(Clearwisdom.net) I am a teenage Falun Dafa practitioner. My mother is also a practitioner. When the persecution of Falun Gong started, I was very young and could hardly understand what was going on. My mother went to Beijing to protest the persecution and tell the facts about Falun Gong to other people. My father is a policeman and could not endure the pressure. He divorced my mother and sent her away. I live with my policeman father and my stepmother. I am firm in my cultivation and the saving of sentient beings, but I had a fundamental attachment deep in my heart. It tormented me so much that I could hardly stand it sometimes.
My dad is deeply influenced by the communist party's education. He has a very bad temper and often orders me about or interrogates me. I disliked him. I used to be very afraid of him. Now I pity him and must constantly remind myself that I am his only hope for the future. My stepmother always complains that we do not have enough money. Her face changes whenever I mention money. She gives me very little. I get so upset with my stepmother's behavior, because I know my mother pays them enough money for my living expenses and school tuition.
I have too many attachments. I try not to feel angry or helpless when I get upset. I try to calm down and read the Fa peacefully. I believe if I choose to do the right thing, everything will be resolved eventually. It is easier said than done. I thought I was being persecuted only because I firmly practiced Falun Dafa, so I always felt that I was living under somebody else's roof in my own home. My family seemed to be in the shadow of terror. Gradually, I became very cautious and hardly spoke or listened to them. I truly felt exhausted. My mind would be clear after I studied the Fa or had a discussion with my mother. Then I would have the righteous thought that great compassion can change all these things. I tried to improve the environment again and again. I still could not change it completely. I didn't know what the problem was. I cried many times, asking Teacher for the answer. I really wanted to do better.
The situation continued until school break. The house needed renovation, so I was able to live with my mother for a month. My mother's place is simple. She uses the money she saves to help more people. I would become impatient and upset when I couldn't go home to change clothes when I wanted. I discovered my attachment to living comfortably. My mom realized it immediately and told me that I had to remove this kind of attachment.
I read the Fa and did the exercises freely. The peace and freedom of mind and body was beyond words. However, I still had one concern deep in my heart. I wanted to be close to my mom, but I was afraid. I thought, "As fellow practitioners we should let go of our sentiment for each other." I was afraid the old forces would use our sentiment for each other to persecute us. My mother is responsible for a truth clarification material site, and we had been apart for so long. This has always been a concern and a worry of mine. I know that problems must be exposed when they are realized.
I told my mom about my concern. She said, "The mother and child relationship is the dearest relationship that gods give to human beings. It is the nature of life. We should be even closer, because we are fellow practitioners. We would be living together now if not for the persecution. As your mother, it is my responsibility to take care of you and raise you. It is against nature for mother and daughter to be distant from each other. I had a dream in which Teacher asked me to take good care of you. As practitioners, we should follow the course of nature. Don't fear this or that. We haven't been together for more than five years and this is an opportunity that Teacher has kindly given to us. I am truly thankful." My mom's words removed another hard attachment. I realized it was the old forces and the dark minions using my fear to interfere with us. They couldn't stand us being more diligent in cultivation. After I understood this, it never troubled me again.
A few days later the renovation was finished. It was time for me to leave. I was not troubled, because I knew that my mom's heart is always with me, no matter where I go.
I was welcomed home by my dad and stepmother. There was an unfamiliar coldness coming from them. While I unpacked my things, my mind pondered my stepmother's smirk and the cold feel of the house. I knew this was only an illusion. No matter how bad they treat me, I know they are under the influence of evil. The purpose was to make me give up on them. Then what will happen to them?
Teacher once said that only practitioners are in the leading role today. What we think matters. I am sure I can change all this. I sat down at the table and told my stepmother, for the first time in my life, that I liked her cooking. I told them some of the interesting things that happened in school. My dad and my stepmother smiled.
At that moment, I truly experienced the kindness of the real people behind the cold masks. They both said that the house was different without me and that the laughter had returned to the house with me. I helped clean the table and do the housework after dinner as usual, but this time with a different attitude. I genuinely want what is the best for them and treat them as my family. Before, I didn't care. The ice started to slowly melt and be replaced by warmth.
At that moment, I realized why I could not achieve this before. It was because I treated them as part of the persecution. I blamed them for separating me from my mother. I hated them and I was shocked by that hatred. How frightening it was. How could I hold compassion for them with such hatred?
I am really thankful for the month I had with my mother. Teacher's arrangement helped me understand tolerance, compassion, caring for family, and how to be a good daughter. I am so grateful. I am more mature now, and I have realized many of my fundamental attachments.
In the process of recognizing and removing my fundamental attachments, I no longer passively accept things. I know I am here for their good and they should know it, too. Every night at eight and nine o'clock, I send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements that prevent them from understanding the truth, from practicing the Fa, and from understanding the true nature of the communist party. I show them with my actions how virtue can create a righteous culture for the future. I know they are changing as the evil continues to weaken.
During the course of cultivation, I felt helpless, I felt confident, I had too many attachments, I was diligent, I felt lost, I had regrets, but I also felt true happiness. I overcame attachments and passed tests with Teacher's help and protection. I know Teacher always has faith in his disciples. It is truly a blessing to be Teacher's disciple.
