practitioner B was about to collapse under the pressure. From what I understrood about practitioner B's words and actions, I felt that it was very difficult for practitioner B to step out of detention with righteous thoughts.

(To be continued)

(From the First Written Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China)

October 14, 2004