(Clearwisdom.net) I am a female practitioner who learned of Dafa in December 1996. I am a medical doctor, but being a doctor did not make me immune to illnesses. Not only did I have illnesses, but I had a lot: hypertension, stomach ulcer, liver infection, rheumatism, fibroid tumor, and others. In spite of my continued ingestion of western and eastern medicines, my symptoms kept getting worse. It was not difficult to imagine my plight. With illnesses all over, I still had to go work as a doctor and treat other people’s illnesses everyday. Each day was a tremendous trial for me.
Two months into my cultivation of Dafa my illnesses all disappeared miraculously all of a sudden. I felt healthy and full of vigor. I had lamented that I was truly unfortunate to have had so many illnesses. Now, I felt that I was most lucky that I could learn Dafa.
However, since July 1999 when the persecution began, I have experienced four major "tribulations" in the form of "illnesses." The old forces attempted to test me based on the gaps and deficiencies in my cultivation. They tried to interfere with me to see if I steadfastly believed in Dafa.
The first time occurred in spring 2004. I suddenly felt that both of my arms were numb, and I had a headache. According to an ordinary person's theory, this is a pinched nerve in the spinal cord in the neck. But I then thought that I was a cultivator and that this was not an ordinary person's illness. I have done the three things that we were asked to do. Where did I go wrong to let the old forces into a loophole? Looking inward, I found that in the past few years, I had paid attention only to Fa-study. Because of seeking comfort and of being afraid of pain, I did not dare to try to do the full-lotus sitting. I was doing the half-lotus even after eight years of cultivation. I was too easy on myself. Teacher told us to "treat hardship as joy." Therefore I made up my mind that I would begin to do the full-lotus sitting. Beginning with 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and finally, I could last over half an hour. A few days later, all the pain and numbness in my upper arms disappeared.
The second time occurred in the summer of 2005. One day, I suddenly had diarrhea. Without thinking much I took a few pills that I made myself. Not only did it not get any better, it got worse and I threw up, too. I had to use the toilet over 20 times one morning. Besides being painful physically, my heart was troubling me, too. I felt that my stomach was going to explode and it was truly unbearable. I could not settle down. But I remembered right away that I was a cultivator, and I began to ask Teacher to help me and called out for Teacher. After walking in the room for over two hours with frequent visits to the restroom, the pain lessened somewhat and the diarrhea stopped. I felt a bit tired so I lay on the bed and fell asleep soon. When I woke up, everything was normal and I was comfortable again.
The third time was in the winter of 2005. I found that my left arm had a slight pain. I didn't know why, but my first thought was that of an ordinary person. I thought that it was caused by the coldness. So I asked my husband to do a little massage for me. But with this massage, it got worse and more uncomfortable at night. I then did some more massage with a masseuse for over ten minutes. It caused my whole left side, including my head and chest, to become very painful. I could not move my upper left arm anymore. I was not able to turn over on the bed. My husband thought I had a stroke and asked me to go to the hospital. I remembered then that I was a cultivator and that I should not have used ordinary people's methods to "cure my illness". Then, I thought, "Why not use this tribulation as an opportunity to improve my xinxing?"
I rushed to study the Fa and to send forth righteous thoughts the first thing the next morning. With excruciating pain in my body, I lay on the bed listening to "Pudu" and "Jishi" Dafa music and thought of Teacher in the meantime. In a half-sleeping state, I felt that I was immersed in a blue light. After about an hour, I vaguely saw a shadow of a human head, like that cut from a piece of paper, leaving my body. After that, my pain lessened significantly. I knew that the rotten demons and black minions were defeated by my righteous thoughts of trusting Teacher and Dafa. Everything returned to normal by the third day. After this tribulation, my righteous thoughts and my trust in Teacher and Dafa were even stronger. I deeply appreciated what was said in Hongyin II, "When disciples have ample righteous thoughts, Master has the power to turn back the tide."
The fourth time was in June 2006. One night, I felt that every joint was sore. This pain was accompanied by a headache, a stuffy and running nose, a sore throat, and coughs. In one word, it was unbearable. I sensed immediately that it was interference by the old forces. I sent forth righteous thoughts and began doing the exercises and listening to Dafa music. But it did not get any better after three or four days. Knowing that it was a rather large tribulation, I invited a fellow practitioner (my sister-in-law) to come and live in my home so that we could send forth righteous thoughts and clear away the evil together. I could feel the immense benevolence of Teacher and his caring for his disciples when we were sending forth the righteous thoughts. It caused me to weep profusely. This way, with my fellow practitioner's accompaniment in Fa study, exercises, and sending forth righteous, I felt much better after four to five days, and was completely recovered after a week.
I kept thinking, what did I do wrong to cause this tribulation that lasted so long? During my sending forth righteous thoughts one day, I suddenly remembered that a few days before the tribulation, I learned that a non-cultivating relative living abroad had gotten cancer and I began to send forth "righteous thoughts" to help him. I tried to eliminate the evil spirit of the Communist Party, thinking that I had some power and that I could help him eliminate the root cause of his illness. I did it a few times in a couple of days and stopped when I found that it did not seem to work. But I could see that I had a very strong mentality of showing off and a hidden attachment to the sentimentality among relatives. Although I recognized my mistake, I did not truly recognize it from the viewpoint of Dafa. After the tribulation, I felt very bad. Besides doing the exercises, studying the Fa, and sending forth righteous thoughts, I felt that my head was heavy and I had lots of anxiety. Occasionally, the thoughts of "life being boring" and "wanting to die" appeared in my mind. Luckily, I could recognize that these thoughts did not truly originate from me. Rather, it was the evil that was interfering with me. For sure, I had attachments that I did not give up, and the old forces took advantage of them. I invited fellow practitioners to study Teacher's lectures with me. We read "Teaching the Fa at 2005 Canadian Conference", "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles", Zhuan Falun, and Essentials For Further Advancement, and I recognized my mistakes one step at a time based on the Fa.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun regarding curing illnesses, "No true cultivator of Falun Dafa may heal people. As soon as you do healing, my Law Bodies will take back all the Falun Dafa things that your body carries. Why do we take this so seriously? Because it’s something that damages Dafa. Not only does it harm your own health, but some people just itch to do it again once they’ve healed something, and they’ll grab whoever they see to treat them and show off. Isn’t that an attachment? It will have a serious impact on your cultivation." In Essentials for Further Advancement, Teacher said, "Sickness-karma isn’t something that can be casually eliminated for an everyday person; this is absolutely impossible for a non-practitioner, who must rely on medical treatment. Doing this at will for an everyday person would actually be undermining the principles of heaven, for it would mean that a person can do bad things without having to pay for the karma. It is absolutely unacceptable for a person to not repay his debts—the principles of heaven won’t permit it!"
Only then did I realize from the bottom of my heart, that my attachments to sentimentality and to curing illnesses were taken by the old forces as a loophole. It caused me to feel tired of living and to not want to live. I had forgotten my promises from prehistoric times; forgotten that I was a practitioner. I almost destroyed myself. This incident made me see ever clearer from the principles of Dafa that we need to take everything seriously. We need to be very serious in treating our cultivation. We need to thoroughly eliminate interference of all kinds and truly elevate ourselves in the Fa.
Cultivation is a serious matter. We need to keep our minds and conduct righteous and walk every step of the way that Teacher arranged for us well. Each single thought of ours has to comply with Dafa. We need to do the three things well and remember Teacher's teachings. It is rather difficult to make progress in cultivation, but it is very easy to drop down. If one cannot be strict with oneself, the wait that has lasted for thousands of years can, in one day, end up with nothing. I will give up all of my attachments and remain in Dafa all the way to completion.
My level is limited and certainly I am not immune to mistakes. Please correct me if you see one.
Category: Improving Oneself
