(Clearwisdom.net)
I was illegally sentenced to ten years for making truth-clarification materials and was subsequently detained for sixteen months in a local detention center. Although on the surface I knew that Teacher doesn't recognize this persecution and we should also deny the persecution, during that time, deep in my mind, I did not completely reject it. I was still trapped in the framework of my preconception of passively enduring it, waiting and expecting the persecution to come to an end, and of silently consenting that the illegal sentence was something that could not be broken through. Having received a fixed sentence, I thought I could not escape it.
Through repeatedly studying Teacher's new articles, I realized that my ways of thinking were not right. Teacher says: "...don't wait, don't rely on others, and don't just hope for changes in external factors." ("To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference") I decided to hold a hunger strike to protest my illegal detention. On the third day of my hunger strike, the prison doctor, Liu, ordered me to go out for a force-feeding. I knew that when I was here previously, there were at least five practitioners who died on the spot while being subjected to this kind of barbaric force-feeding. I was definitely not going to cooperate with this kind of persecution. The head of the detention center, guards, and the doctor berated me as they tried to drag me out. Another two inmates came up and carried me out of the door by force. They cuffed my hands to the back of a metal chair, pressed my head back and made three attempts before they finally inserted the tube through my mouth.
Everyday I was dragged out to go through force-feeding. Sometimes after about a dozen attempts, they still could not insert the tube. I could not catch my breath during this kind of torture. If their attempts failed, they asked inmates to pinch my nose, open my mouth, and force the tube down. I refused to cooperate with them. The inmates then used chopsticks to pry my mouth open. Consequently, my jaw was broken and my cheeks were injured. The head of the detention center, Zhu, said in extreme anger, "If you refuse to take it we'll start force-feeding you twice a day. I have plenty of time to torture you!" I was tortured to the point that I was barely alive, lying on my bare bed (they refused to give me a mattress) and having convulsions every night. My cellmates could not bear to see this happening to me and some of them even cried, but the policemen simply ignored my condition. On the 7th day after force-feeding me, they locked me to a metal chair, but later I broke open the handcuffs and got out. Seeing that violence did not work, they came up with a new trick and sent my family members and my children to persuade me. Surrounded by family and having all sorts of fears, I compromised and began eating again.
Afterwards, seeing other practitioners getting out openly and with dignity, I myself also wanted to make it through. But I had something that I could not let go. As a result, I struggled in delusion for a while. Later a fellow practitioner came in and her words shocked me greatly. She said, "The harsher the situation, the more steadfast we are in Dafa. Teacher can do anything."
Teacher says:
"Speaking from another angle, my disciples, when the old forces are able to do what they want to do, isn't that because you've silently consented to what they want to do? ... In contrast, those disciples who've let go of life and death aren't afraid of anything, and the evil beings are in fear of them. But the reason they can let go is that they've cultivated well." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
"It is hard over there. But no matter how hard it is, have you thought about what your future will be? Have you thought of the fact that your future Attainment Status needs to be founded upon magnificent mighty virtue? Have you thought about the fact that what you'll get is the True Fruition of a God or Buddha who's validated the Fa? Have you truly and completely let go of humanness because of this? Are you truly unshakable and solid, like diamond, and without attachment and omission?! When things are truly like that, then you should take another look and see what the environment is like." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
Referring back to Teacher's Fa, I discovered that my inability to firmly demand an unconditional release was the consequence of my not letting go of human notions, having fears, not completely rejecting the old forces' arrangement, and silently consenting to the illegal sentence. Teacher says: "The whole cultivation process of a Dafa disciple is a process of removing human attachments. No matter what it is you've experienced, as soon as you realize the problem just correct it immediately; if you fall, just get up and continue to do what a Dafa disciple should do." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, 2003") "In the eyes of human beings things don't change, but in the eyes of Gods all of this changes." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference") "What I'm telling you is that when you're truly able to let go of the thought of life or death you can do anything!" ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
I decided that even if the Fa were to be rectified the next day, today I would still try to break away. I definitely could not accept the ten-year sentence. Once again, I started to hold a hunger strike to protest. The second day they sent me to a female prison. On my way there I clarified the truth to the police. Meanwhile, I sent righteous thoughts and asked for Teacher's support. I definitely was not going to a prison because Dafa practitioners should not be in prison. When I got there they examined my body and refused to take me in because I had scabies. They had no choice but to take me back to the detention center. I knew it was Teacher who was helping me and giving me another chance, so I would try my best to do better.
That afternoon, a female disciplinary guard forced me to apply medicine to the scabies. After learning that I was on a hunger strike again, the head of the detention center again ordered them to put me on force-feeding. Each time, they had to insert the tube over and over again, and there was always blood on it when the tube was taken out.
I remembered Teacher's words in my mind:
"If you can let go of life and death, you're a God; if you can't let go of life and death, you're a human..." "Even if you have a little hardship, if you steel your will and withstand it, you'll find afterwards that everything you do will proceed differently." ("Teaching the Fa in New York City, 1997")
"A Great Enlightened Being does not fear hardship
Having forged an adamantine will
And with no attachment to living or dying
He walks his path of Fa-rectification openly and nobly"
("Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions")
They then sent my family members over to see me again. I bore in mind Teacher's words: "So in any situation, don't be affected by human-type behavior, don't be affected by human thoughts, and don't be affected by the feelings and emotions in this world, either." ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference") The police did not leave us alone for even one minute, watching us closely and listening to what we said. I told my sister, "If I die, it will be because they tortured me to death. I will never commit suicide."
On the 7th day, they made several attempts to insert the tube, and the doctor said that my stomach was completely empty. I was tortured so badly that I went into convulsions again. They saw that it was not going to work, so they decided to give me an IV, but they could not find my vein. They stuck the needle eight to nine times until my vein was punctured through. Because I was detained for such a long time and suffered repeated force-feedings, I had been tortured to the point that I was barely alive.
On the 8th day of my hunger strike, an inmate carried me on her back and took me to a hospital. (It turned out that my family made a request to send me to a hospital. The detention center saw that I was not going to live without treatment, so they went along and agreed to do so, but my family had to pay for the expense.) The doctor said, "This person will die if she is not hospitalized." I sent righteous thoughts in my mind and asked Teacher to support me. I knew that I definitely would not die.
I thought about what Teacher said:
"Fa-rectification disciples, the persecution has already come to this stage, and Dafa has already come to this stage in the Fa-rectification: what's there for us to still be afraid of? Haven't you already seen your future very well? So when it comes to those evil beings and their arrangements, as long as your righteous thoughts are strong enough you can reject them, repel them, and make them helpless." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A., 1992")
I thought I definitely could reject their arrangements. The head of the detention center had no choice but to agree with my admission to the hospital.
I stayed in the hospital for three days. My relatives and friends came in, group after group, and they all tried to talk me into eating. I told them that I cultivate Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance, and there is nothing wrong with it. I had already been detained for over a year. I definitely would not endure this kind of persecution any more. My family members told me to eat something secretly, and they would find a way to get me out. When my family members told me that they could find somebody to get me out, I did have a moment of wavering in my mind. Then I realized that it was not right. Teacher says: "Absolutely don't think about any favors the old forces might do for us, or about how the ordinary society might help us." "You are Gods, and you are the future rulers of different cosmoses, so who would you count on?" ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A., 1992")
A police instructor yelled at me, "You have been sentenced to ten years. We won't let you out even if you are dying from your hunger strike." I refused to listen. Instead, I sent righteous thoughts, asked Teacher to support his disciple, and asked fellow practitioners to send righteous thoughts to support me: Eliminate all the evil who persecute me and all beings who have been willing to be used by the evil without any reservation. In my mind, I talked to the lock and chain, "You are all living beings, don't be so willing to be used by the evil without any reservation." That night, with the power of Teacher's Fa and the support of fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts, I was able to escape the den of evil after holding a hunger strike for about a dozen days. I was back on the course of the Fa-rectification.