(Clearwisdom.net) Although I have been a Dafa practitioner for a long time, I still have an inadequate understanding of the Fa, and I am unable to cultivate diligently in Dafa. After Master published his article "Towards Consummation," I was not able to recognize my fundamental attachments. When I initially came to practice cultivation in Dafa, I held the belief that Dafa could cure my illnesses and that Dafa was consistent with my own code of conduct. I was able to recognize that these beliefs were my human notions and that they were my fundamental attachments that I had to eliminate. However, regarding how to understand the Fa from the Fa, I was not very clear. Even though I had persisted in studying and reciting the Fa, I could not enlighten to a higher understanding of Dafa, and I had only a superficial understanding of the Fa. This situation lasted for a very long time.
Master, with his boundless compassion, has waited for me to wake up. Master has repeatedly given me hints in my dreams. I recall the one dream that made the deepest impression: I heard the sentence, "To fundamentally solve these issues, we have to ..." and then the voice stopped there. I thought this over and over and could not understand what it meant. Later, when I read Lunyu I noticed this sentence,
"In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking." (Zhuan Falun)
Ordinary people have many notions, but what are they? I still could not clearly understand the issue, so in the end I stumbled badly on the issue of fundamental attachments.
Master said in "Your Mind Must Be Right" (Zhuan Falun):
"There is a principle in our universe: Nobody will intervene if you want something yourself. As long as it is what you want, nobody will intervene. My fashen will stop you and give you hints. If it finds out that you are always like that, it will no longer take care of you. How can one be forced to practice cultivation? You cannot be made or forced to practice cultivation. It is up to you to truly make progress. No one can do anything about it if you do not wish to upgrade yourself. You have been taught the principles and the Fa. Who can you blame if you still don't want to upgrade yourself? With regard to what you want, both Falun and my fashen will not intervene--this is for sure."
One evening I twisted my ankle on the stairs. On the third evening Master gave me a hint. In my dream I was walking on flat land, and in the middle of the land there was a road that was straight and rose above the flat land. I wanted to get onto this road. I walked to the edge of the road, and when I was about to step onto the road my foot, the one with the twisted ankle, stepped into a hole, and I then suddenly woke up. Until then, I did not realize that in my cultivation there existed loopholes which had been exploited by the evil. I searched within myself and could not find my own attachments. At that time a fellow practitioner brought me the Minghui Weekly, in which I saw a fellow practitioner's article. The practitioner's situation was very similar to mine. He "came to understand that it is a fundamental attachment for one to take advantage of Dafa to reach his selfish goals." At that time I suddenly understood that I had practiced in Dafa to take advantage of Dafa so as to lead a comfortable life with no illnesses or suffering and to have a good future. Amidst the frenzied persecution, I found the time to study the Fa to prevent myself from being persecuted. While doing the three things, although I actually still did the work, I had a strong fear, and I did not do the three things well or solidly. It was not fully out of an intention to save sentient beings with compassion and to validate the Fa that I did the three things. Instead, I did them out of my wish to reach consummation. This severely selfish attachment had separated me from Dafa for a long time and made me unable to see the inner meanings of Dafa, regardless of what means I used. I thus failed to solve my fundamental issue. I had taken Dafa as the means of materializing my personal goals. What a huge sin for me to have such disrespect for Master and Dafa! Master has not given up on a practitioner like me. I have truly experienced that Master's boundless compassion has melted this stubborn heart of mine, and I have truly seen my own dirty and warped notions. I cried out of regret. I felt sorry to Master and Dafa and I decided to completely correct myself.
I studied Master's article "Dafa Can Never be Plagiarized" (from Essentials for Further Advancement), and I repetitively read and recited the article. I told Master, "Master, I give this heart of mine to you. I will surely dig out the root causes of my selfishness and position myself correctly. Everything of mine is for me to do the three things well and walk well the final stage of my cultivation path." First, I worked hard to dig out the root cause in my mind. Every day before sending forth the righteous thoughts I spent several minutes eliminating my selfish notions and the fear that existed in my mind. In my actions, I actively tried to assimilate to the Fa and purify my every thought. When studying the Fa, I measured myself against the Fa so as to find the shortcomings that I had and thus eliminate them. I found that many of my attachments and notions were from my selfishness, which had manifested in every one of my thoughts and actions and in everything I did. Moreover, every time I encountered a problem I looked for the root cause. If I found anything of a selfish nature, I eliminated it and then acted according to the requirements of Dafa.
At times I clearly knew that a thought was selfish in nature, and I still tried to find excuses for it. Then I would remember what I promised Master. I could not only keep the promise on my lips, I had to put it into action. Only in this way could I remedy what I had lost during the past several years and meet the new cosmos' requirements to be altruistic and unselfish. For example, my local Dafa materials coordinator could not continue his work for various reasons. He asked me to take over the work. At that time my attachments of selfishness and fear surfaced again, and I found excuses not to accept it. However, then my mind was not calm at all.
During that period of time I repetitively read the Fa. Master said in the article "My Version of a 'Stick Wake-up'":
"Why is it that a being needs to be saved by Dafa and me personally? Or, to put it plainly, [think about] what kind of a being is worthy of salvation by the Great Law of the cosmos? For a being who is saved, could it just be about personal Consummation? So what kind of being deserves to be a Disciple of Dafa? Would you say those people who hide in their homes and 'study the Fa' do? Or those who only want to gain from Dafa but don't want to give for Dafa? Furthermore, what about those who, while Dafa disciples are being persecuted, don't want to speak up for Dafa and yet still 'read the book' at home and try to get things from Dafa--what kind of people are they? You be the judge."
I realized that my wanting only to get things from Dafa and not wanting to give for Dafa was due to my selfishness and my mentality of taking advantage of Dafa, which was sinful. How could I be worthy of being a Dafa disciple? Is it the case that I would be eliminated when the Fa starts to rectify the human world? Have I already cooperated with the evil for failing to speak out about justice for Dafa? Having wrongly positioned myself, how could I be a Dafa disciple?
The Fa-rectification has endowed Dafa disciples with the sacred mission of assisting Master in rectifying the Fa and saving sentient beings. As Dafa disciples, we need to assume our responsibilities and accomplish the sacred mission that Dafa has given us. We must eliminate the selfish attachments and put our promises into action. Therefore, I accepted the responsibility of being a Dafa materials coordinator. In the beginning, when I took and delivered the materials, I still felt scared. At that time, I thought, "Being scared is also an attachment of being selfish and being afraid of suffering from hardships and losing my personal interests. I have to eliminate this attachment. Dafa disciples are the lives recreated by Dafa and should of course safeguard the Fa. With Master and Dafa, what am I afraid of? It is the evil that feels scared as they are about to be disintegrated completely."
However, my human notions sometimes still surfaced. One evening I was handed the Dafa materials on a street. When I turned back, I saw a person looking at me and talking secretly to another. I immediately turned and walked in another direction, sending forth righteous thoughts while walking. I took detour paths and came to a quiet alley, where I gave the materials to another practitioner. After taking the materials, this practitioner said, "It is your attachment of fear that has caused this. But I want to tell you that if it had really been a problem, your attachment would have also exposed me? So wouldn't the loss have been even greater? You need to learn the Fa more to get rid of the attachment of fear and not leave any loopholes for the evil to take advantage." I felt much regret upon hearing this.
After going back home, I read Master's "Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. International Fa Conference,"
"...because any desire you have can become an attachment and can be used by the evil. As soon as that kind of thought emerges, the evil might conjure a false image for you, and this will then cause interference."
I came to realize that the attachment of fear is the worst human notion, and the evil exploits and strengthens it to reach their goals. How dangerous it is! After having the determination to eliminate it, I kept reciting the Fa and I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it gradually, and in this way my mind gradually became calm.
My education level is not high and my understanding of the Fa is limited, so if there are any improper understandings, I ask fellow practitioners to kindly point them out.
February 12, 2006
