(Clearwisdom.net) Greeting Master, greeting fellow practitioners!
I would like to share with you some of my experiences in overcoming a physical tribulation, and about my attachment to fear, and my ongoing battle against the demon of lust. When the New York City project began, I was responsible to set up a torture display and take it down at the end of the day. A few weeks into the project it was nearing the end of the day, and I had started to take down the exhibit with the other practitioners on sight. I was trying to mount something together with a bungee cord, and had extended the cord to its full capacity, when it suddenly slipped out of my hand and the metal hook on the end of the cord hit me directly in the tianmu (third eye), above and between the eyebrows. I had not experienced this kind of pain for as long as I could remember. I immediately pulled back and covered my face with my hands, as everything in front of my eyes turned white. I immediately remembered what our Master says in Zhuan Falun about how the single thought at the moment you encounter a tribulation will determine the outcome (paraphrasing). Master says in Zhuan Falun,
"We have said that good or evil comes from a person’s spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences."
So at that moment I totally blocked out any pain I felt and tried to continue about my business. However, there was one problem. Even though the metal piece at the end of the cord hit me in the tianmu (third eye), for some unexplainable reason I was now blinded in my two flesh eyes. At that moment I had about a million thoughts running through my head. The biggest attachment that surfaced was the attachment of fear. I knew that this was going to be a huge test for me and that my righteous thoughts were going to have to be very strong in order to get past this tribulation.
I had alerted some of the practitioners on site with me that I had lost my vision. So, they had asked the other practitioners with us to stop packing for a moment and sit down on the sidewalk to send forth-righteous thoughts. So we all sat on the ground and sent righteous thoughts together. After sending righteous thoughts, I was still unable to see. At this point I started to realize that this is probably my own problem, and I needed to look inside and find my attachments.
At this point we were finished packing and it was time to leave. I was not able to drive, so another practitioner offered to drive to the location where we store all of our things for the torture exhibit. During the ride from Manhattan to Queens I had many thoughts racing through my mind, and I knew that how I regarded these thoughts was going to be very crucial. I started to think of all the things that I wouldn't be able to do, that I take for granted in my day-to-day life, like walking across the street by yourself, reading the book, cooking, and so on. I started to think of all the negative possibilities and things I would no longer be able to do on my own, and then I realized that this was definitely not Master's arrangement. Anything that seriously impaired me from doing the three things that a Dafa Disciple is supposed to do must be the evil. So I recognized this as the old forces arrangement, and began to negate it. I started to say to myself, "Ok, If I cannot see, that's fine, I can still do the three things Master has asked us to do. Sending righteous thoughts I can do as usual; if I can not read the book, I may listen to the Fa; and I will still make phone calls to clarify the truth."
As the bad thoughts of fear started to come into my mind, I would immediately push them away, and not indulge them in any way. Gradually, I started to regain vision in one of my eyes. I had reached my house, and realized that, though I have regained vision in one eye, there was still a problem inside of me in order for this to have happened, so I began to reflect and look inside. I realized that I have a strong attachment to the demon of lust, and that I use my eyes to indulge this filthy attachment. So I decided to do the sitting meditation. When I finished, I regained full vision in both of my eyes.
That day I was able to find my attachment to lust, but the question of whether I have been able to rectify this problem in my heart is another story. Because of my attachments of fear, fear of how other practitioners may look at me, fear of losing reputation, and pride, I have been reluctant to talk about this hidden attachment. There have been times when I did not regard myself as a Dafa disciple and did things a practitioner should not do. In the past, when I was struggling with this or made some mistakes in my cultivation in this regard, I would only share it with a few practitioners I felt comfortable with. But in reality I was still concealing this attachment with impure motives. So I would like to take this chance to expose this very bad attachment to lust with my fellow practitioners, and vow to do better in this regard and not continue to take Master's mercy for granted. In regards to the attachment of fear, Master said in his article "Pass the Deadly Test,"
"Fear can cause one to make mistakes, and fear can cause one to lose a predestined opportunity. Fear is a death trap on a human being's journey toward divinity. You have made huge mistakes because of it already, and yet now that you want to correct them you are afraid of people finding out about them. Cultivation is a serious matter. If you keep harboring fears like this, when are you going to stop being held back by fear? To those students in particular who have been covering up all of these things and have seemingly acted better than most other students, if you don't let go of this attachment, stop your sinful behavior, and get rid of your fears, then no matter how many Dafa disciples' things you do, you are doing them to cover things up. If you let go of these sins that you have been carrying around and suppressing inside and you make your way back, then everything you do will be clean and part of a Dafa disciple's cultivation."
A prominent attachment in my cultivation that I was oblivious to prior to Master's article, "Pass the Deadly Test," is the attachment to fear. This attachment has seriously hindered the way I have gone about my truth clarification work. I used to fear that people I tried to clarify the facts to about Falun Gong, would already have negative thoughts about Falun Gong because of the CCP’s (Chinese Communist Party) propaganda. And because of my attachments to reputation and image, I would be afraid to look at this manner. Of course, I would still clarify the facts to people, however in my heart there was this attachment to fear, which may project in another dimension and have negative energy, and therefore make my truth clarification not as effective. This same situation was present when I was attempting to sell advertisements for The Epoch Times. I had the underlying fear that the people I was approaching already knew that the paper was affiliated with Falun Gong, and if the question were raised, how might I handle it? Instead of treating this with righteous thoughts and feeling completely comfortable and confident that this is the Great Fa of the cosmos that has created all beings and given all beings another chance to enter the future, I was interfered with by my attachment to fear.
One day I was encouraged by a fellow practitioner, who is also my colleague at work. A local representative from another company stopped by our office, and as soon as the guy entered the room, the practitioner asked him without a reservation, "Hey, have you ever heard of Falun Gong?" and he went on to explain about the evil CCP’s persecution. The local representative was very receptive and eager to bring back the information to his wife, who is from China. It was a clear example to me, that when our righteous thoughts are strong, we can control any situation. It is also an example of how we should not miss any chances, as there are so many people we come into contact with on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes, I may use the excuse that it is not the right time, or that it may seem strange if I bring it up then. But if our righteous thoughts are strong and we truly use our wisdom obtained from studying the Fa well, we will be able to use every opportunity to save people.
Thank you Master, thank you fellow practitioners.