Cultivation Experience

(Shared at 2001 Orlando Conference)

I have been a practitioner for a little over one year. I feel as if I have been going through a threshing process. So many events have happened to separate the chaff from the pure essence of who I am. This has happened so many times, over and over, so that I know that I am in the hands of Master Li's fashen.

In Sept of 1999, I was getting out of my car in a hurry to meet someone. As I lifted my head and stood up, I saw a man sitting on a small brick wall 10 feet in front of me. I knew immediately that he was a very high being. My jaw dropped in awe. I have never seen anyone like this man. Our eyes met, and I just stared at him. He did not even though I got in the car to get something and moved around and fidgeted a lot myself. Finally his eyes sparkled as if he was saying something to me. I was very surprised. I drew back. I did not know what to do so I turned and walked away rapidly to meet the person I was coming to see.

At that time I already knew about Falun Gong because I read about it in the paper. Later I read about a nine day seminar. I somehow knew that this man I had seen was speaking to me in my head, telling me I had to go there. A friend of mine even invited me to the Old Globe Theater to see a play but I told him I could not go. I had to go to Falun Gong.

I attended the seminar every day that I was free and first attended practice in November of 1999. At first I did not understand very much. But I kept reading and kept cultivating and some remarkable things have happened to me.

I have changed so much. Before Falun Gong I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because I had been the victim of a very violent crime. I had difficulty sleeping. I thought I needed alcohol to fall asleep at night. Even though the man who committed this crime was tried and put in jail for the rest of his life, I lived in constant fear of being attacked. I never wanted to go home and when I did go home, I locked myself in my bedroom. The State of California was paying for my therapy.

Within 2 months I stopped therapy. Eventually all symptoms disappeared. Today even the thought of drinking alcohol makes me want to throw up. I am calm and serene. I know that I am taken care of and no one will attack me. My energy level has increased dramatically. I am highly focused on my work and I am very successful.

But the most important change in me has to do with getting rid of attachments. I will mention only two of the incidents that keep happening to me.

I am a real estate agent and property manager. I hired a roofer recommended by a friend of mine to install a new roof over a garage. I gave the roofer a deposit of half down and he started removing the old roof the next day. The only problem was that he removed the next door neighbor's roof, not the one I had hired him for.

Needless to say the people storing things in the neighbor's garage were very angry. They kept yelling at the roofer to stop and he kept telling them they were not the owner and he did not work for them at all. Many of their things were damaged because old roofing material kept falling onto their things during the removal process. Finally someone called me and I told him the roofer it was the wrong roof. He quit leaving no covering at all on the neighbor's garage. The neighbor was very angry with me and insisted I fix the roof. Since he did not have a contractor's license, he could refuse me knowing there was nothing I could do. Luckily it did not rain. This went on for a week.

Ultimately, although I was a new practitioner, I knew this was my responsibility. I finally made the decision that I would hire another roofer, this time one with a contractor's license and pay the entire cost myself. I knew there was no other choice. The very day I hired another roofer, the original roofer finished the job. The only money it cost me was the original deposit of half the cost. I repeatedly told the people whose things were damaged that I would be responsible for the repairs, but to this day they have never asked me for anything.

I don't think there could be a more vivid way to teach me about giving up my attachment to saving money or about being responsible.

This happened after I had only been a practitioner for only few months. Another incident happened just recently and has had a much deeper effect.

I had a friend, a fellow practitioner, with whom I discussed many things. We made many observations about other people, often criticizing them. All of this was extremely interesting and enlightening until one day, my friend criticized me. I thought his criticism was extremely unfair. I know that in a conflict we must look inside ourselves. I realized the extent to which I had criticized others. I blamed others. I found fault with others. Whether I said anything to them or not, I judged them. It just did not feel right when I was the one being judged.

Then I understood. I need to be paid back for all those times I judged others, criticized others and hurt others because my motives were never pure. I realized that I need to hurt in order to pay back the hurt I have caused others. I need to feel pain in order to pay back the pain I have caused others. I became very withdrawn and started to feel actual physical pain in my left arm. This pain seemed very, very fitting. It seemed to be getting worse. It got to the point where I could not lift may arm to do the second exercise because it hurt too much.

I knew this was happening because I had done many bad things. I did not want to go to the doctor. If this was a serious illness, I knew that it was meant to happen. At first I worried about dying. I do not remember killing people in my previous lives, but I know I must have. Finally, there came a point where I accepted that it is O.K. for me to die. I trust Master Li. It is a small death compared to those who have given so much for Dafa. But I accepted it.

Then I read what Master Li says about criticism in the Lecture on the Law Conference in Singapore, page 3 at the bottom of the page:

"I often say that if a person is free from any personal concepts, has no personal motives and is genuinely caring for others, then when he points out the shortcomings of another person, or tells him what is right, the other person will be moved to tears. Compassion is extremely powerful. It is only that when a person in ordinary society tells another something good, he always brings out his own concepts and is even worried that his personal interest may be affected. He will protect himself. Too many things are added into what he says, hence what he says becomes pretentious, impure and normally carries an emotion. If what you say comes from your heart without any personal interest your word will definitely move others."

At the weekend practice after I accepted my death, I could lift my arms and the pain was almost gone. I knew that the unjust criticism of my friend was not from him at all, but from Master Li that I could use it to purify myself, so that I could separate the chaff from the pure essence of who I am.