(Clearwisdom.net) Master has given many hints in his teachings that studying the Fa will improve one's character (xinxing). Many practitioners have also shared their experiences on this topic. Now I also would like to share my understanding gained from experience.
I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1997. After the persecution started in 1999, I was detained by the authorities. Upon my release and return home from the detention center, due to the persecution, as well as my notion of fear, I didn't have contact with other practitioners for a while. I just studied Zhuan Falun by myself at home. My mind was unsettled and there was much interference. I also felt extremely worried and even did poorly in clarifying the facts.
It was Master's merciful arrangement that totally changed my state. During the summer break of 2004, I had a practitioner-colleague come over to my home for a gathering. I mentioned my situation to her, explaining, "My heart is just like a boat that is unable to reach the shore. I always wanted to get closer to Master, get closer to Dafa, yet I am not able to make it." I felt such agony. I only wanted to cry. She told me she had recently learned how to get on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. She was moved upon reading about fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts and righteous actions and was particularly impressed with the article, "The Story of Reciting the Fa." She hoped I also could read it.
She installed software on my computer to enable me to break through the government's Internet blockade. My husband had bought the computer just a few days earlier. I realized that this must have been Master's merciful arrangement! As soon as my colleague left, I immediately got on the Minghui website. I had a feeling of "being back home" and I felt so happy that I burst into tears. Master was right there, and the fellow practitioners were right there. I thought, "Great Master, your disciple really missed you!" I earnestly listened to a recording of Master's teaching/lecture on-line, and read practitioners' articles on the website one after another. I couldn't describe how excited and delighted I was. I finally found the cause of my problem - I had neglected Fa study. Hence, the first action I took was to study the Fa.
Because I couldn't concentrate on reading, I started to recite the Fa. At first it was fairly difficult. I could only memorize and recite one page a day. I didn't let up and I made up my mind to continue. Finally, after more than five months, I recited the whole book of Zhuan Falun for the first time. My xinxing level improved during the memorization and recitation of the Fa.
I made a solemn declaration to void any previous statement I had made about giving up cultivation and also wrote a statement to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and all its affiliated organizations. I realized from the heart that it's our historical responsibility to clarify the truth and to save sentient beings. I improved from a state of not understanding the reasons for distributing the truth-clarification materials to afterwards actively distributing the materials. Because of my initial notion of fear, I only put the materials out along the road. Later, I placed them in people's bikes or cars, in hospitals, in subdivisions, in the doorway of every house, and I even personally handed them to people face to face. I changed from walking away immediately after leaving off the materials to afterwards sending forth righteous thoughts towards the truth clarification materials, to help this information play its most important role during this Fa-rectification period: to assist Master in Fa-rectification and help us complete our great honorable mission. I also got over my fear of family members knowing about my practice and started clarifying the facts to them.
My notion of fear was eliminated to a great extent during my truth clarification process. My younger practitioner-sisters were surprised at my change. I told them that this benefit came from my effort of reciting the Fa. I suggested to them to start memorizing and reciting the Fa, which they later did and their xinxing level also improved rapidly.
I am reciting the book Zhuan Falun from memory for the fifth time now and the speed of reciting becomes faster and faster. I am getting more understanding of the Fa. I started to make use of additional truth clarification methods such as sending truth clarifying articles over the Internet. Certainly, I am still far behind compared to the practitioners who have cultivated well. In particular, I haven't broken through my resistance to face-to-face truth-clarification, and I haven't broken through my husband's interference and his disagreement with the Fa. I have wanted to set up a home-based truth clarification materials production site. Because of interference it hasn't yet been set up. My notion of fear has not yet been completely eliminated. I am confident, however, that along with my continuous Fa study and improvements, along with additional understanding of the Fa, I will catch up.
Now as Master's Fa-rectification process is accelerating, I feel the urgency of time more and more, and the need for doing Master's required three things well. My work schedule is tight during the day. So, after sending forth righteous thoughts at 6 o'clock in the evening I get on the Minghui website. Sometimes I send truth clarifying items to Internet acquaintances, study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts every hour and go to bed after sending forth righteous thoughts at 12:00 midnight. I get up at 3:50 in the morning to do the five sets of Falun Gong exercises. I try to finish at 5:55 a.m., and then send forth righteous thoughts.
This is my understanding at my present level; please point out anything improper.
