(Clearwisdom.net) Below is my experience in eliminating severe interference. I hope that this will help other practitioners in similar situations, so that we can improve together.
Recently, I sometimes did well in the three things we should do, and sometimes I did not, making my xinxing extremely unstable. Moreover, I had some attachments that I could not give up for a long time, and thus I went through a period where I felt "sick." Very recently, the evil created illusions to deceive me, and my mind came up with disrespectful thoughts towards Falun Dafa and Teacher. I could slowly overcome the dirty attachments, but I absolutely could not bear the disrespectful thoughts towards Falun Dafa and Teacher. It was like a knife piercing my heart. Sharp, guilty feelings came up again and again; it was so severe that I wanted to die. But I know the principle of cultivating Falun Dafa and that it is prohibited to take lives, or to commit suicide. Sometimes I could not bear to touch the book Zhuan Falun, because Teacher's photo is there. I could not face Teacher.
My mother, also a practitioner, said, "Since you can tell that the bad thoughts are disrespectful to Falun Dafa and Teacher, this means they are not your true self; they are thought karma, they are postnatal notions, and you should eliminate them." Therefore, when those bad thoughts arose, I thought, "This is not me; whatever you think, I will eliminate you." Teacher said,
"But thought karma can directly interfere with one's mind. Therefore, one's mind has swear words that condemn Teacher and Dafa, and one may think of some evil thoughts or swear words."... "Most people, however, can remove and resist it with very strong thoughts from themselves (A Strong Main Consciousness)." (Zhuan Falun).
I therefore sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my thought karma, postnatal notions, attachments and external interference. But because my righteous thoughts were not strong, the effect was not good; sometimes it took me 20 minutes to read one page of Zhuan Falun.
One night I really could not endure any more. I knelt down and with tears and extreme shame I said, "Teacher, please save this failing disciple." That night I had a dream. I was in a room with a lot evil spirits. I tried to hide from them, and finally escaped, but something was always pursuing me. Then I suddenly came out from the "me" that was being pursued. Standing behind that me, I saw the one that pursued me was a high-density big black ball. I thought: "Teacher help me!" But with this thought there appeared an even bigger black ball. This occurred several times, and then I awoke.
I shared this with my mother. She said that the black ball was my postnatal notions. What about the bigger black ball? I believed that postnatal notions also brought the even bigger black ball. I started eliminating my postnatal notions, and it did take effect. I felt less guilty and my body "sickness" was relieved a lot. But after a few days, the thought karma returned, my mind had bad thoughts now and then, and again I felt ashamed and unable to withstand the shame. Actually, isn't this an unconscious acknowledgement that it is my true self? If it were not my true self, why should I feel ashamed? Recently, I read an article written by a practitioner entitled, "Where Do Bad Thoughts Come From?" I then realize that the source was the Communist Party; my thoughts are created by the Party culture. In addition, with Clearwisdom's recent notice, "Clear away the evil dark minions and rotten demons, and eradicate all of the elements of the Communist evil specter," my determination to eliminate them was strengthened. Now, the bad thoughts have almost completely disappeared and I no longer feel ashamed. It is really like I have been reborn! I also clearly understand that the bigger black ball in the dream was created by the Communist evil specter.
When you read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, do not forget to clean up the bad thoughts that show up; they are created by the Communist evil specter. Once you can clearly recognize it, you are in the process of eliminating it. It uses all possible means and transforms into all kinds of thoughts to interfere with us, making those thoughts look more like ourselves than thought karma. We must clearly recognize it, and thoroughly eliminate it.
