(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings to Master! Greetings to fellow practitioners!

I am a practitioner from northeast China. I would like to share my experience of validating the Fa the past several years from the perspective of harmonizing my family, righteous thoughts and actions, and coordinating as one body.

I was a manager in a business before I started to practice. I was busy doing business and engaging in social activities. I ate out and drank alcohol all the time; I fought for fame and gain; I said things I didn't mean and did things I didn't want to do in order to get ahead. I was courted by many people and was extremely popular. Excessive drinking caused me to become ill. I had heart problems, stomachaches, rheumatoid arthritis, lower back pain, migraines, and blood in my urine. I was short-tempered and my relationship with my family was very tense. My husband wanted a divorce. I couldn't stand the degenerating morality in society, hated my life and the fact that everyone wore a mask. I thought about renouncing the world and becoming a nun.

I read Zhuan Falun by chance and wept after I finished the book. I wondered why I didn't get to listen to Master a few years earlier. I lamented over my past and for not having found Falun Dafa sooner. Now I found my destiny and the true principles that were more precious than life. My aimless and empty heart finally found a "home." This was more valuable than anything money could buy. I knew why I existed and the significance of life. I was no longer short-tempered, and there was no more fighting, no excessive drinking and no gambling. My neighbors said that I had changed for the better and praised me in front of my family. My family lived in harmony and peace. My life was full of sunshine, happiness and hope.

The persecution started on July 20, 1999, and unprecedented evil bore down. I went to Beijing to appeal in 2000 and was jailed for 15 days. An ordeal for my family started then. The police came to my home and tried to force me to write statements renouncing Falun Dafa. I refused and was taken to a police station. Three policemen were watching me. I thought to myself that I shouldn't be there, and that I must go to Beijing to appeal. The Fa was not rectified yet, Teacher was being slandered, and practitioners were suffering in prison. I eventually escaped when the police fell asleep.

The next time I went to Tiananmen Square I displayed a Falun Dafa banner. When I returned home, my family criticized me, saying that I had lost my senses due to practicing Falun Gong and abandoned my family and child. The evil persecution had been going on for several years and my family would not listen to the truth and they did not understand me. They claimed that a normal person (i.e. me) became insane after practicing and abandoned her child and family. My neighbors looked at me as if I were insane; my parents-in-law came to my home to scold me; my sister-in-law spread rumors about me. The worse thing was that my uncle, who adored me the most, slandered Teacher. My younger brother fought with the rest of the family because he thought I was being treated unfairly.

Facing all this, my heart sunk. The reason I went to Beijing was to save sentient beings. Now my entire family, who were sentient beings as well, was against me and wouldn't listen to the truth. They said that if Falun Gong was good, I should just practice it at home and there was no need to go out in public. They said that the government was too powerful for us to stand up for our rights. Because of their attitudes, my heart hardened towards them and I refused to clarify the truth to them.

I went to Beijing twice and came back safely. Practitioners said that I had righteous thoughts and wanted me to deliver truth-clarification materials. Not long after that, the materials production site was broken into and I was illegally arrested for posting truth-clarifying flyers. Later I found that it was because I had an attachment to fame. Though I eventually escaped from the police, I ended up having no place to go.

After I escaped and couldn't go home, my husband was very angry. Facing family responsibilities and emotional frustration, he wanted a divorce again. My husband wouldn't listen to the truth and started to sell the house, as his parents were inciting him to do so. No one was taking care of my child at that time and I was too scared to go home. I didn't know what to do. I just felt sad for my child. I thought of Teacher's compassionate salvation, the necessity to upgrade my xinxing, and the sentient beings that needed to be saved. So I decided to leave my family matters behind for a while.

Since I couldn't go home, I clarified the truth wherever I went. I would find practitioners who gave in to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and renounced Falun Gong in other areas and read them Teacher's articles "A Suggestion" and "Dafa Is Indestructible." I told them stories about other practitioners' righteous thoughts and actions, hoping to help these practitioners come back to the Fa. These practitioners would often return to Fa rectification once they understood the truth.

Other practitioners would praise me, saying I was doing very well in the practice. I thus became big-headed and forgot "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master." (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun) I went to a forced labor camp to rectify the environment, and was arrested there. After a fifteen day hunger strike, the camp released me on bail to go to a hospital. I didn't try to find my attachment after I was released. Instead, I was moved by the attachment of fame, "See how well I did. I was sentenced to one year, but was released in fifteen days." I didn't study the Fa calmly after I returned from the labor camp. I was very eager to do something for Dafa. I gave tens of thousand of yuan to the materials production site. I would take as much material as I needed, and would not hesitate to distribute truth materials and hang banners. The only thing I wouldn't do was cultivate my xinxing. Soon the materials site was destroyed by the evil and I again had nowhere to stay. I thought the practitioners wouldn't be able to get online to read articles on Minghui (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) or Teacher's lectures, so I took 10,000 yuan from home and planned to build a new materials production site.

I had never been to a computer store. A practitioner went with me to a commercial area to look for a computer. I walked around and didn't spend any money because neither of us knew about computers. My physical condition was not well because of my hunger strike in the forced labor camp. My legs were swollen. I begged Teacher in my mind to help me find the best computer for saving sentient beings. We walked around once more and stopped in front of a laptop. I didn't want to move on because I felt very comfortable with that laptop. I realized that it must be Teacher's hint that I buy it.

After I bought the laptop, I bought a small printer. After I was done shopping, I was very worried because I didn't know how to use the computer and printer and I didn't know how to get online. I had no one to turn to. I was very troubled and started to cry on the train. I got off the train, got settled in a hotel, and then I started to look for a certain practitioner.

I didn't remember where that practitioner lived because I had only been there once. I walked around the entire morning and was tired and hungry. I asked Teacher for help to find the practitioner and be able to use the things I bought. Soon an old man came along and I asked him, "Mister, where is so-and-so's home?" He stared at me and said, "Do you practice Falun Gong?!" I was caught off guard and replied, "Oh, no, no. I just want to buy something from him." The old man told me it was the house we were standing in front of. I immediately regretted that I didn't pass the small test and I dared not admit that I was a practitioner. I simply didn't have righteous thoughts! I had been walking around the practitioner's home for half a day! After I entered the house, I learned that just two days before, that practitioner left his home and couldn't return because of the persecution. My only hope was gone and I had no choice but to go home.

Teacher had arranged everything. A month later, I found a practitioner from the previous materials production site. I gave him the computer and printer I had bought and rented a place to establish a new site. The production site started to grow and a lot of practitioners frequently went in and out. Most of the practitioners depended on us and passively waited at home for materials. They would distribute whatever they got. There was no overall coordination and improvement. We also had a security issue. I didn't study the Fa enough and was just busy doing Dafa work without looking inward. The equipment kept having problems so I just kept replacing it. I spent a lot of money and forgot that I was a practitioner. I forgot that Teacher said that we must be practitioners doing Dafa work.

One day a practitioner was arrested while distributing truth-clarifying materials. He couldn't stand the torture and told the police the address of the materials production site we rented. We lost more than 200 thousand yuan worth of equipment and 10 practitioners were sent to forced labor camps. I was arrested too. The third day after the arrest, to escape the persecution, I jumped from a building and injured my spine. As I was very close to dying, I told Teacher that I couldn't die because there was a lot of Dafa work that still needed to be done. I survived.

At that time, all the diligent local practitioners were detained and the materials production site was totally shut down. What I had on my mind was that local practitioners couldn't read articles from Minghui and had no truth-clarifying materials to distribute. I had to fix this. Later I was sent to a hospital and a doctor said that I would be paralyzed without surgery. I claimed that I was all right, but still cooperated and had the surgery. This later brought trouble to my cultivation.

While I was in the hospital, I read the entire book Zhuan Falun each day. My lower back stopped hurting me and I was able to get out of bed three days after the surgery. My doctor was a little hesitant and told me that a steel plate in my back had not totally healed yet. I told him I was fine because I practice Falun Gong. I left the hospital on day 12 and got out of the building I lived in on day 15. I wanted to validate the Fa. My neighbor was shocked seeing me out so soon after my surgery. Even the police who followed me whispered to each other in amazement.

Because I was being unreasonable, my husband couldn't take it any longer. He didn't come to see me when I was in the hospital and was smoking, drinking, gambling, and going out with other women. I didn't know what to do after I got home. My husband would not talk to me, and his mother tried to convince him to divorce me and take all the money.

I was moved by human sentiments, anger, hatred, jealousy, and feelings of being wronged. I decided that I would not stay with him any longer. I drove him away when he came home and complained that he was dirty. I could only think of how kind and devoted I was to him and hence my anger was boiling. I was angry when I saw him and felt lost when he was absent. I couldn't let go of my qing, even though I knew it was a filthy thing human beings possess. The conflicts at home grew and phone calls from other women never stopped. I suffered so much from qing and couldn't overcome it. One day my husband moved out with our child.

One day my husband asked me if I really wanted to split up with him. My first thought was not saving sentient beings, but that he was cheating on me. I was determined to split up with him, thinking that I should take this opportunity so no one would interfere with my cultivation practice and Dafa work. I bit my lips and told him to leave and never come back. I stood by the window watching him go.

He lived with another woman. I was curious and wanted to see what she looked like--was she prettier than me? I opened the door and I saw him cheek to cheek with her. He had a big smile, and she was caressing his face. Our child was in another room with no one caring for her.

Teacher said,

"You have had mothers who were human and non-human, and there are too many of them to be numbered. It is also countless how many sons and daughters you have had throughout your different lifetimes. Who is your mother? Who is your son or daughter? No one knows it after one passes away. You must still pay for what you owe others." (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I suddenly woke up from the dream of life. My heart was full of compassion. I smiled and asked the woman whether she knew any Falun Gong practitioners. She said no, so I gave her a truth-clarification pamphlet and a VCD. I told her to cherish her life now because this was a predestined meeting. I took my child home and called the woman and spoke to her about the truth of the persecution for 40 minutes. My attachment seemed to disappear and I started to calmly study the Fa, exercise, and send forth righteous thoughts at home.

A week later, my husband called me and told me he broke up with that woman. I felt nothing.

After a while, my husband didn't do well in his job and also contracted a terminal illness. I felt obligated and pitied him, so I took him home. His nose emitted a putrid odor. The smell filled the entire room. I had to help him clean out the nasal mucus and the smell was so bad that it gave me a headache. When I recalled how he treated me when I was in the hospital, I was not happy. I took care of him every day and went to visit the doctor with him.

Seeing him lying in bed, I thought to myself, "As a Dafa practitioner, I came here to save sentient beings and I couldn't even save a member of my own family? Isn't this also the old forces' persecution?" I told myself to validate the Fa and save sentient beings no matter how tired and how wronged I felt. It was my cultivation.

While I was trying my hardest to improve my attitude, my husband snuck out on me and went to live in a prostitution house. I asked him to come out and with a smirk he asked me to live there too. I told him sternly and with patience that a Dafa practitioner would not live in that kind of place. He then began to shout at me. My attachments arose and I got frustrated and wanted to just walk away. After I calmed down, I realized that my worst attachments to sentiment were jealousy and wanting to possess my husband. Because he was my husband, I wanted him to be mine and listen to me only, and I wouldn't let him go anywhere.

In the article "Cultivators' Avoidances," Teacher said,

"Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives." (Essentials for Further Advancement)

I found and let go of my attachment and felt relaxed afterward. At the same time, his attitude changed.

It is also a Dafa practitioner's duty to harmonize his/her family. I tried to get him to read Zhuan Falun. I also read the book to him and taught him the exercises. Since we were divorced and I was a practitioner, I couldn't live with a man who was not my husband. In order to take care of him, and for his family and friends to accept Dafa, I suggested we get married again. During this time, I tried my best to do well and purify myself so he could understand the goodness of Dafa from a practitioner's behavior.

I was persecuted many times, hence my family suffered as well. I didn't clarify the truth to them and caused them to hate Teacher and Dafa. After I remarried my husband, his parents were moved by my benevolence and came to understand that Dafa is good. Even the neighbors said that I was kind.

The police hired my neighbors to monitor me. So I often talked to them about everyday things and snuck the truth about Falun Gong into the conversation. My neighbor's family started to practice Dafa. They all realized that Dafa is good. Every time there was a warning from the officials, they would tell me to be careful. When the police came to my home to harass me, my neighbors would reprimand the police, "What's wrong with Falun Gong? See how kind she is? Falun Dafa IS good and I dare to shout that openly in the street."

My husband, through studying the Fa and doing the exercises, gradually understood the Fa principles. He would come to the group practice every day. My home became a cultivation environment. He withdrew from the evil CCP and took the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party to work to show his colleagues. Once, in a meeting he openly proposed that his colleagues withdraw from the CCP. Sometimes a lot of practitioners would come to our house and he would cook for us with no complaint. This gave me more time to do Dafa work.

Once a practitioner told me that the police were planning to take me to a brainwashing center and wanted me to hide for a while. I thought, "Teacher told us that we shouldn't avoid difficulties for they are good opportunities to clarify the truth. I shouldn't have to hide. Don't practitioners deserve a home? Since the police found me, I should do well and have firm belief in Dafa. Practitioners should create their own environment." I would not acknowledge the excuses the evil used to persecute me. I stayed at home without going to hide at all.

Three days after that, the police surrounded my house. I opened the door to let them in and asked them what they wanted. They told me their supervisor wanted to see me and I needed to go with them. I refused and called the director of the police station and solemnly told him, "Whatever happens in my house, YOU are responsible. What are you arresting me for? You will only get a dead body from me. I have written my will and I will have my family sue you." The police asked me whom I would sue, and I answered, "Whoever persecutes me."

I clarified the truth righteously and confidently and exposed the evil persecution that had been going on for the past several years. The police compromised in the end and said that I didn't have to go with them, but I had to allow their supervisor to come talk to me. I refused. The police asked my husband to persuade me. I told my husband not to trust them because many practitioners were deceived this way and ended up being arrested. The police had no more tricks. Before they left, they told me hypocritically, "We are just doing our job. You shouldn't go to Beijing. Otherwise, we will lose our jobs."

I was sending righteous thoughts during the whole incident. Afterwards, I felt the evil could no longer move me. I was enlightened to what Teacher said in "Also in a Few Words," from Essentials for Further Advancement II,

"However strong the righteous thoughts are, that's how great the power is."

More and more I could feel the power of righteous thoughts. I have been making truth-clarification materials at home for several years. Because of Teacher's compassionate protection, I have not had any trouble.

After the last materials production site was destroyed, we didn't have a new one for two months. Everyone was a little anxious. Through sharing, we learned the disadvantage and security problems of a large material site. We decided to go with small, family-based sites.

I bought a computer and a printer and started to make truth-clarification materials at home. Because I was persecuted many times and every time we were arrested only I was able to escape, some practitioners started to think that I was a secret CCP agent. They even spread this rumor among other practitioners. Consequently, practitioners started to become afraid to take the materials I made. At the same time, I also had family issues and that gave me a lot of pressure. A practitioner even said with his finger on my nose, "I doubt you are a real practitioner!"

I almost collapsed. I felt I was so wronged. What kind of secret agent would donate this much money to Dafa work? I couldn't stop crying and was very upset. But then I realized that no matter how wronged I was, I still needed to deliver materials to practitioners, otherwise they wouldn't be able to read articles from Teacher and Minghui and wouldn't be able to keep up with the Fa-rectification process.

I studied three chapters of Zhuan Falun every day, sent forth righteous thoughts and made truth-clarifying materials, but did not look inward. I thought, "I didn't do anything wrong. I followed what Teacher said--it was not wrong to expose the evil." I would work on my own if they wouldn't help. I would get online and download articles myself. I wouldn't listen to anyone. I measured practitioners based on how much Dafa work they did. I became a flashlight that could illuminate others' attachments, but not my own. Sometimes I said something was my fault, but what I actually thought was it was someone else's fault. When I studied the Fa, I studied it for someone else, trying to find what other practitioners' deficiencies were - "Oh, this paragraph is pointing out this practitioner's problem and that paragraph is pointing out that practitioner's problem." Eventually, I would yell and fight with other practitioners like an ordinary person. I couldn't believe that was THEIR xinxing level and I thought I did not have time to deal with this since I was busy and I had to study the Fa and do Dafa work! The conflict grew worse, and practitioners started to refuse to work with me. After making the materials I had to distribute them myself.

During this period of time, I helped practitioners in adjacent areas build small materials production sites. For security reasons, I didn't want local practitioners to know that I could get online. Practitioners who worked with me for several years didn't know that I had a computer at home. But when I saw the article, "Expose the Evil Happening Locally to the Local People (With Master's Comments)", I realized that if local practitioners still couldn't read Minghui's articles, they would really lag behind the Fa-rectification process. I let go of my selfishness and invited local practitioners to my home to read Minghui online. Now many practitioners use the Internet at my home and the segregation of many years disappeared. I saw the bright side of practitioners after I let go of self, and I saw my own insufficiencies when attachments could no longer move me.

I started to cry as I wrote about my experiences. They were tears from not being able to meet Teacher's expectations and compassionate salvation and from feeling ashamed of how I had treated other practitioners. After I put my attachment of "working for Dafa" aside and looked at myself again, I saw how weak my personal cultivation was. Though I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and clarified the truth every day, I didn't look inward when I encountered conflicts, did not improve based on the Fa, and did not seriously look at every test. Even with practitioners pointing out my attachment, I looked for excuses in the Fa to defend myself. Teacher said in Falun Gong,

"You may not have heard it clearly. Xinxing covers a broad area, with De being a part of it. It also includes Ren (forbearance), the ability to bear sufferings, enlightenment quality, how you deal with conflicts, etc. All of these are issues of Xinxing that also include the transformation of Gong and De. This is a broad matter. How much De you have does not indicate how much Gong you possess. Instead, it refers to how much your Gong can develop in the future. Only through the improvement of Xinxing can De be transformed into Gong."

In "Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. International Fa Conference" Teacher said,

"That's as much as I'll say today. Your sharing experiences and understandings is important, too. Under any circumstance, in any period, and no matter how busy you are with your work, you can't stray from your Fa-study, as this is what fundamentally ensures that you will improve and reach Consummation. You can't do Dafa work without studying the Fa, or it would be an everyday person doing Dafa work. It has to be Dafa disciples who do Dafa work--this is the requirement for you. If everyday people help with Dafa work, of course it's a good thing, but what I'm talking about are Dafa disciples. You must be a Dafa disciple doing Dafa work, because your Consummation is of primary importance. Right now, your Consummation is first and foremost. Of course, your being responsible to Dafa and saving sentient beings is part of your Consummation. I'll tell you this: you're all saying that Master is saving all sentient beings, but when you all reach Consummation and look back, you'll see all the sentient beings you saved back then. When you clarify the truth you are saving sentient beings." (Guiding the Voyage)

After I relinquished my selfishness and found my attachment of "working for Dafa" and wanting fame, I looked back and I realized that all the conflicts emerged from my attachments. Other practitioners were also looking inward for their insufficiencies. The entire area then formed a harmonized, unbreakable body.