(Clearwisdom.net) At the end of the year 2000, I went to Tiananmen Square to stand up for Falun Dafa, and was illegally detained by the police. Under the influence of incorrect mentalities of everyday people, and intimidation from the wicked local police, I became muddleheaded and wrote a guarantee that I would not practice Falun Gong, "... and have done what a Dafa disciple absolutely should not and cannot do. This is a disgrace to Dafa."
Why did I fail during this tribulation? I feel pained in my heart. In the past, I always thought that I was doing well in my cultivation, and that my enlightenment ability was quite good, whatever attachments needed to be discarded, I got rid of almost all of them. However, when I truly stepped forward, I discovered my shortcomings.
When I went to Tiananmen for Fa-rectification, I was brought to the Tiananmen Local Police Station. At that time, over 300 Falun Dafa practitioners were detained in a patio-style courtyard. Although the police frequently pushed and beat the Falun Dafa practitioners with electric batons and the butts of their rifles, voices saying "suffocate the evil, clarify the truth" continuously rose up. One banner after another was raised high, and materials about the truth about Falun Dafa were posted all over the courtyard wall. However, the moment I think even the spirits and ghosts feared the most, let alone these policemen carrying guns, was the sound and force of these 300-plus people simultaneously reciting "Lun Yu," Hong Yin and the Teacher's articles.
Looking back, I feel ashamed remembering that scene. Why? At that time, those Falun Dafa practitioners, regardless of whether they were younger or older than me, all recited Hong Yin or Teacher's articles so well. However, whatever I recited was half hearted. Now I truly see my failing. In fact, it was because I had not studied or recited with my heart, and had not enlightened or solidly cultivated with my heart, let alone upgrading myself in the Fa, thus my Xinxing certainly could not improve. Teacher said, "I had told you beforehand in my Fa lectures about all of the problems that might occur during this vicious and destructive test. For those who haven't genuinely practiced cultivation, it is really difficult to pass. Everyone should now be more clear on why I've often asked you to read the book more! The Fa can reveal all attachments, the Fa can eradicate all evils, the Fa can expose and dispel all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Deter Interference") I strongly realized that I had not studied the Fa well, my understandings of the Fa were insufficient, and I had not cultivated my righteous belief firmly, therefore I could not truly eliminate my attachments of fear and affection for family amidst tribulations, I could not face the situation with my righteous thoughts during this test, and thus the evil took advantage of my weakness.
In the local police station, I ran into an old woman with white hair. She said that she went to Tiananmen for Fa-rectification the day before and was arrested by police. Later that day, she was released because too many practitioners were arrested. On the same day as her release, she once again went to Tiananmen for Fa-rectification and was again arrested. I asked her, "Yesterday they released you, why didn't you go home?" She replied uprightly, "Your release is not for you to go home and live a comfortable life, but for you to continue the Fa-rectification process." Her brief reply moved me beyond words. It was as if in that instant she had seen my mind.
I felt ashamed of my inferiority to her. This old woman stepped forward with only one thought: Fa rectification. I on the other hand still had various thoughts of everyday people. It is exactly as Teacher said, "And any fear is itself a barrier that prevents you from reaching Consummation, and is also a factor in your being 'reformed' toward the evil side and in your betrayal." ("Dafa is Indestructible") Had I not stepped forward, I would not have realized that I was not studying the Fa in depth; I would not have realized the difference between the intention to rectify the Fa and truly rectifying the Fa; I would not have realized that I still had the attachment of sentiment (qing); I would not have realized that I still did not totally put down my fear of death. I know now how important it is for a cultivator to step forward and to take part in Fa-rectification. It is just like what Teacher has taught us, "Human society is a good place for cultivation, since everything here can induce attachments. Precisely because of this, a person who is able to step out of it and get rid of all his attachments to human society is magnificent and is able to reach Consummation." ("No Politics") Teacher also said, "The only way to prevent the old, evil forces from taking advantage of the gaps in your mind is to make good use of your time to study the Fa." ("Towards Consummation") Recently Teacher also taught us many times, "No matter how busy you are, you cannot neglect Fa study. This is what fundamentally assures your moving towards Consummation and doing Dafa work well."
After this regret, I earnestly studied the Fa, read Teacher's articles, and discovered that every word and every sentence was aimed directly at my heart. Only in this way can we constantly improve ourselves and "cultivate until no attachments are left," (unofficial translation of a poem in Hong Yin) in the process of Fa rectification. Thus in this chaotic and difficult period, we must achieve the goal of reinforcing righteous thoughts and beliefs amidst the evil and brutal persecution, complete each step successfully, achieve Consummation and follow the Teacher home. Now, I formally proclaim that the speeches and the actions I said, did, or wrote before that violated Dafa are all void. I firmly believe in Dafa and the Teacher. From now on, I will continue to step forward, continue to clarify the truth, and become a Dafa particle who is responsible for the Fa, responsible for practitioners, responsible for society, and responsible for myself.
