(Clearwisdom.net) My mother has many Dafa books at home. It was out of my interest in reading that I once picked up Zhuan Falun and read it. Halfway through the book, I realized I didn't understand what it was about. I really wanted to find out. The more I read, the more I felt the book seemed plain and simple, much like doing daily chores. But I knew that, in its essence, it was not just an ordinary book. Nevertheless, I finished reading it at once. I thought what was in the book was very sacred, but I still couldn't recall what it was really about. At that time, I was an ordinary person. I watched a lot of TV and read many fiction stories. I sometimes had fantasies of love between men and women. My mind is still affected by these love scenes, which have created many obstacles in my cultivation path. I have tried to find an excuse to rationalize my attachment, and I also know that I have not been very diligent in improving my xinxing, but nevertheless, I still haven't come to a thorough enlightenment in this area.
I felt I was very fortunate to obtain Dafa. Before July 20, 1999, my mother and I used to go to Fa study held at a practitioner's house. It was during that time that I learned all five sets of exercises. Afterwards, lies were fabricated and broadcast by the state TV and radio to slander Dafa. Because of my shallow understanding of the Fa, I became muddleheaded and went along like an ordinary person. Like an ordinary person, I was fighting for fame and personal interests in this big dye vat of society. I became so exhausted. I hurt a lot of people, and I almost ruined myself as well. In the vast expanse of human society, I felt like a lost ship without a rudder, drifting aimlessly on the waves.
I forget how many times I cried silently to myself. When I harmed others, I felt I was also victimized by myself. Master taught in "Cultivators' Avoidances" in Essentials For Further Advancement:
"Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Grabbed by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives."
I couldn't sleep at night. I felt I was falling into a bottomless abyss. I tried to call out for help, but no one answered. I felt like I was climbing a steep cliff, and I couldn't see its end. When I got home, I asked my mother to lend me Zhuan Falun.
When I got back to school, I studied a few poems in Hong Yin II. Although I didn't understand them, I memorized them. In my leisure time, I recited the poems.
It was my last year in high school when I started to read Zhuan Falun again. During 2003, the evil was still very rampant in persecuting Dafa practitioners. Because of my poor enlightenment quality and lack of diligence in studying the Fa, I was unable to understand the importance of the three things that Master requires us to do. I didn't really do them at all. At night after my classmates went to sleep, I studied Zhuan Falun alone by flashlight. I occasionally sat in the double-lotus position and meditated. Because I didn't have the exercise music, I tried to recall it from memory. I woke up early in the mornings and went to the classroom. I used the limited amount of time available to read Zhuan Falun. This became my daily routine. Gradually, my feelings of despondency disappeared. I suddenly came to an understanding that the people I was acquainted with were the sentient beings I should save. I ought to let go of all attachments that didn't belong to me.
When I measured my thoughts and behavior against the Fa, I found my relationships with friends were based on selfishness, that is, when they treated me well, I treated them well. Otherwise, we were not friends. When I began cultivating myself in the Fa, I found I could treat them compassionately. I knew that only a real cultivator can be so understanding and tolerant. When disputes arose, I knew I should take one step backward and give others more chances and space.
Gradually, I have found my cultivation level has risen as a result of my continuous studying of the Fa. Once as I was watching a lecture that Master gave to overseas practitioners, I saw Master's words become golden. When I paid meticulous attention to them, they disappeared. I knew it was the manifestation of the sacredness of Dafa. After that, whenever I sat in the classroom, I felt much better and more comfortable. I became very energetic and felt as though I had just come out of a hot shower that had washed away my filth. The things that used to trouble me all disappeared like a gust of wind. Measuring myself against the principles of Dafa, I knew how to become a better person. I also learned how to face my academic success or failure with a calm heart. I enlightened to the truth that whatever belongs to me will not disappear, and I will incur bad karma if I overly pursue those things that don't belong to me.
When I entered college, I didn't slack off in Fa study. I kept reading Zhuan Falun. I also read Master's other lectures and articles according to the sequence suggested by practitioners who had shared their experiences on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom). Although I have memorized all the poems in Hong Yin II, if I didn't review them often, I would forget them easily. In order to deepen my understanding of the Fa, I copied Essentials For Further Advancement and Zhuan Falun once during my freshman summer vacation, until I came to a better understanding of the importance of doing the three things. During my sophomore year, I used what I learned from school and downloaded a software program that enabled me to get access to the Minghui website. In the past, I had relied on other practitioners to give me the Minghui materials. Now I can download a large amount of materials from the Tianyin Music and Traditional Chinese Culture websites. After reading these materials, I realized that I was deeply poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture and had lost a lot of ethical values which had been passed down by our ancestors.
I used my free time to clarify the truth to people on the Internet. When I was in a good state of cultivation, I could persuade more than a dozen people to withdraw from the CCP. I have persevered in clarifying the truth and I also published their pseudonyms for them on the Internet once they quit the CCP.
Because of Fa study, cultivating my xinxing, and clarifying the truth, I feel that my level has elevated. Things around me have also been harmonized because of Dafa's pure energy.
I would like to thank Master for His compassionate salvation. He saved me from an endless abyss, bore my sins, and eliminated my karma. No matter how difficult my cultivation path will be in the future, I will firmly walk my path well and return home with Master.
