Cultivation Diary: Validating Dafa Instead of Proving One's Own Self

(Clearwisdom.net)

Presented below are several insights that I've recently enlightened to in my personal cultivation. Please kindly correct me if there's anything improper.

"Saving Sentient Beings"

Having heard fellow practitioners talking about "saving sentient beings" on many occasions, I often had this feeling that mentioning it too often made it sound like a cliché or a simple formality. It wasn't until recently that I realized that it was my problem that I had this feeling, and that it was I who had turned such a sacred and true mission into a mere formality. Therefore I was not able to personally feel my fellow practitioners' deeply felt benevolent conduct, and their natural state of assimilating to the Fa. During our local group study when we were discussing rescuing practitioners who were detained illegally, a fellow practitioner's words touched me and moved me deeply: "Do we want to rescue fellow practitioners after all? Do we want to save sentient beings of the world after all?" Yes, I've gone to collect signatures, I've distributed flyers, I've attended meetings, I've participated in group discussions and experience sharing and I also felt that I've made quite a lot of breakthroughs in understanding the Fa; however, did my mind really take the initiative to reach the standard required by the Fa-rectification? In terms of being busy, indeed I have been "busy", and in terms of being devoted, indeed I've "devoted myself" [to Dafa work]. Accordingly, I felt quite comfortable with myself -- I certainly hadn't fallen behind in Fa-rectification activities. However, amidst being "busy" with Dafa activities, I suddenly discovered that I'd lost sight of my initial goal: Have I really thought about saving sentient beings from the bottom of my heart? Have I really thought about others from the bottom of my heart? Had I really understood the weight and the true significance of "saving sentient beings"?

Teacher tells us:

"I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears" (from "Clearheadedness", Falun Dafa Essentials for Further Advancement).

It doesn't matter if it is a person, a nation, a country or a bigger living being, if it can feel from the foundation of its life that we are really doing something for its own good, it will be moved. Dafa practitioners are present in many different countries, and from a certain point of view, we are the hope of salvation for people throughout the world. When we came down to the human world and settled down in these various countries, have we selflessly taken on the responsibility that we have towards these living beings? When we received support and protection from kind-hearted people, did we reward them with the help that their lives truly need, and did we treat them with the compassion that is capable of melting steel and iron? A while ago my attachment to comfort emerged, my pure thinking also slacked off, and my immigration procedures encountered some difficulties. I asked myself: "Have I come to this human world, and am I protected by this country just to live an ordinary person's life? How much have I selflessly devoted myself to the people of this country? Am I truly here for the good of these living beings?"

I felt an unprecedented, and tremendous responsibility.

Validating Dafa Instead of Proving One's Own Self

Not long after stepping out of the conference hall during the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference, I had a conflict with my mom who is also a practitioner. I felt that she was not justified in treating me a certain way. I couldn't stand it, and I wanted to jump up and fire back. At the time, I truly suffered the pain of not knowing how to control myself clearheadedly. Just when my thoughts were tumbling around and I didn't even seem to be able to study the Fa. I remembered that Teacher told us not to fight evil with evil. Teacher's words are the Fa. The side of me that was clearheaded kept reciting Teacher's words while bad thoughts kept stirring up and emerging from the side of me that was not clearheaded, and thoughts of blaming my mother kept surfacing. The process of walking my path righteously seemed so difficult! Suddenly a voice arose from the bottom of my heart: "Teacher, I really 'do not want to fight evil with evil'. I really want to walk each step righteously. I can't bring loss to the whole body because of my loopholes. I beg Teacher to help me." As soon this thought emerged, all the bad waves of thoughts that were tumbling so violently disappeared completely. All of a sudden, my thoughts were so quiet that I even felt it was incredible. It was a heartfelt freshness radiating outward after being cleansed thoroughly.

I remembered what I just heard when Teacher expounded upon the Fa:

"Question: My state has been good off and on throughout the Fa-rectification. I have not been able to let go of my pursuit of comfort and my mind has been upset by this.

Teacher: Teacher can help you. But it will work only if you strive forward diligently." (From Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference, draft translation subject to further improvement)

I understood all at once. What Teacher had been waiting for was that one thought of mine that was truthful. I clearly and truly saw it: Teacher was helping me. Ever since that truthful thought emerged, I constantly felt that Teacher was helping me, guiding me to study the Fa, guiding me to look within myself for the cause of problems, step-by-step.

Afterwards, I mentioned this experience to my mom, with the intention of validating the miracle that Dafa had displayed in me. I got carried away as I talked and talked, and it sounded as if I was trying to prove that the enlightenment quality I'd cultivated was very high. Looking at mother's reaction, I immediately realized that I was wrong. Consequently, I thought about the great deal of selfishness I'd displayed when I did Dafa work on a regular basis: As I did Dafa work I couldn't help but try to prove to my fellow practitioners my capabilities, my devotion and my merits, showing off how good my enlightenment quality was, and, at the same time, trying to hide even more closely my very deeply-hidden attachments with superficial elegance and grace. I tried my best to change others instead of changing myself. This reminded me of a certain characteristic of the old forces: slickness.

Teacher said,

"Except for new practitioners, Master has not created any personal cultivation test for any one of you since July 20, 1999. Because your personal cultivation has completely taken on the aspect of saving sentient beings and validating Dafa."

"Through actual practice the Mainland practitioners have proved that Dafa is solid and indestructible without Master's presence. Just follow and do whatever a Dafa practitioner should do, then anything can be resolved."

"Of the three things in validating the Fa: study the Fa well, clarify the truth and take sending forth righteous thoughts seriously--when these are put together, these are all validating the Fa, saving sentient beings and are things that Dafa disciples should do" (from Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference, draft translation subject to further improvement.)

As I reviewed Teacher's words, I suddenly felt my small and trivial attachment quickly eliminated in this grand current of the Fa-rectification. My attachment was dissolved in Teacher's great compassion. I felt even more the weight of the word: responsibility.

Righteous Belief

In the past I used to look at fellow practitioners' attachments with my prejudiced and stubborn point of view. In particular, when I looked at others' attachments while holding on to my own attachments, the more I looked at them the more I felt their attachments. I was not aware of the fact that this was the result of my unkind heart. Once when I was communicating with a fellow practitioner, I couldn't help but "level with" him: "Seriously speaking, I've been somehow afraid of you. Because the impression I got from you before was that you were a little conceited and thought highly of yourself." That fellow practitioner froze for a moment, then smiled and said: "Then you just didn't quite believe in the power of Dafa. You are worried that such a powerful Fa would not be able to dissolve this tiny and insignificant me?" I was speechless.

Before, I used to feel that my mother had quite a lot of attachments, and the more I thought about this the more frustrated I was. I thought: Fa-rectification has already reached this point, and she is still holding on to so many attachments and will not let go of them. I raised this point to her during one of our conversations. Mother countered, with a bright smile: "You really don't quite believe in Dafa's power at all. Everybody is cultivating and melting into this Dafa. Who doesn't want to get rid of the bad things quickly?" How similar was the remark! I pondered it carefully. Although mother had stumbled here and there on some issues, she had always been making unwavering efforts to look inside herself. Suddenly I realized that I was the one who actually had a problem. Looking back at my Fa-rectification journey for the past several years and carefully reviewing the tremendous physical and mental changes of every practitioner around me, I saw that that kind of force that created such benevolent changes was something no ordinary human's theory could have achieved. I couldn't help but be moved and touched by the Fa's greatness and by Teacher's immense graciousness. Mother said that sometimes when I encountered a problem or when I saw fellow practitioners' attachments, I would fall into ordinary people's agitated state. What I lacked was a cultivator's composure based on knowing what to do, the confidence and spirit of being "in control of Heaven and Earth, rectifying the human realm" (from Teacher's article "The Foretelling") -- the bottom line was that I didn't have a completely firm and indestructible, righteous belief in the Fa.

Jealousy

For a while I noticed that I had a certain tendency, namely, that I never hesitated to speak of fellow practitioners' shortcomings. I just opened my mouth and spoke out and I didn't treat the issue with pure compassion (besides, afterwards I noticed that quite a lot of the attachments I saw were based on my own point of view and using my judgmental standards to criticize others, while in fact they were not what I thought they were). On the other hand, when I was being criticized by others, I felt hurt and I instinctively protected myself or even retaliated.

It was really so strange when I thought about this. In the past, before I started cultivating, all my friends considered me as a person that was best at seeing other people's strengths and other people's sunny sides. As I thought even harder, it became clear to me: It was all because of "jealousy" and "conceit". At the time, I was the so-called "elite" among ordinary people, a person that grew up experiencing other people's praise and jealousy. A natural sense of superiority enabled me to still have room in my heart to sympathize with others, to discover others' shining sides or even to please people who were jealous of me so that I would not be rejected by them. I was especially friendly to those people who were more capable than I or who were not in the same profession as I, because they existed at a safe distance from me and we would not have any conflicts of interest. However, all these superficial phenomena didn't mean that I was not jealous. When I saw a person whose background and capabilities were compatible with mine and who was also in the same line of business as I, if they delivered a better performance than I, I discovered that I would be upset about it -- even though I would still complement their achievements superficially.

After I started cultivation practice, my understanding of this issue became clearer. I became more aware of the damage this had on the whole body amidst Fa-rectification cultivation. I latched on firmly to fellow practitioners' attachments because of my own jealousy, and picked on others either intentionally or unintentionally; I participated in criticizing others' shortcomings and became overly enthusiastic as I talked about it. Sometimes when I saw a practitioner's loopholes being taken advantage of by the evil and thus causing losses, the thought would cross my mind: "See! He cultivates so well. But doesn't he also have loopholes". I even developed the ordinary people's mentality of "competition," when the cultivation state of other areas' practitioners was better than that of our area's. In all these manifestations of jealousy, I could see the old forces' shadow subtly. Thinking that I was a capable person and being jealous of other Dafa practitioners, I held on tightly to Dafa practitioners' attachments and looked for excuses for persecution. As a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple, how could I allow their existence? How could these bad thoughts be allowed to create gaps and thus stall the whole body of Dafa practitioners? When I developed the mentality of "jealousy", it seemed as if I could see the sentient beings I was responsible for also competing with each other, fighting and harming each other and living in misery. I had let down their expectations of me. The process of facing directly and removing my own very deeply hidden attachments was painful. However, I must choose to remove these attachments as soon as possible. Perhaps the removal of this attachment seemed slow and not obvious on the surface, however, I felt that this attachment quickly disappeared in the grand current of the Fa-rectification. Teacher has guided me and made me realize the great responsibility of a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple. Every thought, every conduct of ours should be rational, and responsible to sentient beings.

I know I must take the initiative and make unwavering efforts to follow the Fa's requirements and to walk my path righteously. I shouldn't wait till my loopholes are being taken advantage of and only then correct myself passively.