(Clearwisdom.net) I have been cultivating for 7-8 years. Now I look back, and I feel like I fundamentally did not know how to cultivate. It was only this year, especially these recent months, that I seemed to touch the boundary of cultivation.
I obtained the Fa at the end of 1998. Someone gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun, and I was attracted to the book without even realizing it. I read through the book, and felt like my soul was being purified, and I was happy from the bottom of my heart. Later, I was reluctant to read Zhuan Falun, and I only wanted to read Master's new lectures, seek new knowledge, and thought that Master's later lectures were higher teachings. I only read Zhuan Falun several times carefully, and then I started reading the book with my mind wandering all over the place. I was not even aware of what Master was teaching after finishing a section. I am not sure that I have ever finished reading Zhuan Falun 100 times in so many years of cultivation, and more seriously, the times that I calmly read and found that I was enlightening were very few.
Because of the lack of Fa-study, I have been comprehending Master's teachings with human notions, and they appeared not to be rational, causing me to easily go to extremes. When Master said we needed to be diligent, that it won't be long time until Fa-rectification ends, then I thought that all ordinary things were not important, and I did not want to do any ordinary people's things. When Master taught us that cultivators must get rid of emotions, I thought all family members were blockages on my cultivation path, and became disharmonious with them as soon as I wanted to be "diligent," as if I had to choose between family and cultivation. When I heard Master say that doing the exercises is an assisting method in cultivation, then I misunderstood it as either doing them or not doing would be okay. When I heard Master say that clarifying the truth is very important, then I was completely devoted to printing truth clarifying materials, passing out the materials, and I neglected Fa-study and doing the exercises; I thought that clarifying the truth would cover it all.
Since I lacked Fa-study, my xinxing level was low, and I did not fundamentally eliminate emotions. Therefore, I made mistakes. When I was sending righteous thoughts, I was doing it with human attachments: anger and hatred. I was sitting there thinking with all my might, and using my entire body's strength, causing me to be very tired after I sent righteous thoughts each time, and it even made me have a fear of sending righteous thoughts. I then seldom sent righteous thoughts. Finally, the evil exploited my gaps, and I took a big detour, which harmed myself and my family. I was very depressed for a long time, and felt like cultivation was too hard.
Later, through sharing with fellow practitioners, I calmly began seeking inwards. I found where I had gone astray. I seemed to have listened to Master's words, but I did not truly enlighten to the Fa or act according to Master's words. Master told us to study the Fa, study the Fa, and study the Fa, and read the book, read the book, and read the book. Master told us that He pressed everything into this Fa, and as long as we cultivated according to Zhuan Falun, we would reach consummation. Hence, I tried to read Zhuan Falun with a calm mind. At first, my mind was still wandering about, so I would read out loud to bring my mind back. If my mind wandered again, I would change back to reading quietly, and I could concentrate again.
I would change back and forth when studying the Fa, and gradually I concentrated my mind and calmed down, and I could enlighten to Fa-principles. I learned that Master has been teaching me to cultivate myself well and get rid of selfishness to be the person that always puts others first. I saw that Master taught me to cultivate while totally conforming with ordinary people's lives, still having family, friends, colleagues, social relations, but cultivating oneself solidly. I saw that Master taught me to have a compassionate, peaceful mind, and to treat others with benevolence. I learned that Master has told me that everything that happens is an opportunity for looking inside, and getting rid of attachments, so I can upgrade. I learned that Master has taught me that Falun Dafa is cultivating both mind and body, so we need to cultivate our xinxing and do the exercises.
Recently I started memorizing Zhuan Falun, and reading the new scriptures as well. Not only have I enlightened to many Fa-principles, but my mind has become stable. I feel serene, merciful, and happy. I can easily find my attachments and quickly grasp them, uproot them, and relinquish them as well. Especially when I updated the Chinese characters recently in Zhuan Falun, I often feel very peaceful, like I could sit for several hours without feeling uneasy. I used to be very tense, and I could not sit still for long. Now I feel the inner peace of an unmoved heart, and nothing can disturb it even if something dropped inside my mind. I truly experienced the wonderfulness of cultivation, and I am fortunate to be a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple. I feel Master's grand mercy and forbearance, and feel that Master is right beside me, protecting me, and guiding me with benevolent compassion. Thank you, Master!
Although I have improved a lot, I still have many attachments and human notions. Bad thoughts keep coming up, and my cultivation state is sometimes very bad. The good thing is, I finally know how to cultivate, which is completely negating the old force's arrangements, listening to Master, studying the Fa more, studying the Fa more, studying the Fa more, truly acting according to Master's every sentence, and walking straight on the path arranged by Master!
I probably did not express myself very well in this article, especially since I did not quote Master's words, but only wrote down my own understandings. Please correct me if there is anything improper.
