(Clearwisdom.net) Some practitioners become plagued by illness karma for a long time. Whenever they feel ill, they send righteous thoughts. I think this masks the attachments the cultivators should let go of. This is possibly the reason that their sending of righteous thoughts has no apparent effect.
I experienced illness karma twice before. Through studying the Fa and looking inward, I found my deficiencies: one was my perception of "illness" and my attachment to fear. Whenever I felt ill, I was anxious or distressed and worried that the "illness" could get worse. The other deficiency was that my righteous thoughts were not adequate at the crucial time because I had not studied the Fa well before.
Master said:
"A cultivator cannot achieve Consummation when laden with human thoughts, laden with karmic debts, or laden with attachments." ("To the Chicago Fa Conference")
"Fear is a death trap on a human being's journey toward divinity." ("Pass the Deadly Test")
Harboring the notion of "illness" is an attachment, which should be relinquished, but the attachment to fear is even worse. Before, whenever I read about fellow practitioners losing their lives through illness karma on "Minghui Weekly", I felt pressured. Now I worry whenever I feel ill. Isn't this the result of not letting go of the notion of "illness"? Therefore, the interference must be targeting this. That's why I feel ill. If all were eliminated for me, how would I get rid of my attachments? Moreover, Teacher said:
"Going through hardship and suffering is an outstanding opportunity to remove karma, be cleansed of sin, purify the body, elevate your plane of thought, and rise in level--it's an extraordinarily good thing." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
Yet, I wished the test would soon be over. Didn't I treat a good thing as a bad thing? Isn't the more uncomfortable you feel the more likely your attachment will be exposed and your karma removed?
So, now when I feel ill, I examine myself to see what kind of thought has surfaced, whether it is a disquieting thought or ordinary person's notion. If it is, I just recite lectures and articles on illness karma. I find sometimes just one sentence can have an effect, and after reciting it several times I calm right down. At other times, I often recite the Fa, so that I can remember and apply it at crucial moments? Of course human thoughts do still frequently emerge, and I often wonder why. Then I realize that, one, the notion I have accumulated is formidable and I pay too much attention to my body, and, two, I still hang on to the human notion at the crucial moment. So now the only thing to do is to study the Fa more, be strict with myself, pay attention to my every thought, and strive to do well next time. Certainly lots of karma has already been eliminated and my confidence has also improved. Of course, I still need to send forth righteous thoughts, but I must achieve "doing without pursuit."
Why was I seriously interfered with twice during this period of Fa-rectification? Even after judiciously sending righteous thoughts, it lingered. What were the old forces after? Then I realized that I had yet to have an unshakable will. There is a sentence in Zhuan Falun: "If you say you want to steel your will, then with this thought, at that time you’ll really be able to do that, and naturally you’ll do well since your character has improved." At a critical moment, whether one's righteous thought is adequate or not depends on whether one has such a will. I asked myself if I could really "steel my will?" I found that I could not. No wonder I was in tribulation. So I calmed down to think about the reasons I need to steel my will. Finally, I came up with the following list:
1. As a human being, cultivation is the most righteous thing to do
2. Dafa is the most righteous Fa
3. Waiting for us is incomparable glory
4. I will not have another chance
5. All beings are counting on us
Although I realize these rationally, I find that I still cannot steel my will. My righteous thoughts are still inadequate. I know that I have yet to reach that level, which only comes about through long-term Fa study and cannot be forced. So I have to study the Fa. I often recite "Must 'steel your will'" and "your determination to reach Consummation is rock-solid" (Lecture at the US East Coast Conference (New York, March 27–28, 1999)). I peacefully recite them without carrying any human notions. I feel it is effective because that is the Fa. To fellow practitioners who are bedridden, why not give it a try? It does not tire you out and it is quite effective.
In 1999, Teacher said in Lecture at the Conference in New Zealand:
"Now that you have encountered Dafa, why still be troubled by those things? Set your mind at ease. You still have at least one breath left, and you still have at least one righteous thought, right? Then just cultivate Dafa."
Perhaps the tests the old forces arranged for some practitioners really are to let you be mired in that state. Then if you can make it, everybody will admire you, and the gods in the universe will admire you. Then again, if we regard validating the Fa and saving sentient beings as the most important, if our xinxing has reached that realm through Fa study and cultivation, the tribulation could very well be eliminated by Teacher ahead of time and it could be all over in no time. At the beginning, didn't some practitioners recover from serious illnesses after they cultivated Dafa because they gave up the notion of "illness"? Then if they can let go of the notion of illness amidst tribulations, who would not admire them?
Certainly, when we look inward, we also want to totally deny the old forces' arrangements. We cannot accept their persecution under the pretext of "tests."
These are some lessons I learned while passing tests. I have written them down hoping they can be helpful to fellow practitioners. Let us encourage each other with two lines from Teacher's poem "Don't Be Sad" in Hong Yin II:
"Calmly reflect on the attachments you have.
Remove your human thoughts and evil will naturally die out."