Dear xxx:
Greetings!
I just got out from the labor camp, and haven't had time to visit you. I am writing to say hello and to tell you of my experiences in the labor camp.
Many Dafa practitioners were detained in the labor camp where I stayed. Everyone was isolated in a different cell with a few criminals observing him/her. At the time of my arrival, police stated that it was strictly prohibited to study Fa, to do our exercises and to introduce Fa to others. Violating these rules would result in either more punishment or longer detention. Because I did not obey them and insisted upon doing the exercises, the police officers continuously tried to transform me. They twisted Teacher's words to change my heart. They said other practitioners "realized" that they should comply with the camp rules because a practitioner's behavior should conform to the environment of ordinary society. They said some other practitioners "understood" that being good people meant practitioners should not make policemen's jobs difficult. They also said that because emphasis is on the cultivation of xinxing, high-level cultivation does not require exercises at all. All that they said was a bunch of nonsense to me. I thought that Dafa practitioners should do the exercises no matter where we are. Of course we should give first priority to cultivating xinxing--there is no doubt about that. The special environment in the camp simply meant that to be able to do our exercises, we had to give up many attachments. The issue of "making a policemen's job difficult" was totally based on an ordinary person's standpoint. Seeing that I was firm on practicing the exercises, the policemen warned that the criminals living in the same cell would not let me. Those criminals took turns watching me closely 24 hours a day. They would physically stop me as soon as I started to practice. (Later I learned that the officers promised shorter jail terms if they successfully stopped my exercises). I kept trying day and night for a few days, but never made it.
I remembered that Teacher stated in "Essentials for Further Advancement": "After heads are cut off, bodies are still meditating". I looked at myself: my head was still on my shoulders but my body could not perform the exercises. What good is my body if I am unable to continue cultivation? I decided to respond to the bad environment. I refused to follow and accept anything, including food and drink. The police then ordered my cell mates to tie my hands and feet to the four corners of my bed and force liquidated food into my stomach through a pipe lodged in my nose. Wanting me to obey their orders, and because the police directed them to do so, they continuously beat and harassed me in various ways. For example, they covered my mouth and then put water, smoke and even chili powder into my nose. I couldn't even move as they tortured me. But I thought to myself: these physical pains are nothing in comparison to living in this world while not cultivating. . I was mindful of Teacher's explanation about the "four gains" in "karma's transfer," and was determined to overcome the hardships, no matter how difficult they were.
A while later, I gradually realized that I shouldn't simply forbear the hardship. I should also continue to study the Fa. Fortunately, I had tried to memorize "Zhuan Falun" a while ago and was able to recite it from memory. I felt that it was easier to concentrate and to recite when I closed my eyes. My cell-mates thought I was sleeping and beat me because they didn't want me to be comfortable. I didn't bother to explain myself. They beat me day and night while I studied the Fa. But the more they beat me, the more fluid and accurate my recitation became. Some days I could recite three to four lectures, and some days five to six. I was even able to recite all nine in one day. I could feel that Fa was pouring into my head. One day I suddenly realized that the combination of Fa study, cultivating xinxing and karma's transfer were so crucial. During that period of time, my understanding of Fa improved rapidly, I raised my xinxing constantly and I felt determined when facing hardships. I gradually understood why Teacher repeatedly asks us to spend more time on reading the book and learning the Fa. Teacher said: "Except those elderly practitioners with poor memories, all other practitioners should try to memorize the book..."
I also realized that the purpose of studying was to validate the Fa in ordinary people's society and properly help Teacher during the Fa-rectification period. We should all do things to help whenever we have the chance. To transform the practitioners' minds, the police continuously played audio tapes that slandered Dafa and asked practitioners to read anti-Dafa books. I flatly refused. They took the books back but played the tapes continuously. To correct their wrong deeds and neutralize the bad influence, I recited "Lunyu" and other scriptures loudly. As soon as I started doing so, my cell-mates violently tried to stop me. But no matter what they did, I would keep reciting until they stopped playing the tapes. After a while they realized the tapes were useless and gave up.
At this point I would like to share some of the methods the labor camp used to brainwash the practitioners. I observed that they tried to separate the practitioners from the Fa. In terms of the mundane and routine, the police seemed reasonable. For example, hours for family visits were fairly flexible. In some special cases, they were especially lenient with the visiting policy. From an ordinary person's standpoint what they did seemed very nice. But practitioners were absolutely not allowed to touch Dafa in any way. In the beginning they forbade practitioners from practicing the exercises. Then they moved on to brainwashing practitioners with slanderous fabrications. They brought in those "converted" ex-practitioners to offer "kind words of advice." At every opportunity they tried to shake practitioners' righteous thoughts. Some practitioners lost their bearings in this environment.
I thought to myself: how had we gotten into this situation? After careful examination, I realized that it was partly our own fault. We lacked a good understanding of "Fa-rectification." I recalled that the reasons for my trips to appeal in Beijing were not purely to clarify the truth and validate Dafa. I had also sought to endure some hardship, to eliminate some personal karma and elevate faster. In going to Beijing, getting caught, standing in court and finally being sent to the labor camp, I harbored an intention to endure the wrongful acts of ordinary people. Finally, after every single one of my selfish wishes were crushed by cruel and demonic tribulations, I realized I had been wrong. I realized that I had gone astray in my cultivation. Hadn't some practitioners with selfish motives faced a growing amount of demonic tribulations until, without realizing it, they were completely destroyed? The lessons are memorable. I made my decision to not be distracted by selfish concerns and to not be led by demons. Basically, I refused to follow all the orders of the labor camp. Sometimes I even tried to destroy their methods of mind-control and refused to let them proceed with their crimes. When the police offered to let me practice if I agreed to eat I refused that, too--I requested that they release me.
Another reason that we found ourselves in this situation was because we couldn't let go of fundamental attachments. Trying to change me, the police sent groups of ex-practitioners to talk to me. They called it an "experience sharing conference." I found that many of them could recite Dafa books with great accuracy, and could talk continuously about the principles. They shamelessly told me that they still practiced cultivation in secrecy. But in actuality, they were sabotaging Dafa. I learned that in the past they had sacrificed much for Dafa. What kinds of attachment could they possible have? During a conversation with them, one of them told me in secrecy, "I think you are right, but I am afraid that I can't endure the tribulations." So this was the attachment. There were other complicated reasons as well. They have already been explained in Teacher's scripture, "Suffocate the Evil."
Cultivating xinxing is the most important part in the cultivation of Falun Dafa. Sacrifice for Dafa cannot simply be measured by how much you say or do. What's important is how much you are willing to sacrifice in your heart; this is genuine cultivation. Seeking consummation is not a performance. And it certainly is not seeking a healthy body with which to enjoy earthly pleasures. Demonic tribulations will of course continue for those un-righteous hearts not living according to the principles of the universe. In fact, as a practitioner, how can any demonic tribulation be a matter of chance? All the pains we endure have their own reasons. A human is always seeking with attachments and is full of desires for love and lust. All these kinds of matters are to be relinquished and transformed during the process of cultivation. Aren't tribulations and pain necessary? From another perspective, the reason human beings have sentiments is because we have a material body. There is a saying among people: "Your body is your lifetime investment." It reflects strong desires and an over-attachment to the material. "...Matter and mind are of one thing." Of course there are other reasons for fearing hardships, but the main reason is a manifestation of the concentration fundamental attachments. Therefore, fear is not for ourselves. We fear for the elimination of attachments.
Even though fear had not subdued me and I was different from the ex-practitioners, I didn't do everything perfectly. After looking more closely at what I had done I saw that some things were indeed not done well enough,. When I refused to follow orders, it would be difficult for me to maintain my xinxing if they tried to coax me with benefits. Sometimes I even changed my original plans and thoughts. So it happened that I would go along with their arrangements some of the time, while I wouldn't at other times. Sometimes I would go along with part of the orders. For example, when talking to other people, I sought their support not for Dafa but because deep inside my heart I wanted to protect myself. I hoped that if I gained sympathy from others I could suffer less. With this impure mentality, it would be very difficult for me to validate Dafa. Many times I ended up in heated debates. I would walk away from the argument before long but inside my heart I dwelled on them having too much karma, poor enlightenment quality, and being unreasonable. In actuality, hadn't their conditions allowed me to get rid of my own attachments? I should have been looking at and blaming my own shortcomings, not theirs. Later, I went to another extreme and refused to talk to anybody. I even stopped my attempts to spread and validate the Fa. I was obviously trying to blame others for problems that were my own. Also, after a while I did not persist in studying the Fa because I gave in to laziness and outside pressures. I stopped reciting out loud as well. In that last period at the camp, my thoughts were not clear and righteous. I didn't endure the tribulations well. These shortcomings exposed my human side and the tendencies to seek comfort and avoid hardship.
Perhaps it was because my human shell was so thick that my tribulations were severe. I endured a few months in this way. I refused food and water for so long that police finally let me out because they feared I would die. I didn't expect release.
I think I should end this letter; we'll talk again when we have time in the future.
I wish everyone well.
Your fellow practitioner XXX
October, 2000
