(Clearwisdom.net)

Towards the end of 1994, my grandmother obtained the Fa by chance. After a short period of practice, my grandma's health improved greatly. Influenced by my grandmother, my mother and I obtained the Fa in 1995. Soon afterwards my mother set up an exercise site at her workplace and organized group exercises every morning. On the weekends I also went with my mother to do the exercises.

My father was opposed to my mother practicing Falun Gong from the beginning. My dad is regarded as highly-educated and erudite, but he is also stubborn and atheistic. Therefore, he often argued with my mother about practicing Dafa, sometimes even to the extent of physically assaulting her. After my mother obtained the Fa, my dad regularly traveled abroad to do research. As a result, this kind of interference was only intermittent. However, my dad started to work in the US in 1998, and soon afterwards brought us to the US, too. The interference then became incessant. After 1999, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started its nationwide persecution of Falun Gong, my mother refused to give up her belief. In 2000 my dad forced my mother and me to go back to China. On the one hand, he wanted me to enhance my proficiency in Chinese. On the other hand, he believed if my mother was faced with the dangerous cultivation environment in China, she would give up the practice.

My father was wrong. When we went back to China, my mother promptly joined other practitioners in the Fa-validation process. She, along with my grandmother and other cultivators, did the exercises outdoors. She went to Beijing's Tiananmen Square to display a Dafa banner and cry out "Falun Dafa is good!" She was arrested three times. My father was abroad during all of my mother's arrests and detentions. I consequently experienced many xinxing trials and tribulations as a child.

I was only 12 years old when my mother was arrested for the third time. I attended seventh grade at a boarding school. Whenever I came back from school on the weekends, I could not see my mother, so I always cried underneath my blanket in the evening. One day, my mother appeared outside my classroom and had with her a bag of snacks for me. I placed the snacks on my desk and went out to talk to her. Afterwards, as I walked back into the classroom, I realized that my classmates had eaten almost all of my snacks. I was heartbroken and nearly lost my temper. I thought, "It is not that I cared about these snacks, but do you guys know how upset I was when my mother was arrested? I had no idea what kind of suffering she endured. Now she is released, yet I still don't have the courage to ask her about it. These snacks from my mother are extremely precious to me, and you guys devoured most of them." However, after reconsidering I thought, "I am a young Dafa disciple, and Master taught us to always consider others first and always put others' interests before ours. My classmates don't know my situation, so why should I be angry at them?" After thinking this through, I let go of my anguish and shared the rest of the snacks with everybody else. It was because Dafa taught me compassion and tolerance.

Our school once organized us to enter a national competition. The task for the competition was to make a complete English website. Our parents were allowed to assist us. When I arrived home on the weekend, my mother told me she had to go to a practitioner's house for an important sharing and could not assist me. My grievance arose suddenly, and I started quarreling with her. I shouted, "Mother, you don't care about me at all! Is Dafa more important, or am I more important?" My mother replied, "Living in everyday society, you are, of course, of most importance. But Dafa is beyond everything. How can they be compared?" Before she left, she told me, "You should study diligently, because achieving good grades is also a way of validating Dafa." I refused to listen to her. My anger drove tears down my cheeks, and I started throwing tantrums at the computer. But I gradually began thinking of Master. As Dafa disciples we have the responsibility to safeguard Dafa. Under the current suppression of Falun Gong by the CCP, it is natural and right for my mother to go out and validate the Fa. I started to calm myself down and worked on the website righteously. Dafa widened my wisdom - I felt many skills were bestowed upon me during the website-making process. My website won the national first prize. My first reaction to this was the thought, "Dafa is supernatural and omnipotent. When we can relinquish our selfish desires and let go of self-centeredness, Dafa is able to grant us greater wisdom."

Sometimes my mother took me out to distribute leaflets and post Dafa messages. I was a timid kid. When I first validated the Fa with my mother, my heart raced, and I was fearful when everyday people passed by. My mother encouraged me to recite Hong Yin with her, and often told me stories of how practitioners overcame danger through righteous actions and righteous thoughts. I started to maintain stronger righteous thoughts and be more at ease. My fear dispersed. I told myself that I was doing the most righteous thing in the universe.

My father started working in England after my mother and I went back to China. After four years, my mother and I joined him in England. Before departing for England, my mother obtained from the Internet the contact persons and their phone numbers for Dafa practice sites in England. After we arrived in England, she soon joined the group of other Dafa disciples.

During the time period of the 2007 DC Fa Conference, my mother encouraged me to audition for Fei Tian Academy of the Arts. I had studied the violin from a young age, and she believed I had the predestined relationship to join the orchestra. I had disliked playing the violin since the beginning, yet at the same time I didn't want to quit it. Even though I was unwilling to take up the violin as a career, I wanted to try out for the orchestra. We went to find the Shen Yun Orchestra manager, and I asked whether I could stay in the orchestra for a year first, then decide if I wanted to remain with them. The manager replied firmly that this was not possible. If I wanted to stay then I had to be ready to stay permanently. After hearing this, I thought of my dad. If he knew that I was about to audition for this school, he would be fuming mad. I could even imagine him angrily criticizing me. Additionally, I wasn't able to give up my attachment to academics. I thought my grades were good, and I wanted to attend a good university and have a prosperous career. My cultivation was not up to the standard at the time, and I backed down from the idea of auditioning for Fei Tian.

During the Christmas holidays that year my mother heard that New York desperately needed practitioners to help out with Shen Yun ticket promotion. She showed me a few experience-sharing articles from the practitioners there and asked me if I wanted to go. Upon reading stories of practitioners wearing thin emperor and empress costumes and standing in the cold, chilly winter of New York to hand out leaflets to sentient beings, my heart shook. I felt that this project, Shen Yun, was extraordinary, and these practitioners were extraordinary. I wanted to join them too. My mother could not go to New York due to her work, so I departed for New York alone.

I stayed in New York for ten days. The accommodations for practitioners consisted of two floors. Each floor was about the size of a normal two-bedroom apartment. One floor was for the gentlemen and the other for the ladies. When I arrived, the ladies' floor was crowded. Fifty-something sleeping bags were squeezed tightly together, and I tried hard to fit my sleeping bag into an opening. It was under these poor living conditions and in this frosty weather that practitioners' great virtue and diligence moved me. Some people ate breakfast at around 8:00 a.m. in the morning (in order to save money and time), then handed out leaflets during the entire day, until 7:00 p.m., when they came back to eat dinner. Afterwards they then rushed out to hand out leaflets at theaters until after midnight. Their actions reflected my own shortcomings in cultivation, and this hastened me to be more diligent to catch up. Many practitioners saw that I came to New York by myself. They showed me a lot of concern. Practitioners came up to me frequently and said, "Why don't you audition for Shen Yun? You're so young and just the right age. Even if we wanted to, we're too old to join." Initially I just smiled in response, but gradually, as more people started to talk to me about it, I started to think, "Is this Master giving me hints?" I felt more and more inclined to audition for Shen Yun.

As a result of promoting the tickets, I was fortunate to see the Shen Yun performance several times. The Shen Yun Spectacular was exactly as Master required. When the curtain was raised, the audience saw a most spectacular image. Every program flowed into my heart. I instantly felt purified. I completely immersed myself in watching the performance. The backdrop, the dance, and the music--everything was utterly perfect. It was as if celestial scenes straight from Heaven had descended to Earth. Suddenly, I felt that academic achievements, my dad's opposition, and my dislike of the violin were all trivial matters. Shen Yun is currently the most important project led by Master. I decided that I wanted to join Shen Yun. With the help of practitioners, I went backstage to find the orchestra manager and conductor to audition.

After the audition, I asked when I could join the orchestra. The conductor told me, "The current Shen Yun orchestra is already full. If you want to join, then you will have to wait for the second orchestra. We will notify you when that happens." I was heartbroken after hearing this. I listened to the song "But a Moment's Chance." I felt it was sung for me--I deeply regretted not joining the orchestra back at the time of the DC Fa Conference. While watching the performance that day, I cried from the time the curtain opened to its closing. Afterwards, from the subway station all the way to my place to distribute leaflets, even when I was about to hand out leaflets, I still could not contain my tears. This time I truly recognized that opportunity is limited, and if missed, it will not come again. I prayed to Master in my heart, "Master, I did not cultivate well, and I missed the opportunity. If I deserve another chance, I definitely will not miss it. I will strive to be more diligent and treasure this opportunity."

After the ten days of helping with the ticket promotion, I returned to England. Soon after, I received offer letters from several universities, which included one of the top three universities in England. But when I received that offer letter, my heart was not moved at all, and I was as tranquil as a placid lake. I realized that fame, vested interests, and sentiments, which non-practitioners pursue, in comparison with Shen Yun, are of no importance. I was determined. Even if I received an offer letter from the best university in the whole world, I would not be moved to accept it. I knew that Fei Tian Academy of the Arts is the best school in the whole wide universe. It is a project led personally by Master, so how can it not be amazing? The gods in Heaven might even envy those students. I thought, "No matter how my dad opposes it, I will try to overcome it. I will not be shackled by the old forces."

I often thought of the scenes from the Shen Yun performance, and I always anticipated phone calls from Fei Tian Academy of the Arts. I later enlightened to realizing that this was also an attachment. If I was a true cultivator, then I would not be attached to any particular path of cultivation. Instead, I should be able to perform well on any path Master plans for me. "The paths of cultivation are varied. But none is outside the Great Law." ("Unimpeded" from Hong Yin, Volume II) I further searched inward and realized that my wish to join Shen Yun also contained impure notions. I admired how the performers could perform on world-famous stages, and I also liked the idea of touring around the world. After I pinpointed this attachment, I soon relinquished it. Around this time, I received the phone call from Fei Tian, asking me to go to New York for an audition. Cultivation is just so miraculous and profound. Master ingeniously plans every interweaving event for our xinxing improvement, thus allowing us to ascend through the abandonment of attachments. As long as we search inward at all times, we will not miss a single opportunity for xinxing advancement.

Before leaving, I emailed my father to tell him I wanted to attend Fei Tian Academy of the Arts. However, I did not really give him any information on the kind of school it was. After arriving at Fei Tian, I was really afraid to even open my email inbox for a few days--I feared his response. After going back to the dormitory, I read the Fa and I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil spirits behind my dad and to eliminate my own attachment to fear. I felt that my stubborn notion of fear was slowly dissolving. Finally after being at Fei Tian for over a week, I gathered up the courage to open my email inbox. My dad's response disappointed me. He gave me two options. I either had to go back to England and continue my education, or he would bring me back to China. If I don't follow either of the two options, then he would sever our father-daughter relationship.

I cried in the dormitory. Initially I felt angry and hurt. I thought, "I am fulfilling such a sacred duty, why can't you understand? Why are you so stubborn? Why can't you comprehend the truth? You want to sever our relationship? Then so be it!" Afterwards I read the Fa. As I read and read, Master's words soothed my anger. I was gradually regaining my calm state of mind. I thought, "As a member of Shen Yun Performing Arts, I have the predestined duty to revive traditional culture. Did the severance of a father-daughter relationship exist in traditional culture? I must not sever the relationship between my dad and me." I sent forth righteous thoughts to deny the evil forces' arrangements.

At the same time that I received my dad's email, my high school in England sent me a letter expressing bewilderment at my decision to join Fei Tian Academy of the Arts. They reasoned that my previous choice of courses had nothing to do with music, and I had received very good grades and received offers from top universities. There were only two months until my graduation, so why would I suddenly leave school for New York? They told me if I didn't go back to finish the remaining two months of school, then they will withhold my school records and grades from Fei Tian. Under the immense pressure from both my dad and my school, I felt suffocated and incompetent to handle the situation. I went to find the practitioner responsible for taking care of us and told her about my school's reaction. The practitioner smiled and said, "This is a good thing. He is here precisely because he wants to hear the truth. Once he hears the truth, he will give you your records and grades." The anguish and grievance I had nurtured in my heart suddenly dissolved from this one remark. I was shown how a mature practitioner should act in a difficult situation. That is, to be mature and calm in all situations, and completely selfless - the heart is filled with, and only filled with, the wish to save sentient beings. I wrote a letter to my school. In it I described how magnificent Falun Gong is and how our family had been persecuted in China by the CCP. I also explained that the reason for my joining Shen Yun was to revive traditional Chinese culture in an effort to bring the truth to those brainwashed people in China, as well as to end the persecution in China. At the same time I sent forth strong righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil spirits behind my teacher at my school in England. After that teacher received this letter, he agreed that I could stay in New York.

After receiving the email from my dad, I did not reply to him. I didn't have time to because the schedule at Fei Tian was tight. At the same time, I wanted to wait and reply to him after he had calmed down. Over a month later, he sent me another email. This time he simply asked how I was doing in life. He didn't mention anything about the severance of our father-daughter relationship, nor did he mention his desire for me to go back to England or China. I guessed that he tacitly agreed for me to stay at Fei Tian Academy of the Arts.

Perhaps because my dad is my family member in this lifetime, regardless of what harm and pain he has caused me, I do not want to give up on him. This made me think of the people I encounter in society or those audience members sitting in the theater watching Shen Yun performances. Perhaps they have predestined relationships with me, too. Although I had never met them before, perhaps they were my relatives in my previous lives. Master said that every single person on this planet is his family. Doesn't that mean they are our family, too? I must cultivate greater tolerance and compassion and treat every person on this planet how I treat my dad. Regardless of what they have done to me, I will employ my greatest compassion in saving them.

Master said, "Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating." ("To the Chicago Fa Conference," 2006) In overcoming tribulations, I have realized the importance of Fa study. Apart from group Fa study and exercises, I try my best to wake up early in the morning and go to bed late in order to increase my Fa study and exercise time. I recently discovered that my cultivation path widens as I ascend. I have rarely encountered anything that can provoke my heart. I know that whenever I am displeased with a certain person or a certain situation, then I must have shortcomings regarding this issue, and I must search inward for my attachments. Otherwise Master would not organize such an occurrence. Nothing in cultivation is coincidental.

As my xinxing improved, Master further purified my body for me. In February when we were on tour, a little round spot started to develop on my chest. Initially it appeared to be a bug bite, so I didn't really take much notice of it. After a few days, however, it grew bigger and developed into a big spot with a diameter of four centimeters. It was very painful. My mother is a doctor, and I initially wanted to ask her about it. But it is very hard for us to get Internet access on tour, and at the same time, I felt that since I was a Dafa disciple, that I shouldn't worry about it. My mother was also busy promoting Shen Yun tickets in England, and I decided not to distract or worry her. One day the excruciating pain drove me to tears, and it was even more painful when I tried to practice the violin, so I went to find a fellow female practitioner in the orchestra and showed her my situation. The practitioner told me that she had something similar growing on her leg a while ago and that it was a pustule. The only way to keep it from developing further was to squeeze out all the pus, so she started squeezing it for me. Without even touching the pustule, it already created extreme agony for me. Yet she had to squeeze it hard. It was almost unbearable. In the beginning no pus came out, only blood squirted outwards. I was in so much pain that I had to bite my teeth tightly and clutch my clothes firmly. Seeing me like this, the practitioner was distressed and comforted me, "It will be okay. Once the pus comes out it will no longer be so painful. This is interference from the evil forces. You have to be strong. If you really cannot bear the pain anymore, then you can ask Master for help." But I thought, "I cannot let Master bear my karma for me. Master already suffered tremendously in order to save me. I must overcome this test myself this time. I will defeat the evil forces." At the time I chanted silently in my heart, "Master, please don't be worried about me. Master, I can bear this. Master, I can bear this. Master, I can bear this." At the same time, I thought that in order to save those sentient beings I must endure this suffering. Once the pus comes out and the pain disappears, I will be able to save those sentient beings more devoutly. "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you can do it." (The Ninth Talk, from Zhuan Falun, Translation Version 2003) In addition, I sent forth righteous thoughts to reject the old forces' interference. After nearly an hour, that practitioner had squeezed out most of the pus for me. The trash can was half-full of blood-stained toilet paper.

After I walked back to my room, I meditated for half an hour first, and then I rested on my bed. I could not fall asleep due to the immense pain. I was upset and cried secretly under my blanket. I felt I was not able to suffer the pain anymore, and that saving sentient beings really was hard. Suddenly I remembered what Master said in "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference:"

"In this world, the ordeals that Master faces, as with the accompanying pressure, come in numbers greater than tens of thousands each day, yet no one has managed to make me waver, and that cannot be done."

I realized how Master had to suffer tens of thousands of adversities and pressure for sentient beings. As a practitioner, can I not even overcome this one small illness karma test? The pain seemed to decrease a little bit after I thought this way. "I must defeat the evil myself. I don't want Master to worry over me." But soon afterwards, quite a few more pustules grew on my body. I was completely unable to keep my back straight anymore, and I walked with a slight humpback. Every pustule felt like a nail pinned into me. Even talking and breathing was simply too painful. Every morning I woke up to find an area of blood and pus stain on my pajama top, and I had to hand wash my clothes every day.

In Washington, D.C., we had performances almost every day for a week. In the theater I leaned on the chairs because of the pain, and I didn't have any energy to practice my violin. But when I saw the other orchestra members around me all practicing diligently, I felt ashamed. I thought that everyone was contributing to save sentient beings and that I could not fall behind in the path of cultivation. So I picked up my violin and tried hard to prevent myself from thinking about the pustules. Instead, I concentrated on each and every musical note. When I started doing this, the pain was alleviated. When we can really let go of the attachment to ourselves, think entirely of the sake of sentient beings, our xinxing will improve, and Master will then eliminate a lot of our suffering.

That same evening during our performance, I tried my best to maintain a straight back. I believed that if I curled my back due to the pain, then it would seem like I had succumbed to the evil. But I knew I needed to reject the evil forces, "The more pain it throws on me, the straighter I will sit." During the entire performance, whenever the presenters or the soloists performed, I still suffered from the excruciating pain. However, whenever it was time for the orchestra to play, I felt spirited and free of pain. I felt fantastic during the performance. I believed that as long as I have Master and the Fa, I have nothing to fear. That day I wore two layers of undershirts beneath my performance top, as I did not want the pus and blood to permeate through my performance top. After the performance concluded and I took off my top, I realized that the pus and blood had permeated through both layers of my undershirts. Yet I had felt nothing during the performance.

We will never be able to comprehend the immense sufferings our Great and Compassionate Master has endured for us.

I deeply treasure the cultivation environment of the Shen Yun Performing Arts "Tian Yin" Orchestra. From the very beginning, I treated it as my home. I was never homesick, nor did I miss my mother. I like everyone in our orchestra wholeheartedly. They are my family. When encountering problems, if I can be critical of myself and compassionate to others, I am able to see that every practitioner in the orchestra has virtues that shine like gold. Our orchestra manager is over sixty years old. He looked after us like a grandpa and guided us attentively in both xinxing and life. On tour, whenever we arrived at and departed from a city, we had to move luggage and the percussion instruments. The percussion instruments were especially heavy, but our orchestra manager always helped us. My family always instilled in me the value of respecting our elders, and that it was rude to let older people do heavy labor. However, there are not many boys in the orchestra, so we had no choice but to let him help. He never complained about this and did everything as if it was natural and right for him to do. I really felt Dafa's extraordinariness. Our trumpet player is a gentleman over seventy years old. In everyday society, brass players normally would not exceed four to five hours of practice every day, as it is too tiring. But sometimes we would have two shows per day, which together constituted five hours of playing. In addition to this, we had self-practice, too. The trumpet player practiced endlessly. His lips were dry and cracked, and ulcers developed on his lips. Yet he was always energetic, sometimes even performing flips or cartwheels to entertain us.

Our orchestra also has an audio team consisting of a few boys. Whenever we arrived at a new theater, they woke up earlier than everyone else in the orchestra and rushed to the theater to set up the orchestra and audio equipment. Often they only had three to four hours of sleep. Their individual practice time was reduced as a result, and they had to perform on the same day, too, but I never heard them complain. When the girls suggested that we could form an audio team too, they quickly rejected this proposal. When we left each theater, they also had to help the dancers carry boxes and dismantle stage equipment, and it often lasted one or two hours. Their sense of responsibility moved me. Only the greatness in Dafa is able to create these great cultivators. They devoted themselves willingly and without complaint.

At the same time, I was constantly motivated by the dancers' assiduousness. As musicians, our instruments will produce a huge amount of noise, so we often did not have the chance to practice our musical instrument in hotels. Dancers, however, did not have such restrictions. In the hotels, whenever I walked out of my room, I often saw female dancers practicing kicks, splits, and other movements in the corridors. Sometimes after a performance, I could see a dancer walking with a limp. They probably injured themselves during the performance. I was awestruck. A lot of the dancers are very young, yet they have such a clear understanding of their predestined duty. In order to fulfill their vows of saving sentient beings, they strove to advance and perfect their techniques continuously. In addition, local practitioners at each city tried their absolute best to provide the best accommodations and meals for us. In order to let more people come and see the show, they overcame numerous obstacles and bravely embraced many tribulations to promote the show to sentient beings. I heard many touching stories on tour. As a result of all these things, touring was never tiring for me.

"What is a Buddha? He is the guarantor of all beings at his level, the protector of all beings, and the defender of the truth of the universe." ("Teaching the Fa at the Founding Ceremony of the Singaporean Falun Dafa Association")

Master also talked about how the gods are able to sacrifice their lives for the preservation of the truth of the universe. If gods are willing to die for the protection of the ultimate truth, then as Dafa disciples in the Fa-rectification period, in order to save those precious sentient beings, can we not endure a little bit of toil? The beings that obtained the Fa are the happiest beings in the universe.

Words cannot convey my gratitude towards Master. Sometimes I can really feel that Master scooped me up from Hell. I want to take this opportunity to make a promise to our Great and Compassionate Master. In future cultivation, I will strive to be more diligent in Fa study and xinxing cultivation, work tirelessly to improve my violin skills, harmonize every aspect of my life, and eliminate my last attachments. Regardless of what kind of tribulations I encounter, I will always remember I am a cultivator. I will always believe in Master and the Fa and maintain a righteous mind with righteous actions.

Thank you, Great and Benevolent Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners! Please kindly point out my shortcomings.