(Clearwisdom.net)
For a long period of time, I could not do any of the three things well (studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth), and thus I was feeling very annoyed and anxious. I discussed this with fellow practitioners and also looked within myself and found many large and serious attachments that I could not easily give up. The manifestation of my issues in the human world included the following.
When I was tired and sleepy during studying the Fa, I would say to myself, "Forget it. Let me rest for a while and wait until tomorrow to continue." When I was feeling a lot of pain while doing the sitting meditation practice (the fifth exercise of Falun Dafa practice), I would think, "Let me stop here today. When I have time I will do more practice to make up for this." I also slacked off during sending forth righteous thoughts, not sitting down with my palm in the upright position even if I could, or doing it for longer period of time even if I could. When I was clarifying the truth, I would lose my temper and patience as soon as I encountered those who did not want to listen, and even totally gave up on some of them. How could this be the conduct of a Dafa disciple?
Why do I still have such behavior after having cultivated for so many years? Why did I fail to get rid of attachments even after I uncovered them?
Through studying the Fa with a calm mind, I found the root of these behaviors. I did not take Teacher's mercy and compassion seriously. I took it for granted, thinking that if we did not do well, Teacher would forgive us, wait for us and will give us opportunities again and again; and that if we fall, Teacher will pull us up. That is if we drop down, Teacher will scoop us back up, that we have already done what we should do, so if we do them a little better, then Teacher will encourage and praise us. I did not treat Teacher's compassion as motivation for diligence, but instead, treated Teacher's compassion as a harbor away from the wind, an umbrella of protection, and the very excuse for not needing to change my human state.
But if we cannot do well with such a vast and mighty Buddha's grace, how can we still claim to be Teacher's disciples? We must not allow the evil to take advantage of our loophole of self-indulgence any longer. This opportunity is so rare. Let us all follow the requirement of the Fa right now and let us become more mature.
The above are my personal understandings. If there are any mistakes, I ask fellow practitioners to compassionately point them out.
