(Clearwisdom.net) In my cultivation I always held the view that my Xinxing [mind nature, moral character] improves relatively faster than others. When facing conflicts in personal cultivation I could always laugh it off. I also thought that I have a faster and deeper understanding of the Fa.
After 1999, I felt my cultivation state had become better and better. I was full of compassion. Whoever met me would remark, "You are so kind." Fellow practitioners also said: "You've cultivated really well." I also felt more "smug" as time went on. Although I told people to pay more attention to studying the Fa [universal principle], I felt that I myself had cultivated so well, I had already melted into the Fa, so it was all right for me to study less. In fact, I had already deviated from the Fa at that point. At the time, I felt I was quite good, and my sense of "self" was also very obvious. I did not realize that everything was bestowed upon us by the Fa.
In 2001, I ran into more and more conflicts. I even felt that it was strange. Why were there so many difficulties? I regarded them as interference that should be rejected, rather than looking within to see if I, myself, was the problem. Later on I just followed my feelings when running into problems. One most obvious example is that for a long time I did not know what I was reading when studying the Fa. I did not even feel that there was something wrong with such strong interference. I still believed that my cultivation state was quite good.
In September 2001, the persecution against Falun Dafa affected me. I still did not realize that my problem was in my attitude toward "Fa study" and my fundamental understanding of the Fa. I took the wrong path while facing persecution. After paying the price and thinking it over, I finally recognized the root cause of my problem. When Master talked about "the choice" and about the importance of studying the Fa in his lecture, "Touring North America to Teach the Fa," I was deeply touched by all the things that Master has given us. What could there be that was special about oneself? The slightest thought in this direction would be taken advantage of by the evil. The lessons I learned are profound. In front of the boundless Fa and Master, we are so insignificant. Everything we have was given to us by Master and the Fa.
