(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Master, greetings fellow practitioners!
When I picked up my pen to write this article, I felt all sorts of emotions surging within me. Reflecting on my ten years of cultivation, I was meticulously cared for and led by Teacher in every step. Along the way, I have stopped, stumbled and fallen from time to time. Each time, because of Teacher's grace, I was able to forge ahead. Thinking of this, my tears flowed.
I obtained the Fa in late 1998. After the CCP began to persecute Falun Gong, I went to Beijing twice to appeal. After I returned, I was detained and subjected to brainwashing. My wife, like other practitioners' family members, endured lots of pressure, and this impacted her both mentally and physically. When I was released after being "transformed" at the brainwashing center, I had completely lost the environment of studying the Fa and practicing the exercises at home. I was flooded with fear, conflicting emotions, the CCP's culture, and an avalanche of propaganda. My wife monitored me each day. She went so far as to tear up the books which I checked out from library that had anything to do with prehistoric culture . She would not put up with anything related to Falun Gong.
Ashamed of being "transformed", I tried to seek a way out. Since I did not remember much Fa, I always used a human mentality to solve tough problems and this would make matters worse. Every struggle made things worse for me. At that time, it seemed to me that she represented an obstacle as tall as a mountain. I couldn't figure out why it was so tough, and then I remembered Teacher's Fa, "There is no constraint between this qi and that qi."(Zhuan Falun). I did not fundamentally get out of a human being's way of thinking then. How can a human being who follows the principles of the old universe surpass the divine?
Sometimes I walked onto the path arranged by the old forces unconsciously. For example, I forced myself to be tolerant of her, and I satisfied all of her requirements unconditionally. I was obedient to her on everything, important or trivial, inside or outside of the home, and even things that were obviously absurd. I tried to move her by renouncing anything a normal person would own. However, as a result, my space of freedom was compressed tremendously, and I was suffocated so much that it nearly drove me mad. I could not break out, and I also could not endure it. I felt that cultivation was too hard. Actually, that was not the cultivation form arranged by Teacher. I thought more than once that in my next lifetime, I'd rather be a stone than a human being.
When I discovered that this path did not have an outlet, with a fellow practitioner's help, I switched to another way. I began to strive for rights as a human being, as a man and as a husband through the means of an everyday person. Modern people do all kinds of bad things like gambling or even visit prostitutes. Why could I not practice exercises and cultivate myself to be a better person? I turned from meekly submitting to winning back my rights. As a result, conflicts arose all over my home. I stood fast and never conceded anything, even not backing down when it involved physical contact. That was actually fighting evil with evil. Sometimes, I indulged my demon nature that had been constrained for a long time. Several years passed by. My environment did not improved substantively. I merely won the right of studying the Fa or practicing exercises while not in her presence. She was miserable, and I was also exhausted.
During these years, I did not stop clarifying the truth about Dafa to her, but my ways were not proper. So every time things wouldn't go the way I wanted them to. Each time it would end in discord, and sometimes she would even say bad things about Dafa. Sometimes I warned her sternly, "You must be responsible for each of your words. You will meet with karmic retribution." She would tell me, "That is your fault. If you did not mention Falun Gong, I would not say bad things about it." I was very distressed, but I thought what I did was right. If I failed to clarify the truth about Dafa to her, she would be weeded out. After innumerable failures and many painful struggles, I realized that human emotion was present in my efforts.
"Why don't they let you move up? It is because your xinxing has not improved. There are different criteria for every level. If you want to reach a higher level, you must abandon your ill thoughts and clean out your filthy things in order to assimilate to the requirements of the standard at that level. Only by doing so can you ascend" (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun).
I stopped clarifying the truth to her with intent, and I tried to cultivate myself in everything that I did.
"The relationships among one another should remain normal. Of course, you have a very high xinxing level and an upright mind. You will upgrade your own xinxing and your own level; you do not commit wrongdoing and only do good deeds - these are only such a manifestation. Some people conduct themselves as though they are either mentally abnormal or they have seen enough of this secular world. They say things that others cannot comprehend. Others will say: 'How come a person who learns Falun Dafa becomes like this? It seems he has a mental problem'"(Lecture 8, Zhuan Falun).
After I let go of my attachments and conducted myself better, my home became much more tranquil. Gradually she could discuss some issues with me calmly. She avoided mentioning Falun Gong, and I didn't push her. Some of my views and foresight, though, made her see me in a new light.
In my daily life, I also behaved in accordance with the principles of Dafa. My mother was seriously ill and had difficulty moving around. My father was bedridden with sickness for a long time. I devoted a great deal of energy to taking care of them. My neighbors praised me profusely for my actions. When my wife complained, I persuaded her gently with principles I learned from Dafa. Later I discovered that when she chatted with others, she always praised my filial piety. That was a big surprise to me. Everyone has his or her sensible side. Who would not like a kind person? Her friends all knew that I am a Falun Gong practitioner. Will that not validate the glory of Dafa? Later she also became good to my parents. She explained to me that she did not want to look back in the future and regret her actions.
An article published on the Minghui website impressed me deeply. It said that the CCP's propaganda relied on a major excuse that practitioners were irrational and biased. If we display such tendencies in our lives, then we are providing the evil with an opening. If we demonstrate a sensible, positive, and gentlemanly demeanor, people will respect us. Then the truth about Dafa will flow into the hearts of people with predestined relationships much more easily.
The change in my wife also validated Dafa's power of correcting people's minds. Only by our following a righteous path, could Dafa's might be properly demonstrated. Sometimes her change exceeded my expectations. For example, once I forgot to lock the drawer with truth-clarification materials inside. When I got home from work, I thought that she would lose her temper. But she just said, "Remember to lock it next time." Actually that is the logical thing within the Fa since the evil behind her did not have the excuse of causing a disturbance. There have been so many of Teacher's painstaking hints and careful arrangements in everything that has happened. At present, both she and our child have quit from the Youth League and Young Pioneers. After getting rid of the control from the CCP's specter, she became much more cheerful. She even worked to thicken the cushion that I use for doing the meditation exercises. When I clarified the truth about Dafa and gave out CD's in front of her, she said nothing.
Through intensive Fa study and the improvement of my xinxing, my home environment improved dramatically. My father quit the CCP. My mother used to be a senior CCP member who was poisoned and deeply deceived by the CCP. In the end, she quit the CCP and began to practice Falun Gong, and she also helped my sister and brother-in-law to quit the CCP and the Youth League. Presently, she persists in reading one chapter of Zhuan Falun each day. Her xinxing and health have both improved. We often share experiences on Fa study and xinxing cultivation. Sometimes she spends her own money to make truth-clarification materials. So long as our behavior conforms to the principles of the universe, there is no tribulation we cannot overcome, and no minds we cannot rectify.
Presently, I attend group Fa study twice a week. At home, I study the Fa, practice the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts and make truth-clarification CD's. My wife has accepted this quietly. Recalling the verse "Lost in tribulations, one blames the heavens" ("Who Dares Give Up the Heart of Ordinary People", Hong Yin) two years ago, I felt like that was another world. "As you get rid of human mentality, evil is naturally defeated" ("Don't Be Sad", Hong Yin Volume II). My deepest thanks to Teacher.
