(Clearwisdom.net) Reading the article written by a fellow practitioner entitled "Study the Fa Well; Take Purging Our Own Problems With Righteous Thoughts Seriously" on November 10, 2002, made me do some serious thinking and allowed me to clearly see my own long-standing, unresolved problems. All these problems have negatively influenced my Fa study and my ability to send forth righteous thoughts.
All Dafa practitioners as a whole have grown more and more mature in the Fa-rectification. Many practitioners have done numerous Fa-rectification jobs and clarified the truth to sentient beings under difficult circumstances. But have we ever thought of this: No matter what we have done or how much persecution we have endured, we are honored with the great name of "Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples." We are still cultivators at the present time. We still need to assimilate ourselves to Dafa and get rid of our attachments. We should never neglect to continually upgrade ourselves as individual practitioners.
I used to think that it was a kind of disguised selfishness to upgrade oneself or even to save the sentient beings in our own celestial bodies, and that we should spend more time and effort saving the world's people. Now I understand that if we cannot solve our own problems, no matter what we do, we will not reach the Fa-rectification standard. On the contrary, all these attachments will be used by the evil to persecute the Fa. If we ourselves are not rectified, how can we actually rectify others? Besides our own consummation, saving the sentient beings in our own celestial bodies is also a personal obligation that we must fulfill.
I remembered that in the individual cultivation period, before the persecution started in China, all of us were very strict with ourselves. Every morning we got up early to do the exercises, at noon we did the sitting meditation, and in the evening we studied the Fa as a group. We would point out the shortcomings of whoever did not do well and thereby improved as a whole. And now, when the environment is so severe, how everyone cultivates all depends on oneself. When there are no opportunities to share experiences as a group, if we cannot "look inward" for all our own problems, it is more difficult to improve, and we may even put ourselves in a position to suffer tribulations for a long time.
Teacher has taught us the Fa to eliminate "our own problems." For all of our own shortcomings, we can use our righteous thoughts to eliminate them. The key point is recognizing our own attachments when they surface. When conflicts occur, can we really identify our own faults? Do we really have the determination to get rid of these attachments?
Since I had been doing very poorly in some things, I felt a little bit disheartened. I have also done a lot Fa-rectification jobs, but I just did not have strong enough righteous thoughts to get rid of my own attachments. Once I got distracted, my morale really dropped. Sometimes I felt that my own behaviors were not those of a practitioner's. Even though I knew it was a kind of interference, I was just too lax with myself, resulting in precious time being wasted and the prolonging of my personal misery.
I slept too much during the recent past and still felt very drowsy. I also still enjoyed playing games. I dare not imagine what a great loss it is when we as cultivators cannot control our every single thought and action well enough. I know that it is the evil that uses my own attachments to keep me from thinking about my own problems.
In Lecture Four under "Loss and Gain" of Zhuan Falun, it states, "This directly involves our own minds. In order to eliminate this negative thing, you must first change your mind." When we change our own notions and see clearly where the problem is, it is not that difficult to get rid of the attachments. In this interference, if we can look inside and get rid of the attachments being targeted and the interference itself, then we can very quickly eliminate these residual evil lives.
I remember one fellow practitioner mentioning in an article on the web, "If we do not do well in saving the sentient beings, it is as bad as killing." I do not want to comment on the accuracy of this statement, but when I am not doing well, my nose will bleed "for no reason." I know there must have been lots of lives being eliminated. Sometimes when I did not get up to send forth righteous thoughts at 6:00 a.m., I dreamt there were dead bodies all over the floor. When I washed my face, my nose was bleeding again. I used to think that the reasons I was not doing well enough were related to the degeneration of the sentient beings in my own celestial body. I just tried my best and did whatever I could do. Those that were not good were just waiting to be eliminated. I felt it was really difficult to get rid of all my attachments and to do everything well enough. Actually I did not have the great compassion to save all the sentient beings.
As the Fa-rectification has reached its present stage, the residual evil lives are closely related to the parts in ourselves that are not well cultivated. All the degenerated notions that resist Dafa will generate many evil lives. If practitioners cannot always look inward and keep strong righteous thoughts, the evil will multiply. We should not keep asking, "Why is the head of the evil still so violent? Why does the persecution still continue?" We should first ask ourselves, "What are we actually doing? Are we truly reaching the standards of the Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples? Do we still have attachments that can move our hearts? How is our own state of mind in studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts?"
No matter what great and sacred things we may have already done in saving the sentient beings, we must continue our efforts, since this is our own obligation; something that we are supposed to accomplish. We should not relax the requirements for ourselves when we seem to have done something well. Because we are still cultivators, we should always measure ourselves by the standards of a cultivator, send forth righteous thoughts in view of our own problems and pay close attention to our own cultivation. We shoulder the responsibilities for the sentient beings in our own celestial bodies. When we truly reach the state of "being as unmoved as a Buddha's warrior attendants," the evil will find no place to hide and it will completely disintegrate.
This is my personal enlightenment. Please rectify it with compassion if there is anything improper.