(Clearwisdom.net) When I was young, my life had always been very sad because my parents were not happy together. I was in the 3rd grade when my mother started to have affair with someone else, and I could barely feel any warmth at home. I often had to face my parents' arguing when I got home. My suffering increased as days went by. I often cried and hated my mother's lover very much. Each time, when I saw him, I always glared angrily at him though I was just an elementary student at that time.
As the painful days went by one day after another, I felt if I didn't have such a situation at home, I would not feel so much pain. Since then, I no longer considered this family as a support; loneliness and loss were my friends accompanying me all the time. My parents finally got divorced when I was in high school and I went to live with my father. In the beginning I thought things would be better, since I would no longer have to endure my parents' arguments, however my father was not very good at taking care of me and was busy all the time. Very often, I was home by myself. I finally realized what real loneliness felt like. I missed my mother, and my spirit almost collapsed. I went through each day in a numb state of mind. Luckily I always believed in Deities and Buddha since childhood, and had read many cultivation stories. I knew that only through cultivation could one really get out of the abyss of misery. I knew I shouldn't lead my life in such a way. One day, I finally made the decision that I must pull myself together again. I decided to practice cultivation!
Teacher Li mentioned in the book Zhuan Falun,
"One should return to one's original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human. Therefore, once a person wants to practice cultivation, his or her Buddha-nature is considered to have come forth. Such a thought is most precious, for this person wants to return to his or her original, true self and transcend the ordinary human level." "When one's Buddha-nature emerges, it will shake 'the world of ten directions.'[A Buddhist conception of the universe] Whoever sees it will come to give a hand and help this person out unconditionally. In providing salvation to humankind, the Buddha School does not attach any condition or seek returns, and it will help unconditionally. Accordingly, we can do many things for practitioners."
Right after I decided to practice cultivation, Teacher arranged the opportunity for me to obtain the Fa.
I had a classmate who was not very close with me in the past. However, by coincidence we had a conversation about cultivation. He introduced Falun Gong to me very enthusiastically, and also helped me to buy the book Zhuan Falun. When I got home from school, I read the book quietly, until two o'clock in the morning and finished the book without a break. My heart was filled with confidence and from that point, I decided to practice Falun Dafa.
I remembered one day from that time, when I was reading Falun Gong books in the bookstore. There was no one around, and I sat on the floor quietly reading the book. Suddenly, I felt a person standing by my side. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that this person was very tall and wore a golden-yellow kasaya [a type of robe worn by cultivators of the Buddhist school]. When I turned to look at him carefully, he disappeared. Now I understand that it was Teacher 's law body looking after me. Also, later in my cultivation, I learned my predestined relationship with my classmate. In a previous life, I was a woman who loved him, but unfortunately had to marry someone else. Now by introducing Dafa to me, he settled our predestined relationship this way, thanks to Teacher's benevolence.
After practicing Falun Dafa for some time, I started to introduce Dafa to my parents. Although my father didn't want to learn, he still sincerely felt Dafa was very good as he saw the good changes in me. After listening to the tapes of Teacher's lectures, my mother also wanted to introduce it to her friend. Later, my mother and her friend felt what Teacher talked about in the lecture tapes was very good and reasonable, and they also wanted to learn. So I took them to attend the nine-day seminar. When I saw the friend my mother had mentioned, against my expectation, I was shocked. It was the person I had always hated, her lover, and a flame of anger suddenly burst in my heart. Yet I realized right away that I was now a cultivator and I should not behave like that anymore. So I tried to behave naturally, but it was still a little awkward. As I kept practicing cultivation, I found that, actually, this was nothing. Teacher mentioned in the book Zhuan Falun,
"Ordinary human affairs, according to the Buddha School, all have predestined relationships. Birth, old age, illness, and death exist as such for ordinary people. Due to karma resulting from past wrongdoing, one has illnesses or tribulations; suffering is repaying a karmic debt, and thus nobody can casually change this. Changing it means that one would not have to repay the debt after being in debt, and this cannot be done at will. Doing otherwise is the same as committing a bad deed."
I realized that everyday human beings are just as such, ignorantly creating karma and paying back karma while deluded in the maze. In fact it is all very unfortunate, and there is no point in being angry with them. I no longer had any hatred towards my Mother's friend in my heart. I sincerely wished that he could also strive forward vigorously in Dafa and reach Consummation as soon as possible.
It is Falun Dafa that truly gave me a new life.
October 2, 2002
Category: Improving Oneself
