(Clearwisdom.net) I wish to share with you my experience of living in harmony with my family.
Cultivating well is the foundation towards family understanding and support of truth-clarification
I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1998. At the time there was great conflict between my husband's family and me. I had not spoken with my sisters-in-law for several years. After learning the Fa, I understood that gratitude and grudges between my husband's family and me were caused by grudges and gratitude from prior lives.
Teacher said,
"In cultivation practice, there may be two scenarios when dealing with specific conflicts or when others treat you badly. One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life. You feel in your heart that it is unfair, 'How can this person treat me like this?' Then why did you treat this person that way in the past? You might claim that you actually did not know it at that time, and this life has nothing to do with the other life. That does not work." (Zhuan Falun)
From then on, I no longer fought and quibbled with them. No matter how they treated me, I treated them well. I took the initiative to speak with my sisters-in-law, tried my best to help them, and, lo-and-behold, the conflicts of several years disappeared in no time. Since then our entire family has lived in harmony.
After the persecution of Falun Dafa and its practitioners began on July 20, 1999, I went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Dafa. I was arrested and detained at a detention center for a year and a half. After I was released, I helped my family understand the truth by telling them about the changes I experienced in my body and the improvement of my mind. I also told them about the benefits Dafa brought to people's bodies and minds. I made them understand that practitioners appealing in Beijing was no more than telling the truth about Falun Dafa. My family members thus gained further understanding of Dafa.
Teacher said:
"as a cultivator, you should make use of all feasible conditions to spread Dafa and validate Dafa as a correct and true science, rather than preaching or idealism--this is every cultivator's obligation." ("Validation" from Essentials For Further Advancement)
Teacher gave me the wisdom to help my entire family understand, and we lived happily and enjoyed each other's company. What I talked about was Dafa's superior qualities and benefits. I validated Dafa whenever I had the opportunity. In addition, I explained that the reason for distributing truth-clarification material was to let people whose minds were poisoned come to understand the truth. They understand now that we tell the truth so that they can gain the benefits Dafa bestows and that our nation can avoid natural and man-made disasters. My family understands the truth. They clearly understand that Dafa practitioners are saving people by accepting the risk of persecution when they distribute materials and only hold the wish to do a good deed. Alas, my husband's elder sister had a hard time understanding why we distributed materials and clarified the truth. After my mother-in-law passed away, she found out that my husband, also a practitioner, had supported his mother over the years and this helped her change her attitude.
As my husband's second younger brother was a bachelor, my husband's elder sister feared that we would gang up with the other two brothers and share their mother's assets and house. My husband and I told them that we wanted nothing, so the other two brothers felt too embarrassed to fight. They also came to understand that we had borne almost all the expenses of my mother-in-law, had done our best to take care of her, and had never asked for help from his sister and brothers. Also, when I was illegally detained, my husband had given his mother 30 yuan more each month. His first younger brother had given her 20 yuan a month, and the third younger brother gave nothing. We also found an overpayment of 300 yuan for the funeral expenses, which we returned to them the following day. My husband's uncle and his elder sister said that I became tolerant and noble after I started to practice Falun Gong. My husband's aunt said with smile, "No wonder your mother-in-law praised you when she was alive and that she felt relieved when you took care of things. I have watched you doing so well, which also makes me very happy." From then on, my husband's elder sister has trusted us a great deal and has understood and supported us with Dafa related things.
Because my family members understood and supported us in validating Dafa and saving sentient beings, we took on the eldest son's duties. We invited them to celebrate Chinese New Year and other festivals with us. Although our little three-person family lived a simple life, we cooked up wonderful dishes when family members visited at special festivals. We showed them a good time and let them enjoy the food and feel the sincerity of our peaceful life. My husband emotionally said, "Dafa is so good. It really changes people. If I did not practice Dafa, I would not have invited more than 20 people to my home and offered them food and drink. I would think that it would cost too much. Also, the mess and dirt they leave behind would upset me." I agreed with him. If we did not practice Dafa, we would have had nothing to do with them after his mother died. Now my husband and I help them whenever the need arises. When his younger sister gave birth, we gave her 200 yuan, and I cooked and delivered meals to her. After her child was one month old, I invited her to stay at my home for a week. I cooked different foods for every meal every day. His third younger brother lives close to us. He paints the house every year. My husband helped him, and, after work, I cooked the meal and invited them over.
After several years of helping, my husband's elder sister, and his two brothers' wives began to practice Falun Gong, though not in depth. When I clarified the truth whenever they were present, they helped explain the truth and told other people that we were all learning Dafa. They also explained the truth to people around them. The elder sister of the first younger brother's wife also began to read Zhuan Falun. During the 2003 Dragon Boat Festival, the husband (non-practitioner) of my younger sister-in-law hung 60 pairs of gourds on neighbors' gates, with the words, "Falun Dafa is good" or "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good" or "The World needs Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" or "With one kind thought towards Dafa, heaven will bestow happiness and safety." When our third younger brother's wife visited her mother or younger sisters at home, she took truth-clarification VCDs and materials and also distributed them to others. When the daughter-in-law of my eldest sister-in-law visited her mother's place, she also gave truth-clarification VCDs and materials to her family and friends. The relatives of our family withdrew from the evil party and its associated entities, one after the other.
Bringing harmony to the family is the foundation of telling the truth to relatives and friends
I have a relative who lives in another area. She is over 60 years old. When she visited my home in 2000 when I was in the detention center, my in-laws told her about the changes they saw in me after I started to practice Falun Gong and about how I had been persecuted. Not long afterwards, she went back to visit relatives in a village in Shandong Province. At that time, the television was broadcasting programs that slandered Dafa the entire day. Her relatives and villagers told her that a lady in the village killed a person because the lady practiced Falun Gong. My elder sister then told them how I had changed once I had taken up the practice. They told her that practitioners would kill people after three years into the practice. Therefore my elder sister was in doubt about the goodness of Dafa.
She visited us again in 2001. I clarified the truth to her, exposed the lies made by the media, and gave her a truth-clarification VCD before she left. Because she was poisoned by the media lies and the incident of the female villager killing people, she did not watch the VCD. Recently she visited us again. I told her the truth and asked her to withdraw from the CCP and its associated entities. I also played a truth-clarification VCD for her, her younger brother, and uncles of my mother-in-law's family, and read Zhuan Falun to her. She listened and said that the book was very good. She realized that the book taught people to be kind and to become a good person. I again told her that the lady who killed people was definitely not a Falun Gong practitioner. Then I told her that I was given 4,000 yuan of the family's assets. Also, the second younger brother-in-law died from an accident, and the responsible party paid 20,000 yuan. It was shared among sisters and brothers, and we received another 4,000 yuan, making it a total of 8,000 yuan. I gave it to our family members, and told them that if I did not practice Dafa, I also would have wanted the money. I told her that now I understand you can't bring money along at birth or carry it after death. We should learn a lesson from the second brother's death. We should cherish our predestined relationship and hope that our sisters get along even better in the future. The elder sister asked me, "Are other Falun Gong practitioners as good as you? And are your thoughts in line with your actions?" I answered, "As long as the person is a genuine Falun Gong practitioner, he or she must do well and compare him or herself to fellow practitioners who do really well. But I feel that I still have a long way to go." She then asked, "Well then, what's the best level?" I said, "Teacher told us to achieve 'selflessness and altruism,' that every thought must be good towards others, and to consider others first. Based on this standard, I am simply too far away." She said with emotion, "You have now been practicing for three years, and you have become even better than before." When we buried our parents-in-law in the same grave, many people came to my home. After I arranged a place to sleep for them, I began to clean the room until 1:30 a.m., and the elder sister witnessed it all.
Our elder sister approved of our changes whole-heartedly and accepted Dafa. Her younger brother saw our family living a peaceful life and accepted the truth. They all accepted the Falun Dafa cards and silently repeat "Falun Dafa is good" and "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good." When my husband's uncle came to our home, he already had a Dafa card and took with him cards for his wife and three sons. In addition, his three sons withdrew from the evil party and its associated organizations. Uncle and aunt both understand and support us in validating Dafa. My husband and I brought truth-clarification materials with us when we went to see them on special occasions. They said to us, "You go do your own thing. You are doing great deeds. If everyone believes and learns Dafa, that would be great."
Due to attachments, the evil almost took advantage of a big loophole
After we buried our parents-in-law in the same grave and all the relatives had left, my sisters-in-law and I sat down to calculate the expenses. We decided that every family member should contribute 550 yuan. Regarding the 550 yuan, my xinxing ran into a severe problem. The first and third younger brothers had already decided that we need not contribute because each of them had received nearly ten thousand yuan. We had given our share to them. Now no one mentioned that we did not have to contribute, so I grudgingly paid the 550 yuan. When the first younger brother left, he also took with him the deceased's only wealth and property card.
Teacher said,
"if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve." (Zhuan Falun)
All my human notions overwhelmed me. I talked non-stop to my husband about all the things I had done for them since her death. I spoke of how I had treated them well, and even if they were stones, they should melt now, given all I had done. I said that I had not believed them to be so ruthless. If they wanted to come to my home to celebrate the new year, I was looking forward to their next performance, and so on. The more I thought about it, the more I felt the unfairness of it all. I could not calm down when studying the Fa, practicing the exercises or sending forth righteous thoughts. My mind was filled with bad thoughts. Then my body began to feel uncomfortable, like an everyday person's fever, and it became worse. I felt more and more depressed, just like what Teacher said,
"With attachments too strong, bearings are lost." ("The Knowing Heart")
I finally realized that something was wrong. I looked within, found my attachments to seeking fame, self interest, and asking for repayment, which developed in the attachment of competition and jealousy.
Teacher said,
"not eliminating the attachment to competition can both easily lead to jealousy." (Zhuan Falun)
After I looked further within, I found that my heart was not pure sometimes when I treated them well. I did not really feel good towards others. I also lacked tolerance.
Teacher said.
"In offering salvation to people, there is no condition or consideration for cost, reward, or fame. They are thus far more noble than the heroes of everyday people. They do it completely out of their benevolent compassion." (Zhuan Falun)
Although I found the attachments, I could not let it go. It still felt unfair.
Teacher said,
"you still have to walk the path of cultivation yourselves. To walk this path well and progress to its end--nothing is more extraordinary. I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society. All of those things can drag you back to being like an ordinary person. But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference")
Because I was unable to let go of these attachments, I could not do the three things well. My attitude changed for the worse. The more I held on to the attachments, the more the evil took advantage. It enlarged the attachments and almost dragged me back to being like an ordinary person, wasting all my previous efforts.
Given Teacher's merciful guidance, I began to write this experience-sharing article. As I wrote, I was able to completely abandon these attachments. I feel that my body and mind are relaxed, I no longer hold thoughts of vengeance, and I no longer have the attachment of seeking ordinary things. I also realized that having my brothers and sisters support Dafa is the best repayment. On the final path of Fa-rectification cultivation, I must ceaselessly rectify my words and my behavior and every thought of the Fa. I have to share while learning and share in cultivating and be diligent together with fellow practitioners.
