Part I: http://clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2006/2/18/70058.html
Part II: http://clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2006/2/18/69998.html
5. My Father Left the Brainwashing Class
Later my father witnessed that the torture of practitioners in the brainwashing center became more and more brutal. One practitioner was deprived of sleep. He (or she) was so sleepy that he (or she) fell to the floor. Consequently his (or her) mouth and teeth were injured. They even wrote sentences slandering Dafa on a practitioner's clothes. There have been many cases like this. My father found himself being deceived. Later, he managed to escape from the brainwashing center. Fearing that I would escape too, they tightened their monitoring on me.
After my father escaped from the brainwashing center, I was strictly monitored by the police. I felt terrible because I was deprived of my freedom. One night at around 11:00 p.m., I went to the hall outside the brainwashing center to make a phone call. There was a security guard on duty twenty-four hours a day. I told the person on the other end of the phone that I could not stay here anymore. I could not tolerate staying here for one more minute. I wanted to go home.
The security guard heard my words and immediately reported me to the police officer on duty, Kong Fanyun. They directly snapped the phone from me and hung it up before I finished. Then several policemen hurriedly carried me to my room and put me on the bed.
Kong Fanyun came over and stared at me. He asked, "Who did you call? What did you say?" I said that I wanted to go home; I did not want to stay here. I am free and I should not be detained here. Kong Fanyun asked, "Why do you want to go home?"
I felt how ridiculous this question was. I then cried and asked him, "Everyone in this world wants to go home. Do I need a reason?" Their attitude was completely different from before. Kong Fanyun furiously pointed at me with his finger and said, "You have a problem in your mind. The more anxious you are, the more we don't want to release you. We will keep you here."
For the first time I saw their true face: they were not thinking of your interests, caring for you or protecting you. All they cared about was the "transformation achievement," namely, my father and I were deceived by them and we once believed everything they said to us. At that time many people from all over the country were coming to see me and my father, two "former practitioners" who gave up cultivation of Falun Gong as a result of their so-called "education and caring." But now my father had escaped from the brainwashing center and they had to stop promoting their "transformation achievement." What they feared most was that I would wake up and leave there too. They could never let that happen, or all of their "achievement" would be destroyed. So they watched me closely.
At that time I suddenly realized that all they did was deceive people. Their so-called "care" was fake and was now exposed. When nothing happened, they would smile and talk with you and make the atmosphere "friendly." But as soon as things went against their will, their true face was immediately exposed.
This kind of life had been going on like that. At that time I was under tremendous pressure. On the one hand, I accepted a media interview and they twisted the facts in their report. I felt that I had done a terrible thing. On the other hand, I deceived my father into coming to the brainwashing center. Now although he had escaped, the police were searching for him. I truly worried about his safety. Meanwhile, they deprived me of my freedom. The police claimed that they did this for my safety because I went on a national television program called Focal Point Interview and all Falun Gong practitioners now knew I went against Dafa and must be looking for me.
They also feared that the persecution I suffered in the brainwashing center would be exposed. I became more and more isolated. No one would talk to me. I had always treated the people there like my family and told them everything. I did not know that they were deceiving me. They were thinking something different while they were smiling at me. I did not get to meet too many people since I was little, and I never thought there would have been such vicious people. All they wanted was to use me.
When I first returned to school, three police officers followed me everywhere. Two policemen circled around the school every day. Another policewoman monitored my daily activity and lived in the same room as me. I lived in an isolated place away from my classmates. I did not have a normal life and freedom. They feared that I would contact other Falun Gong practitioners because they knew that their lies would not last long and I would realize their true face.
During summer or winter vacations, the police would directly take me to the brainwashing center and did not allow me to go home. I repeatedly asked to go home, but they never allowed it. At most they would assign one policeman to drive me home and I would have to come back shortly.
During the Spring Festival, the police gave me one day to visit all my relatives. I went to see my grandma. My family hurriedly cooked for me, fearing that I would not have the chance to eat before they took me back. When I got home, I found many police and police vans waiting outside. I did not have time to even say something before they took me back. I did not say much to my family, nor did I ask my family to take me home. I did not want my family to argue with them to have me released back home. I felt I should take the responsibility for my own mistake. Therefore I stayed at the brainwashing center and had no one to talk to. It was very painful.
6. Choosing Life
In fact, I saw more and more clearly their true face. However, because I was unable to study the Fa and contact others, I could not tolerate it. I hated my captors more and more. My mental condition worsened and I often cried. Very frequently I cried out loud during lunchtime when I was alone. With the worsened self-abusive condition, I started taking random medicine. I had medicine from my grandfather to decrease blood pressure. I then took a large amount of pills. As a result, I fainted and fell. I had a bump on my head. Another time my ribs were broken after I fell. At that time I felt that life was pointless and I was trapped.
Later, stimulated by one little thing, I cut my left wrist three times. As I was bleeding, I suddenly thought of Teacher's words not to commit suicide. Hurting oneself is sinful and irrational. I stopped the bleeding. Sometimes I wanted to commit suicide because I did not have any freedom.
I often thought when I was alone, "I trusted them so much. But they were deceiving me. I might be the most stupid person they have seen. I was so stupid that I trusted them." I had much pressure and became emotionally unstable. I always thought about committing suicide.
After my family started practicing Falun Gong, our life was full of hope. My bad temper became better and better. However, after being brainwashed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) several times, I became increasingly depressed and did not have any hope. I only felt sad. Several times I could not control myself and wanted to commit suicide. However, every time, I thought of Teacher's words: committing suicide is sinful. I needed to be responsible for the mistake I made. In addition, if I died, the CCP would say, "Look, Wang Bo came back to practicing Falun Gong. Now she has committed suicide." I would not be able to defend myself if I died. Therefore I needed to live. As long as I was alive, there was hope.
At this crucial moment, it was Dafa and the words of Teacher Li Hongzhi that saved me, and I chose to live.
(To be continued)
December 09, 2005
