November 29, 2002
(Clearwisdom.net) Compared with other practitioners around me, I have always felt that I have been doing very well in looking inward. Indeed, in certain aspects, because I could look inward, in the process of Fa-rectification, in the face of various tribulations by the evil forces, and at the grim moment when I was persecuted, I was able to remain unmoved by everyday people's mentality, and able to clearheadedly get rid of fundamental attachments and impure degenerate notions. I remained steadfast in Dafa and held a firm belief in Master; I was able to deny and clear away all the arrangements by the evil forces, and consequently I was able to walk out of danger, time and time again. Because I could look inward in the face of conflicts, I was always able to look for causes and problems within myself and be kind and understanding towards others. I cherish every cultivation opportunity, constantly breaking through levels and purifying myself.
Recently, though, I find there has been a certain obstruction that I was unable to break through. I was unable to find the fundamental cause, until a few days ago, when a practitioner around me was arrested. This practitioner is very close to me and I could clearly see her problems. Usually I would have pointed these out to her directly, and for a long time that was how we treated each other. Later, other practitioners around me pointed out that I tend to talk with an air of leadership and tend to criticize others. I looked within and found that I indeed had a tendency of ordering others, especially in the case of this practitioner. I talked to her too much and with too much detail and as a result, even though she followed along with what I said on the surface, she did not truly understand and did not improve fundamentally. Therefore, I thought I should help her improve from the basis of the Fa and leave opportunities for her to enlighten to herself.
I changed my attitude towards her, and in order for her not to view me as a crutch, I gradually kept my distance from her. Although I could see that some of her not-so-good thoughts were taken advantage of by the old forces and that she had obvious problems, I failed to talk to her. My own notion of "looking inward," prevented me from talking to her, though the idea had occurred to me several times. I was thinking: am I driven by emotion? Am I too attached to others' attachments? Am I criticizing others again? Is this based on the Fa or not? When I saw her occasionally, because I was concerned that I would make the same mistakes, I would only lightly touch on her problems, which did not make any real impact on her.
I was very upset upon hearing of her arrest today. I felt I was partially responsible. I saw my own selfishness, and that I did not truly let go of selfness. I was attached to my own cultivation state and failed to do as Master told us, "The next person's things are your things, and your things are his things." ("Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference") I did not negate and root out the arrangements of the evil forces. Due to my limited understanding of the Fa, my "looking inward" contained "selfishness," and thus was not that benevolent. I had already noticed that her not-so-good thoughts were taken advantage of by the evil forces. How could I tolerate that and did not pay enough attention? I was being cautious, worried about my own attachment, and concerned that I might not act on the Fa. This superficial "looking inward" is in fact safeguarding myself rather than considering others first, and considering the Fa first. Dafa practitioners' looking inward in Fa-rectification should be on a high level, should be selfless, to the extent of giving up all we have for sentient beings.
We must rectify the impure way of "looking inward," because it deviates from the Fa, allowing us to fall into the state of individual cultivation, and it contains the degenerate notions of the old forces. It brings about negative and passive factors, which are also a kind of manifestation of the old forces. These must thus be rectified in Fa-rectification as well.
