(Clearwisdom.net) I've often read articles published on the Minghui (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) website about how other practitioners go through the crisis of life and death---the crisis of diseases--by denying the old forces' arrangements and overcoming hardships. I've had similar experiences and want to share them with fellow practitioners to encourage each other and increase confidence in our belief in Master and the Fa.
I obtained the Fa in 1996. Before I began cultivation, I couldn't eat or sleep well due to being obsessed with the benefits and fame attached to ordinary human society. My health became very bad. I had contracted various diseases: hysteroma (tumors in the uterus), tracheitis, anemia, hypertension, etc. The hysteroma condition made me very feeble and pale. When my period came, the cramps were so intense that I would break out in a sweat. I could feel a large growth in my abdominal area, and my doctor told me that I was seriously ill.
Shortly after this diagnosis, due to Master's arrangement, a stranger told me how great Falun Dafa was and gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun. From then on, I studied the Fa and did the exercises every day. I no longer felt uncomfortable and the abdominal pain disappeared. Three months after I began cultivation, I once again felt discomfort during my period. It seemed that I felt "ill" again. I understood that it was Master dissolving my karma. One night, I had a dream and in the dream, Master opened up a tubule and removed part of the tumor from another dimension. From this I understood that Master took away the source of my illness and left part of it for me to eliminate, to help me improve my xinxing. Master also arranged my future path. I knew this from the Fa's principles and I no longer paid any attention to my "tumor." But I realized that if I didn't do well, the evil might use this "condition" to interfere with me.
I was always No. 1 in my family, and I had to be the one making the final decisions. I always highlighted others' negative qualities instead of focusing on their good points. I felt jealous of others and wanted to fight with others. I couldn't devote myself wholeheartedly to clarifying the truth as I did before and could not study the Fa calmly. Master said,
"A mental patient's Main Spirit is just like that. It no longer wants to be in charge of the body. It is always in a daze and cannot become conscious. At this point, the person's Assistant Consciousness or foreign messages will interfere with him." (Zhuan Falun)
When I read this, I knew that Master was referring to me. I knew that I was not right and I worried about myself. But I just didn't have a righteous mindset, and then the serious "illness karma" appeared.
In March 2008, my period lasted for a month. The blood flowed heavily and didn't stop until April. Even though I still did the three things, I felt exhausted. Searching inward, I found so many attachments. I was awakened. I studied the Fa more and sent righteous thoughts to clear away the interference from the old forces. But it wasn't enough--my righteous thoughts were not adequate. Up to April 20 or so, I wasn't able to keep it up and, in the end, I wavered. But I knew that I was a Dafa disciple and it was false situation that the evil took advantage of. I never became "ill." They were taking advantage of my attachments to interrupt my doing the three things. Master said,
"We negate even the very emergence of the old forces and everything that they've arranged; we don't even acknowledge their existence." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I enlightened that we shouldn't even acknowledge their existence. Even if my life was at risk, I shouldn't relax my main consciousness. I kept on sending righteous thoughts and begged Master to strengthen me.
I asked my family to invite a fellow practitioner to come to my home. The practitioner asked several other practitioners to come to study the Fa and sent righteous thoughts with me. They did this for several days, and without their help, it would have been more difficult for me to go through the tribulation.
One of the practitioners stayed with me for 8 days and nights straight through. At this point, I was in a disoriented state. When I dizzily went to the restroom, I saw a spirit who stood in the corridor and took me to the restroom. I knew that it was the one that wanted to take my life away. I immediately recited the Fa-rectification verse. As my righteous thoughts were not very strong at that time, it was not destroyed. When I came out of the restroom, I was in shock. This happened twice, and each time fellow practitioners immediately sent forth righteous thoughts and asked my husband and daughter to say "Falun Dafa is good." With the help of fellow practitioners, my family remained calm.
I understand that this was the critical point in my life and death crisis, and I couldn't let myself be removed from Master and the Fa. Master kept on strengthening my righteous thoughts. The next time I needed to go to the restroom, my family members wanted to help me get up. I said, "Master is taking care of me. Please leave me alone, and I will be okay." Fellow practitioners agreed with me. I got out of bed and walked out on my own. I kept on reciting,
"When disciples have ample righteous thoughts
Master has the power to turn back the tide"
("The Master-Disciple Bond," Hong Yin II)
When I saw the spirit again, I concentrated very hard and recited the Fa-rectification verse. This time, it was destroyed immediately. I only did this on the surface--it was Master who did everything. I was clear-minded and returned to bed with no problem. My family witnessed this miracle and believed in Master and Dafa even more firmly.
I also want to tell about my situation at that time. My family and fellow practitioners told me that I was in shock on the second day when I lay down. The color of my face and entire body was the same as a corpse, with my tongue contracting inwards and my pupils dilated. I tried my best to open my eyes but couldn't see anything clearly. A terrible smelling mucus kept coming out of my mouth, and my husband kept wiping it away. My breathing was very weak. My husband and my daughter became scared and started to cry. They were sure that I would pass away that night. They wanted to take me to a hospital. The practitioner that was staying with me said to my daughter, "Why do you want her to go to a hospital? Your mother never thought for a moment that she was ill. Wasn't she able to drink when she was thirsty? She even got up and went to restroom by herself. Does she act like a patient? Don't be concerned, she will recover." I could hear what they were discussing, and I knew that my family wanted to take me to a hospital. I wanted to speak to them but I didn't have enough strength. I thought to myself, "No one can force me to go to a hospital. I am not ill! Master will take care of me. As long as I am steadfast, Master will give me the best."
Because I kept my thoughts righteous, I restrained my family and nobody dared to say anything to me about going to any hospital!
When my non-practitioner friends came to see me, they all thought that I wasn't going to live much longer, and they wanted to force me to go to the hospital. In order to save me, Master really had given much thought to my situation. In the more than ten days while I was in shock, whenever the critical point came where I needed to make a decision, I could feel Master strengthening me and I immediately became clearheaded. This helped me to use righteous thoughts to walk every step well. Even if I didn't have the energy to speak, I just thought that I should only follow Master's arrangements and never do anything not in accordance with the Fa. I sent righteous thoughts to clear out the interference behind my family and friends, so that nobody even thought of taking me to a hospital and I would recover soon. From the bottom of my heart, I knew that I would be okay, as Master was protecting me and nobody even dared to persecute me.
In more than ten days of suffering, I went through the life and death crisis under the protection of Master and the help and encouragement of fellow practitioners. Looking back, I realize that it would have been impossible to have endured such pain and hardship both in body and mind without Master's compassionate protection.
During this tribulation, whenever my mind was clear, I struggled to study the Fa, do the exercises, and send righteous thoughts. Though I had not much strength to do the exercises, I tried my best to do as much as I could. Sometimes when my human attachments prevailed, it was easy for me to give up. Once, while I was doing the third exercise, it became really difficult for me to raise my arms. I thought, "Let me take a rest, I feel too tired." So I lay down on the bed. After a while, I realized that it was the notion of laziness that made me lie down. I was afraid of enduring hardship. But this notion didn't belong to my kind nature and I should eliminate it. I spoke to myself like this, but I was still reluctant to go on doing the exercises. I took a nap, and felt very regretful after I woke up. Master gave me a human body so that I could cultivate. If I spare myself, how could I be worthy of being saved by Master? I must be responsible to my cultivation as it is related to saving the sentient beings in my universe. I must be diligent in my cultivation. I shouldn't spare myself. So I increased the time for the exercises. I went on doing that for one month and I was eventually able to do the five exercises.
Because during that time I looked pale, I didn't go out in the daytime. At night, my family would accompany me to go out for a walk. I walked by myself outside for the first 50 meters and felt faint. I had to stop and rest. I thought to myself that I was not in a righteous state. In appearance, it seemed that this was due to lack of blood circulation. But that couldn't apply to a practitioner, as my body is replaced by high energy matter. No matter what happens, we need to improve our xinxing. So I denied the persecution by my actions.
Master said,
"We have said that good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences." (Zhuan Falun)
As I had the righteous thought to save sentient beings, I was able to go out to distribute truth clarification materials in less than 20 days after my "illness." Two months later, I was completely back to normal.
After I recovered, I thought that I must go see the friends who had come to see me when I was in that bad state in order to validate the Fa. When they saw me, they were very surprised. They said, "We were sure that you couldn't possibly survive and could never imagine that this miracle happened to you! You recovered so quickly. Your Master is amazing." They witnessed the miracle of Dafa after seeing me and they all said, "Falun Dafa is good" from the bottom of their hearts.
After I passed this crisis, I realized how serious our cultivation is. No matter how difficult the hardship, we must believe in Master and the Fa wholeheartedly and not have any doubts. So long as we remain steadfast, we can pass any tests because Master has arranged for us the very best.