(Clearwisdom.net) Through reading the "Minghui Weekly" and practitioners' sharing articles, I have discovered many attachments such as using human notions to look at the things that I encounter (instead of using the Fa to judge), not looking within myself and always seeking excuses outside of myself.
On the day before the Chinese New Year I was waiting for a practitioner to deliver Dafa truth-clarification materials to my place so that I could distribute them. I waited for a long time and the practitioner still had not arrived. I was getting anxious and my human attachments surfaced. I said to another practitioner, "He is still not here. Who is going to deliver the materials one day before the New Year? Everybody is busy getting ready for the Chinese New Year. How can I disturb them on this day?" I didn't think that I was a Dafa practitioner and that I was actually doing Dafa work. The New Year celebration is for ordinary people. I should place Dafa in the first place.
Another practitioner finally delivered some Chinese New Year couplets to me. The practitioner said that there were sixty couplets in total. I didn't say anything, but when I was allocating couplets to practitioners in different regions; I noticed that there were too many couplets. Since I didn't stop to think about whether practitioners would be able to distribute them all, I delivered all of the couplets to the practitioners. Due to many families in the city having already gotten their new year's couplets, I started to complain to another practitioner that we had too many couplets, and that we wouldn't be able to distribute them all. On the next day, another practitioner told me that residents in rural areas had not gotten couplets yet and they needed the couplets. But I had already delivered all of the couplets to practitioners in the city. The practitioner was very clear minded and said to me, "It is very urgent to save people." He asked me if I could ask other practitioners to return the extra couplets. So together we visited a few practitioners and requested them to return some couplets. I felt that this practitioner was using the Fa to treat the work we do, whereas I was using my personal opinions to judge things. I wasn't considerate of others and I had a very strong attachment of selfishness. I saw that I hadn't let go of this attachment. At home, I would often look externally and get angry with my children. I often justified my anger by thinking, "I am elderly so the children must listen to me." My husband sometimes pointed out my attachment. Although I was not angry with him, I would always argue back in order to justify myself. I know that I was wrong, as I did not treat myself as a cultivator.
These problems occurred because I did not study the Fa well. I have always made arrangements for myself that I would study two lectures and do the exercises every day, and that I would send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth. I should have felt satisfied, but it is very clear that I did not do these things well. My legs would always ache and feel very painful. I have had a very hard time overcoming this obstacle. Why is that? Before, I often looked within hoping that I could find out which part of cultivation I haven't done well. But I still could not correct it even though I looked within myself. On New Year's Eve, my whole body ached very much, but I could still watch TV. The next day I had a feeling of powerlessness. In addition, my legs ached and my throat ached. This had never happened to me before. The following day, I read Minghui Weekly and practitioners' experience sharing articles. I decided to write down the shortcomings that I discovered in myself.
In the future, I will conduct myself according to Master's requirements. I will study the Fa with my heart. Before this, I studied the Fa with an impure heart. When I sent forth righteous thoughts and did the exercises, my thoughts were not clean either. I did not use my heart to clarify the truth. I felt that I had a very strong attachment to doing things, rather than trying to save the sentient beings from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes, I would point out others' shortcomings, and tell other practitioners that they were not diligent and that they should be more like me, as if I was doing very well. Isn't that an attachment to showing off? I should really look within myself, study the Fa more, cultivate my heart and truly do well the three things in order to deserve the title of Dafa Disciple.
