(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I wish to thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my experiences and express my personal views on cultivation practice with you. As an individual, my own understanding is limited and I sincerely hope you will correct me if I am wrong in my interpretation.
Every practitioner has followed his or her path along the journey of cultivation. I have felt miserable about the beginning of my cultivation journey experienced thus far. I would like to share my understanding and interpretation of the attachment of showing off.
As a practitioner and a cultivator, we often read Zhuan Falun regarding the issue of "showing off,"
"Showing off itself is a very strong attachment and a very bad attachment that a practitioner must relinquish."("The Issue of Pursuit" from Zhuan Falun)
I have read this numerous times, but without enlightening or thinking deeply that my own showing off was a serious matter. One night after Fa study, we discussed the distribution of newspapers and materials to analyze the situation before distribution and minimize costs. I mentioned that "I always consider this matter (of saving costs)." There was complete silence in the group. It was quite late then, so I left. When I was in the car, I wondered why there was complete silence when I told the rest of the group my understanding of saving costs.
What was wrong? I started to think deeply and analyzed the situation once again--what if another person was talking like me and I was the one listening? What would my reaction be? I immediately realized that I was wrong in the way I had constructed my sentence. I made it seem as though I was the only one concerned about saving costs and that the others were all being wasteful.
The realization pained my heart. At that moment, a downpour started, and I felt like I was facing a deep sea, looking at the strong waves moving up and down. These were my understandings:
- Although I said it, I did not mean it the way it came out.
- Every practitioner, based on his or her own understanding of the Fa, has contributed according to his or her financial ability and time availabile, and clarifies the truth whenever possible.
- Practitioners know what they are supposed to do without any such comments. My behavior however, came across as though I was the capable one and that I have contributed a lot, which is a way of showing off, and frankly, I did not realize it.
I recalled the past. Whenever we had experience sharing during Fa study, exercises, truth clarification, or understandings of the universe's law, the "message" I was sending was:
- I have done very well on studying the Fa as well as practicing the exercises
- I can manage truth clarification very well and nobody can do better than me
I never meant it like that. I was only trying to build a cultivation environment where fellow practitioners could discuss their experiences during Fa study and cultivation. Why was their understanding of what I said not the same as my intent? It is because my way of thinking was still mixed with ordinary people's. Although I understand the Fa, my understanding is limited and I have also adopted some of the communist culture. It is reflected in my showing myself off. I regretted this very much after I realized it. Unintentionally, I have hurt my fellow practitioners.
Master said that showing off is a very bad attachment. I suddenly realized why it is very bad:
- Showing off can lead to more selfishness, causing more attachments. The purpose of cultivation is to continue to eliminate attachments instead of holding on to them in our minds. It can cause cultivation insanity to develop in one's own mind. At the same time I also noticed that I am very impatient with others and I have a lack of compassion. I always think that I can point out other people's mistakes very clearly, and I thought that this was the way to assist them. Instead I was pressuring them.
- Cultivation is done step by step, and we should not expect to reach consummation within a short period of time or in one step. We all carry different factors in our lives. What we are attached to, how bad our attachments are, and how fast we get rid of them are all different for each person. Therefore, we cannot use our own views and judgments to conclude the entire issue.
We need to bear in mind that because our paths and our attachments are different, our attachments will happen based on individual understandings on different levels while we cultivate and clarify the truth. It will be reflected in different ways on the surface. But when this showing off attachment emerges, it seems like we are pressuring others to follow our thinking, and it will distract other's concentration. This is my understanding of showing off at my limited level.
It continued to rain but I felt more calm and peaceful after I understood this issue, and I thought of Master's advice that when we fall, we must stand up as soon as possible, and not stay down. I am telling myself I must start all over again. It is good that I am realizing this now and I must not have regrets before the end of Fa-rectification. We still have a chance to correct ourselves as long as Master is looking after us. I promised I must be serious in cultivation practice.
Showing off will happen every now and then in our daily lives. Sometimes, unintentionally, it happens, and this can hurt others. Showing off ourselves can hide other people's contributions. This will affect our cultivation and our daily lives. For example, when we can guide and convince our friends in the proper way and assist them to solve their problems, we feel great. That is a way of showing off.
I was working in a restaurant and my duty was to take orders from customers. I used to recommend some good dishes to them. After a period of time, I started to feel confident and I thought I was very capable. That was a way of showing off without even realizing it. As such, I felt proud and I ignored others, and this created misunderstandings among my colleagues.
When I think of the past and the present, I fully understand why misunderstandings occur. Once we have this show off mentality, we lose our compassion. How much we have contributed in the past--and our wisdom--are all from the Fa.
Why do we show off? It is to prove to others that we are capable or we want appreciation from others in order to satisfy ourselves. It also reflects our desire for popularity. As a practitioner, how can I seek popularity? I was wrong. Finally, I cooled down and analyzed this attachment, and I managed to overcome it. From then on, I eliminated this bad thought and prevented it from happening again. This bad thought of showing off has been slowly eliminated.
We must concentrate on studying the Fa, as this is the best solution to eliminate attachments, identify bad substances, and maintain correct thinking. When I started to eliminate this attachment, it stopped, yet at the same time I found a lot of excuses to protect myself. This is the case for my understanding and my way of cultivation, yet different people have different ways of understanding. After understanding the Fa I will stop this evil thinking. Today, I talked about this issue, yet it does not mean that my attachment has been fully eliminated. I am still on my journey of cultivation, which has not yet ended. If I am not careful, or if I relax, this attachment will come back again and it may interrupt my cultivation.
I have overcome my problems by continuing to study the Fa no matter how busy or tired I may be. I have cleared my bad thoughts on my cultivation journey. No matter what difficulty I may encounter, I will continue to be with Master and improve my practice. I believe and follow the three things that Master asks us to do in order to overcome all problems.
Thank you!
