(Clearwisdom.net) Levi Browde and Jason Loftus were the two Western practitioners who were illegally arrested when they went to Tiananmen Square to peacefully appeal for Falun Gong on the afternoon of February 11, 2002.
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Reading
During the first year after I obtained the Fa, reading formed the foundation upon which my cultivation, and indeed, my life was based. The most precious time of my day, and the time of day I most looked forward to was the evening when I could sit down to read the book Zhuan Falun.
I would typically read through one lecture in Zhuan Falun, and then try to read something additional, such as a part of a lecture or learn some of Master's Fa in Chinese. I remember how incredible it was that such a simple act could completely change and uplift me in such a short time. As I would study the Fa, understandings and profound changes to my being would unfold. I could truly feel that Zhuan Falun was a ladder to heaven and I was climbing higher and higher the more I studied and assimilated its contents into my heart.
On some occasions, as I would put the book down and look out over the city lights from my apartment window, I felt I was not even part of this Earth. I could clearly see the realities of this dimension, the meaning of human life and the purpose of my being here at this time during the Fa-rectification.
Many months ago, however, things began to slowly change for me. More and more responsibilities for Dafa work arose, and the local practice environments began to fade as practitioners became busier with their work.
I still knew the importance of reading, and so remained diligent in studying the Fa everyday, but looking back now, I see that my concept of studying the Fa had, ever so slowly, become more mundane and shrouded with human concepts of "studying" and "reading." At times it would be better, at times it would be worse, but overall, my sense of reading shifted; whereas before it had been the most important and sacred task I could do and in my heart it was a truly precious gift. More recently, however, studying the Fa has taken on a growing sense of human "responsibility," as if it were just something I had to do each day, like a household chore. Additionally, a notion of studying the Fa merely as a necessary support to my other Dafa work rather than as a sacred and necessary endeavor in and of itself began to form in my mind. My conscious mind still saw studying the Fa as "necessary," but the sacredness and the sense of studying the Fa being a precious gift had faded, being replaced more and more with an obligation to a common task.
My cultivation and Dafa work progressed fairly well. As a cultivator, I would stumble at times, and by looking inside myself, I would enlighten to a problem and then move forward, having rid myself of another attachment. Still, I've had a sense for many months that there is a larger step I needed to take in order to keep pace with the Fa-rectification and to fully and completely play my role as a Dafa particle. But I just didn't seem to be able to take this step...or worse, even to see what step it was that I needed to take.
Additionally, I found that I'd been having trouble even doing the basic things, such as getting up in the morning for practice, reading through at least a complete chapter of Zhuan Falun each night, rectifying the environments around me with righteous thoughts, etc. In my mind, I tell myself "I need to read more," but time and time again, being eager to tackle Dafa work, and ensure it all progresses well and gets done, I've continued to treat Fa-study more as a chore than as precious time that I should treasure. Although, there are times when I study the Fa well and break through barriers, more and more I've had the sense that I am stumbling through my cultivation rather than progressing diligently in a righteous manner and in accordance with the requirements of Fa-rectification at this time.
Returning to Genuine Fa-study
Recently, we had an intensive reading session in our area. We read three chapters of Zhuan Falun on the first day. During the first chapter, I was very sleepy and had to struggle through the reading -- a problem I had been facing a lot at that time. During the second chapter I continued to be a little sleepy, but my mind began to become more and more clear. As we read the third chapter, my mind became very sharp. I could once again sense the preciousness of this opportunity to study the Fa and the profound ways in which this simple act truly changes my being in profound ways.
After that first day, my life completely changed. I felt my being was automatically in the Tao. My thinking was clear and I knew what I needed to be doing. My energy was strong and I did not waver. My mind was calm and clear to see each moment as it arose and I would approach it from the standpoint of a cultivator, rather than just stumbling through the moments of the day, sometimes cultivating, sometimes not, and not terribly clear.
We finished reading Zhuan Falun by the early afternoon of the third day. This intensive reading reminded me of how sacred and precious the opportunity to study the Fa is. It is truly a ladder to heaven and the foundation upon which our cultivation and all Dafa work should be built. As Master said in the Washington DC Conference, "Under any circumstance, in any period, and no matter how busy you are with your work, you can't stray from your Fa-study, as this is what fundamentally ensures that you'll continue to improve and reach Consummation. You can't do Dafa work without studying the Fa, or it would be an everyday person doing Dafa work. It has to be Dafa disciples who do Dafa work--this is something required of all of you" ("Lecture on the Fa at the Washington, D.C. International Conference" [7/21/2001]).
After this group study, studying the Fa regained its place in my life as the foundation of my very existence, and many changes have come about.
Whereas before, I would often have to struggle through group studies in order to stay awake and focused, I now often am completely engrossed in the reading and a chapter of Zhuan Falun flies by very quickly, such that I am disappointed when we come to the end. Whereas before, I often struggled through exercise 5 with many thoughts running through my head and little tranquility, I can now often sit very tranquil.
I've even noticed little changes in my physical appearance. After studying the Fa with my full attention, I noticed that my hair and skin became very soft, my body feels light as if I can float away and, my mind is calm, clear and strong.
The most tremendous change, however, that I have noticed take over my being since I redoubled my efforts to truly study the Fa well every night is that the perception of my own attachments and my cultivation experience throughout the day has gained a heightened sense of awareness. That is, during the past months of struggling, I would often go through the entire day, or sometimes even days, without consciously and clearly recognizing attachments, guarding Xinxing and cultivating myself. When I got home at night, I would often be hard-pressed to identify an experience during the day in which I encountered a situation and consciously cultivated myself through it. Now, however, as my Fa-study has become more focused and diligent, it is as if entire dimensions are unfolding in front of me. When an incident occurs, I can clearly recognize that a test is on its way, identify the root attachment it has exposed and cultivate myself through it. Now, when I get home at night, I have countless little stories from each day of cultivation experiences and opportunities. It is like I have awakened to a new level and can see a more microscopic level of attachments and notions. At times, of course, I still cannot handle them very well. However, overall I feel tremendous joy to finally see the root cause of so much of my uncultivated side, so that I can begin to break away from it. The following are just a few examples of such experience.
Benevolent Solutions
When Master's article "Foretelling the Fa's Rectification of the Human World" came out, I was particularly struck with a passage used in the first sentence, "The Fa-rectification moves through the world, the grand manifestation of Gods and Buddhas unfolds, and all of the chaotic world's unrighted wrongs and karmic relationships are settled with benevolent solutions." I began to think a great deal about how all things could be resolved with benevolent solutions if one's cultivated side comes into play. Yet, did I meet this standard? Did I resolve all issues in my own life and all difficulties I encountered with benevolent solutions? Certainly I didn't, but why didn't I? What was keeping me back? As I held this question in my heart, I continued with my diligent Fa- study.
Over the next few days, through some sharing of thoughts and experiences with other practitioners, I began to see problems in my Xinxing with how I deal with people and situations. As an example, I noticed how I wasn't very welcoming to new practitioners, and often, without introducing myself to them when they showed up at our practice site nor having any further thought about them at all, I would just sit down and begin the group reading, caring little for who they were, what questions they may have, etc. Why did I behave like this?
At the same time, I began to see that when I am in a situation with very strong-minded practitioners, I often do not stand from the perspective of the Fa, but will be swayed by their strong ideas or just remain quiet saying nothing. Why am I like this?
In both cases, the root problem is selfishness. Towards new practitioners, I did not have enough compassion, and I often would be so focused on myself that I did not stop to look around to make sure that the environment was a righteous one that would harmonize things at every level. With strong-minded practitioners, I found that it is again selfishness. I was so concerned about fame and reputation and what these strong-minded practitioners might think of me that this attachment would move me from seeing things from the perspective of the Fa to seeing things from protecting my own interest, my fame and reputation. Upon finding these problems in my Xinxing, I was a bit startled and shaken. But still, I kept up my diligent Fa-study.
As I went through the next few days studying the Fa and contemplating these selfish tendencies, I began to see a whole new level or dimension unfold before me. That is, I began to see traces of selfishness deeply engrained in everything I thought and did. For example, when I walked into my cubicle at work the next morning, I took a look at it. It was covered with Dafa materials, which I had always displayed prominently for everyone in the office to see. I put up photos of Dafa events, I had a whole bookshelf stacked with Dafa materials, I had Dafa calendars, etc. My desk was also covered with Dafa materials. As I stood there that morning, staring at my desk, however, a question struck my mind, "what was the reason I so richly decorated my cubicle this way? Was this done strictly out of benevolence and concern for my co-workers, and with the pure intent of helping them come to know about Dafa?" The answer was "not entirely." When I examined my Xinxing carefully, I could see that mixed up with my intentions when displaying all these materials was a human sense of "pride," as if to say to everyone in the office, "I'm proud that I practice Dafa." Looking at my cubicle that morning, I could see human pride embedded in my intentions to display so much Dafa material. What was the root cause? Again, it was selfishness. My starting point was from myself, and not what is best for Dafa and best for people to come to know and understand Dafa. Once I could see things from this angle, I instantly knew what to do. I put much of my Dafa material in my drawer and left only a few items in my cubicle, displayed in a friendly and welcoming manner.
On my way to the Chinese Consulate that Saturday, I stopped at a store across the street. As I was paying the bill, a Chinese man was in line next to me. He complained to the cashier about the Dafa practitioners "protesting" across the street, and then sat down at a table. I looked at him and started to think, "Here is an opportunity for me to clarify the truth to someone...ah, and this is a test for me." Viewing this situation as a test for me, I had trouble deciding how to approach him. I thought about this way and that way, and pretty soon I just couldn't think of anything clearly at all. I felt stifled. How should I approach him? What should I say? Before long I was walking out the door still thinking about how to approach this man, but having not said anything. How could I let someone go by, especially one of the Chinese people, without clarifying the truth to him? What had stifled me so much that I could not think of a way to approach him? Suddenly, the answer came to me and it was obvious: selfishness. I had viewed the entire situation from the perspective of myself, namely a "test for me," rather than from the perspective of Dafa with a pure heart and compassion strictly for this person so that he would know the truth. As soon as I thought about it this way, my wisdom opened up and I could easily see what to do. I simply walked over and started a conversation with him, naturally using wisdom to discuss matters in a way that he felt the conversation comfortable and enjoyable.
Pretty soon, I could see the shadow of selfishness everywhere, in my thoughts, my actions, my perspectives...it was everywhere, in everything I did. It was literal as if a whole realm at a more microscopic level than I had ever been able to recognize was suddenly being shown to me.
Then something truly wonderful began to happen...
Dafa is Embodied in my Heart
Over the next few days, as I could see manifestations of this selfishness more and more, a tremendous and fundamental change overtook my being. I felt light in the body, as if this more microscopic level of selfishness and attachments had been exposed to the sun and they began to melt away. Everything became effortless, and I began to see how in each and everything I came across, there was a benevolent solution for it. The moment my stomach would tighten or my brow would furrow at something I viewed as a problem or that which I did not like, my cultivated side stepped in, and calmly harmonized the situation, finding a benevolent solution for everything.
For example, I got an email from a practitioner in another area with whom I had had long-standing difficulties. We constantly avoided seeing each other face-to-face, and were always at odds. In the past, I had always shied away from speaking with her. However, when I looked at her e-mail this time, a joy arose in me spontaneously and I thought, "you know, I haven't really talked with her for quite some time." I picked up the phone and for over an hour we happily talked about our cultivation experiences and openly shared understandings and difficulties we had come across. I laughed that any kind of problem could have existed between us and thoroughly enjoyed the discussion. It was as if all difficulties had just dissolved.
On another occasion, as I was finishing up writing an article and was about to send it off, I then decided to let another practitioner have a look at it first. In the past, I would be hesitant to do so, worrying that this practitioner would bring up this and that based on his own attachments and slow down the whole process. As that thought began to arise, however, my cultivated side caught it, saying, "Ah ha! I see you, selfishness and you no longer have a place here!" I called the practitioner over and we happily worked away for the next half hour making changes here and there, discussing as we went. I truly felt like we were two divine beings floating in the air as we helped Master carry out the Fa-rectification.
Awakening to this new level and seeing the selfishness at this level has been truly wonderful. It has lightened my being, opened my wisdom, removed many long-standing problems I have carried around for so long and provided me with an understanding of how there are benevolent solutions to all things, and in all situations there is a compassionate approach. Even when we eliminate the evil with righteous thoughts, it is done from our compassion. I firmly believe now that there is a compassionate approach for all matters and benevolent solutions for all problems.
Why has this cultivation process in particular been so powerful and transformative for me? I think there are two issues at play. The first is the importance of identifying the root problem and not dwelling on manifestations. In Lecture One of Zhuan Falun, Master discusses selfishness,
"The space of the universe is benevolent to begin with and embodies the characteristic of Zhen-Shan-Ren. At birth, one is assimilated to the characteristic of the universe. Yet as the number of lives increases, a collective form of social relations develops in which some people may develop selfishness and gradually their level will be lowered. If they cannot stay at this level, they must drop down further. At that level, however, they may again become not so good and not be able to stay there, either. They will continue to descend further until, in the end, they reach this level of human beings."
My understanding is that selfishness lies at the root of our initial deviation or uncultivated side. As I observed the cases of selfishness in myself, I knew that it was not just a case of being "competitive in one situation" or "lacking compassion in the other," but an issue of truly looking at the root problem, and it all sprung from selfishness. The selfishness that had rested in my bones for aeons, gradually began to dictate my Xinxing until, when falling to this world of humans, it has become so innate to the human condition that it is often undetectable. Thanks to the great compassion of Master and the diligent study of Zhuan Falun, however, realms of selfishness have been fleshed out from their hiding places deep inside my being, and in clearing them out, greater levels of compassion and wisdom have been set free.
The second issue, I think, has to do with seeing a realm in its entirety instead of just a point. Master says in Lecture Two of Zhuan Falun,
"You know that the microscopic particles of matter include molecules, atoms, and protons. When investigating further, if you can see the plane of each level instead of a point, and see the plane of molecules, the plane of atoms, the plane of protons, and that of nuclei, you will see the forms of existence in different dimensions. All matter, including the human body, exists simultaneously in connection with dimensional levels of the cosmic space. When our modern physics studies the microscopic particles of matter, it only studies a microscopic particle through splitting it and fission. It will study its elements after nuclear fission. If there were such an instrument through which we could expand and see the level at which all atomic elements or molecular elements could manifest in their entirety, or if this scene were observed, you would reach beyond this dimension and see the real scenes existing in other dimensions."
From this passage and from my cultivation experience, I have discovered that attachments, like everything else, do not exist in isolation as individual points. That is, each point is just a separate manifestation of a realm or plane. When rooting out attachments, if I just see the attachment within the current context or just this manifestation, it is often hard for me truly root out the cause and lay bare the attachment. However, when I see the plane in which this attachment exists, I expose it in its entirety, enabling me to identify it as it arises in other aspects.
When I began investigating my selfishness, it was not a simple matter of being selfish for the purpose of protecting my fame and gain or being selfish to stay comfortable or any of these "points." It was a realm -- something that permeated my being at a microscopic level and, to varying degrees at varying times, it was interwoven in my thoughts, my speech, and my actions. Having exposed not just a point, but entire layers and realms of selfishness, I find Zhen-Shan-Ren naturally arising within me and the gloriousness of Dafa unfolding before my very eyes.
