(Clearwisdom.net)
I used to argue with my wife often. Recently, I came to realize that getting angry is also an attachment. True cultivators should not get angry. When I enlightened to this, I felt my Xinxing level improve immediately. Soon after, my wife and I had another conflict. I was just about to get angry when I remembered that anger is an attachment that I need to get rid of. With this thought, I immediately calmed down and became harmonious.
Since I first enlightened that getting angry is an attachment, and determined myself to get rid of it, it's been over a month that I haven't argued with my wife. My relationship with my wife has been very good so far. No matter what happens, I look inside and try to dig out my shortcomings and attachments. Before, I would get caught up in the conflict, and instead of looking inside, I would blame my wife and find excuses for getting angry at her. Now I can see that I wasn't cultivating myself at all when that happened.
As long as we have an attachment, a tribulation or a conflict is bound to occur in order to expose it. When Teacher exposes the attachment, He does not assess whether we were right or wrong -- this is not important in the overall picture. The only thing that really matters is whether we still have the attachment. For example, after I got rid of the attachment to getting angry, I wouldn't get angry no matter what my wife said or did. With such conditions there was no longer any need for her to create conflicts to help me get rid of the attachment. Therefore, when you realize that you have an attachment, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible. Then you will be able to break through a given cultivation state.
Teacher said,
"When a cultivator doesn't want to get rid of his attachments, quite often his excuse is, 'When other people criticize me, I don't want to hear it, but if Master says something to me I'll want to hear it.' But if Master said something to you, would that big mountain of yours just be gone by itself? Would that hard rock just dissolve without cultivation? If I did that for you then it wouldn't count as you cultivating, so I can't do that, and you yourself have to cultivate it away. There are many things that you can't do but that Master can. And so how does Master do them? It's not like as soon as we come into contact I'll remove them. When your righteous thoughts are firm and when you can repel those things, I remove them for you bit by bit; however much you can do, that's how much I remove for you and diminish for you. (Applause) But since you're a cultivator, you have to truly hold yourself to the requirements for a cultivator. Even though sometimes you still can't quite get there yet, you've got to at least have those righteous thoughts, and you've got to cultivate yourselves." (Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference)
However, Teacher told us a long time ago that cultivators should not get angry. Why had I only recently enlightened to it and started to take it as a requirement for myself? If I had listened to Teacher long ago, wouldn't I have already improved myself? I then came to understand that we should do what Teacher tells us to do, regardless of whether we have enlightened to why we should do it or not.
Of course, it would be very difficult to be tolerant if we still have the attachment of getting angry, since the elements that are related to the attachment are still there, and they will try to come back. Therefore, it will be very difficult if we try to restrict our temper simply by using everyday people's techniques. Nonetheless, we should still be strict with ourselves and do our best to follow what Teacher tells us, since striving through difficulty is precisely the process for us to get rid of our attachments. Teacher said,
"...Cultivation itself is not painful--the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain." (True Cultivation from Falun Dafa Essentials for Further Advancement)
Having faith in Teacher and the Fa, we will be able to improve fast, and we will be able to do well with the three things that Teacher asked us to do.
The above is my personal understanding. Please correct me if I said anything inappropriate.