(Clearwisdom.net) I was born in an Islamic family and there are a lot of the Huis (ethnic Islamic Chinese people) in my hometown. The customary beliefs of ethnic Hui is therefore very popular there. As the Huis are mostly against Buddhism, my path to Falun Dafa practice was certainly not straightforward. Due to lack of Fa study or genuine practice, I experienced a lot of tribulations and my xinxing didn't improve. Since I haven't done well in the practice, I have never thought about sharing my experiences in writing with other practitioners. Some fellow practitioners reminded me that the cultivation environment Teacher established is to make it easy for practitioners to encourage one another and to share their experiences. Every practitioner should get involved in experience sharing. As a result, I was encouraged and started to write about my experiences to share with practitioners around the world and to help everyone improve, to elevate as a whole body, and to become a genuine Dafa practitioner in the Fa-rectification era.
Born in a big family, I have several brothers and sisters. As the youngest child, I was particularly well taken care of by my father. My sisters and brothers all loved me and I admired them very much. As an old Hui, my father made a rigid rule at home with regard to our marriages: No one can marry Han (Chinese) but must marry a Hui. Though living away from our hometown, my second oldest sister and I were no exception to the rule. Towards the end of 1998, I was so lucky to be able to learn Falun Dafa. After my practice, my health improved dramatically. In particular, my frequent stomach aches and the symptoms of constipation disappeared. Witnessing my significant health improvement, my father, a Chinese Communist Party (CCP) member and an old cadre, my oldest sister, also a CCP member and a representative of the National People's Congress, and my second sister, did not stop me from practicing Falun Dafa, although they were not very happy. They simply reminded me of not changing my belief in Islam.
The evil persecution began in 1999. With my lack of frequent Fa study and shallow understanding of the Fa, I became deceived by the CCP smear campaign on TV. With additional pressure from my family and because of my lack of righteous thoughts, I gave up my practice for a year. In that year, Teacher did not give up, though, as the Law Wheel kept spinning in my abdomen. Finally in August 2000, I came back to Dafa practice.
Knowing I began to practice Dafa again, my whole family tried to stop me. My oldest sister called me many times. Having realized that I wouldn't give up, she said to me, angrily, "You're so selfish! One who does not think of others is not a good person. Don't become the victim of the political movements!" My father also strongly opposed my practice. Then my other sisters and brothers called me. "Are you a Hui? Which Hui believes in Buddhism? It is you that our father loved the most, but it is also you that father was most angry at. You shouldn't practice if father doesn't want you to practice. It is not respectful to him if you don't listen to him. Don't practice even if it means death, let alone it would just mean suffering illnesses." In the face of all the pressure, I thought, "Teacher: Dafa is the most righteous and the best. There is nothing wrong with the fact that Teacher teaches us to be good people. I must uphold my belief and continue my practice!"
Soon after the incident of the staged "Tiananmen Self-Immolation," I got a call from home, saying "Our father is sick. Come home right away." As soon as I arrived home with my second sister, I learned that the whole family was trying to convince me to give up my practice. Because of my practice, my father had not eaten anything in two days. As soon as Dafa became the topic, he would become outraged. He said, "I must sacrifice ties of blood to righteousness. If you continue to practice, I will take you to prison. You must suffer."
My second oldest brother called my husband right away, "Burn all her books. I'll be responsible for the consequences, if any. Let me know when you're done." The whole family was in a mess. My mind was completely void. While my heart didn't get moved, I began to cry. Finally I said to them firmly, "My books have been burned. I don't have anything now. But I still believe in Falun Dafa!" My brother then yelled, "Then don't go home. Just help us run the business, from 5:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. Let's see if you still have energy to practice. This way at least our father still has this daughter. If you return, father would not even have his daughter." My father looked very pained. In the face of all these attacks, I tried very hard to restrain my emotions. Once again, due to lack of Fa study, I started to worry, worrying that my family would get into trouble, and worrying about their worries. Despite my belief that Dafa is great, I finally gave in.
After I returned home, my mind became blank again and I felt very bad. Just like a kite with the string broken, I did not know where to fly or where my roots were. I was confused and in pain. I felt as if I was falling into a deep valley. Deep in my mind, however, I had a strong desire, a desire to practice. Then I made up my mind. I found other practitioners and I finally returned to the practice of Dafa. My husband, my mother-in-law, and my second sister watched me together, to stop me from doing Falun Dafa exercises, reading Dafa books, or contacting my fellow practitioners. Going to Beijing to validate the Fa was certainly out of the question, as they surrounded me every day.
Teacher said,
"Any time some kind of interference comes along in your practice, you have to look within for the cause and find what it is you still haven't let go of." (Zhuan Falun)
I seriously told myself, "I must not be a indecisive. I must be steadfast. I must not lose the opportunity." Later I learned that the books were not burned. Maybe because my heart wasn't moved, Teacher was helping me, helping me to stand up. I was so touched that I started to cry.
Knowing I renewed my practice, my husband began to swear at me. Beatings and swearing became routine. Once, he was so angry that he wanted to tear the book. Trying to protect the book, I fought with him, but finally I fell down. The book was saved though! I did all the chores and I tried my best to be tolerant. Since my father-in-law died, I had been living with my mother-in-law for thirteen years without ever quarreling with her. In fact, I used to be taken as the role model for a good daughter-in-law. Teacher said,
"But, usually when a conflict comes along, if it doesn't provoke you, it doesn't count, it doesn't work, and you won't be able to improve from it." (Zhuan Falun)
Sometimes, there were many chores and they were very tiring. Yet no one in the family was sympathetic. Instead they were still very picky. Sometimes I really was in pain and it was very hard to tolerate. I even thought of getting a divorce. Later I suddenly awoke. Teacher said,
"Let's think about it. You're a practitioner. Shouldn't you follow a higher standard? You shouldn't go by the criteria that ordinary people go by." (Zhuan Falun)
Then I managed to let go of the attachment.
It is our duty as practitioners to clarify the truth and to save the world's people. Despite the tough environment at home, it is more important to be responsible to Dafa. Therefore I never told my family about my truth-clarification activities. In the winter of 2003, I was about to go out to distribute truth-clarification materials so I left them at the corner of the house. My husband started sweeping, however. Afraid of his discovering the materials, I followed him, when the phone rang. Since I didn't go to pick up the phone, he was very angry. In fact, he was so angry that he swore at me and threw my feather jacket on the ground. Then he poured a cup of water on it. I quickly picked it up and put it near the heating vent. I thought, "This is interference from the evil to stop me from going out. As a Dafa practitioner, I must listen to Teacher to go out to save people." I kept sending forth righteous thoughts, and as soon as the jacket became dry, I left home. That night, I safely returned home after finishing distributing the truth-clarification materials.
In 2004, I was reported by a neighbor when I was distributing the materials. A regional police officer came to the Neighborhood Committee. Having learned this, my husband was so outraged that he tore up the rest of the materials while swearing. I began to send forth righteous thoughts to stop the evil from damaging the Fa. Back then I was very peaceful and didn't have any thoughts that I would be arrested. Indeed the officer did not come and the incident quelled. From this I experienced what Teacher said is surely right,
"...just by having your heart unaffected you will be able to handle all situations." ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
To help my family members understand the truth, I bought some clothes, enclosed a truth-clarification CD and material in them, and mailed them to my father. Later I learned that they burned everything. In August 2005, I brought home with me the truth-clarification materials and tried to urge them to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Nevertheless, due to the CCP's extensive brainwashing, my family members were afraid, and they held that the CCP gave them good lives and that I was involved in politics. My truth-clarification was ineffective, partially because of my lack of sending forth righteous thoughts. That night I happened to be away when they called me. Suspecting that I was outside doing truth-clarification activities, they decided to no longer recognize me as part of the family. When I called them back, no one answered. I realized it was my attachment to human sentimentality that caused so many troubles. I must advance in practice more diligently and tirelessly try to save them so they can learn the truth soon.
Regarding the three-withdrawals (quitting the CCP, the Youth League and the Young Pioneers), my fellow practitioners and I have been cooperating very well. As long as we have time after work, we will go out to do this. The practitioners around me are all very diligent in practice and they have very strong righteous thoughts. They are very helpful to me, too. Initially I was afraid of going out to clarify the truth to people and urge them to quit the CCP, but slowly I become more mature. Sometimes when people get saved by learning the facts and I see the excitement on their faces, I too am very happy for them. One day I was explaining the three-withdrawals to two migrant workers when they held my hands, emotionally, and said, "Thank you! Thank you!" I replied, "Don't thank me. Thank our Teacher."
As a matter of fact, I feel that I don't do well as a practitioner and I'm far from what Teacher requires of practitioners. But I'll try my best, do it with my heart, and strive to be worthy of the name "Falun Dafa practitioner." Due to my limited level, Please kindly point out anything improper.
Category: Improving Oneself
