(Clearwisdom.net) Before October 2004, I thought I was a pretty good practitioner. I clarified the truth, sent forth righteous thoughts, studied the Fa and practiced Dafa exercises. I felt I had been melting into the Fa.
However, what is real cultivation like? Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "...the whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments." I didn't truly understand what cultivation was. Therefore, I became lost during a tribulation.
My elderly mother-in-law was illegally arrested when she was distributing truth-clarification materials in October 2004. All my family blamed me since I'm a Dafa practitioner as well. My husband didn't allow me to practice Dafa any longer. I was confused and became afraid. I didn't look inside to dig out my attachments. Instead, I left home with my child. I thought I would be able to practice Dafa and study the Fa in a peaceful environment. However, I wasn't able to calm down since I felt anxious, even when nobody was there to interfere with me. Illness karma and interference from my family soon manifested. I almost wanted to give up practicing Dafa.
One day after the Chinese New Year, a thought suddenly came to my mind, "Teacher, please save me!" I couldn't stay at home any more. That night I went to a fellow practitioner's home. I bumped into two practitioners who were making truth-clarification materials with that fellow practitioner. We didn't talk a lot. However, I could immediately tell that they were so determined, and believed in the Fa and Teacher. I couldn't help wondering how come they didn't encounter any interference. How can they be so determined? After I came home, I picked up a Dafa book. It said,
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I thought about my past and all the things that I'd done. I found that I didn't completely believe in Teacher and the Fa. I didn't require myself to be a true practitioner. My omissions caused all the tribulations. From then on, I became strict with myself during my daily life. I acted as a practitioner when I interacted with other people. I no longer spanked and cursed at my child, or taught him lessons to study harder. Instead, I looked inside and educated him based on the principles of Dafa. Whenever I felt uneasy about something, I would say to myself, "Teacher, please help me. I must assimilate to the Fa. I must keep my heart steady." Then I was able to calm down. I put my mind into it when I studied the Fa and did the three things that Teacher asked us to do. Regardless of what happened to me, I was able to calm down, study the Fa and look inside. After that I was able to follow the Fa principles. Gradually everything returned to normal.
Then I came to realize why I thought I was good. I did a lot of Dafa work. However, I had an attachment of doing things. I was holding onto my essential attachment. Teacher repeatedly told us that we need to study the Fa more and do well the three things that he asked us to do. We need to cultivate ourselves well. Only then can we obtain mighty virtue for what we do.
One day I took some copies of the Nine Commentaries to a residential building. I went up to the top floor with a calm heart. I put my heart into it when I distributed the materials to each home. I recited Teacher's article,
"Everything in the world was established and created for the Fa-rectification, and Dafa disciples are the great figures of our time. Since ancient times the beings in all realms have waited in anticipation. Gather up and rescue the beings that you are to save! Have righteous thoughts and righteous actions, dissolve all hindrances, and spread the facts widely. Divine beings are among men."
("To the European Fa Conference in Stockholm")
I have a mission as a Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioner. I melted into the Fa when I was out there clarifying the truth to people, which made me feel Teacher's boundless compassion and the dignity of the Fa. Nothing can stop me from being a true practitioner.
