(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher mentions repeatedly in His lectures that we need to search within ourselves when tensions arise. Whatever happens, we need to look inside to check ourselves to see what is wrong. When I shared with other practitioners, I often talked about my experience in searching within, and felt I was doing it very well and very "thoroughly." Therefore, I failed to dig deeper.

When I looked at the issue recently, I found that what I had called "thorough" was nothing but a superficial kind of criticism, not a real "search within." It was a manifestation of a human concept formed in human society. People educated in the Party culture all have this ability and all will be able to feel it, so it should not be difficult to detect. Then how can we find our notions and attachments concealed in very deep dimensions? Through cultivation, I gradually found that the first thought that comes out when encountering a problem was very important. If the first thought is not a divine, or righteous thought, then we find the "gate" for us to search within ourselves. Here I'd like to write down some minor matters I came across during my cultivation to help analyze the undetected attachments and notions that were concealed behind the first thought (human thought), so as to share it with other practitioners.

After the establishment of our Fa study group, I took my son to study the Fa every day. We would take turns reading a paragraph each. Owing to his young age, my son could not read aloud smoothly, so in my heart I was unwilling to let him continue because I thought it would waste our study time. As a result, I would purposely choose some short paragraphs for him to read. While he was reading, from time to time, I still thought that he was wasting our study time. Then I realized that my thought was not right. After all, he was a little practitioner. I should not complain about him not reading smoothly. That was a very bad mentality. I thought if I let go of that mentality, his reading ability might improve through Fa study. When I let it go and did not complain about the fact that he read slowly or sometimes even stuttered, I found that his reading ability improved and he did not stutter any more. Therefore I enlightened that the changes came when I really searched within and let go of my worries and complaints. From that time on, I would praise him for reading a paragraph without stuttering or without any incorrect pronunciations. Whenever that happened I would gently stroke his head and said happily, "Well done! Very good, you have made progress." However, I failed to realize that the mentality of complacency was growing.

A few days later, my wife (also a practitioner) suddenly told me, "You take your son to study the Fa but do not want to help him with his homework. You are so irresponsible!" My first thought was, "My son is a little practitioner. How can a practitioner not study the Fa? Isn't it most important to study the Fa? Besides, through reading the Fa, his reading ability improved and he learned many new words as well. Even his teacher praised him for his improvement." I thought I had justice on my side so I said to my wife, "Studying the Fa is a good thing, it is the most righteous thing to do. What can he learn from his Chinese language textbook? What's more, Teacher said,

Upon hearing these words, my wife flew into a rage, "So, you just take your son to study the Fa. He doesn't need to do homework any more?" I thought her words were very unreasonable so I said, "You are also a practitioner. How can you talk like that?" I thought that the evil had taken advantage of her loopholes and I needed to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them, but it didn't work. She was still very angry. I found it was hard for me to keep cool any more and wondered why my righteous thoughts failed to have any effect on her. On second thought, I found that my thinking was wrong. Teacher said that when encountering problems we must search within. OK, let me look inside myself. However, I found that I did not do anything wrong. It could not be wrong for me to take my son to study the Fa. Wasn't it the best thing for him? I was not wrong. It was she who was being taken advantage of by demons. The more I searched within, the more I believed that I was not wrong and that it was she who had the problem. However, the more I thought that way, the higher her voice went. It seemed that she just had to have a fight with me; otherwise it would not melt her anger. Only then did I suddenly awaken. Teacher said,

When she complained, what was my first thought at that time? It was a righteous thing to take my son to our study group. Then what was our Fa study covering up? It is a fact that my son's reading ability had improved. With his improved reading ability, when he returned to school his teacher praised him. He had made progress during winter vacation. Then to whose credit was that? Of course, it was mine. Ah! It was my complacency and a show-off mentality, a swelling pride without notice. It was covered up by surface appearance: it was not wrong to take my son to study the Fa. My wife started a fight with me to expose my attachment, which was hidden behind our Fa study. What I did was use the fact that it was correct to take our son to study the Fa as a "legal" cover for my complacency and show-off mentality. No wonder she flew into a rage. However, I felt at ease and justified when I pushed the problem out and thought it was other people who were wrong. Worse still, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil behind her. That explained why it was so ineffective. If it were not for my wife "making noise" I would not have discovered my swelling attachment. When I dug out the concealed attachment behind my first thought, my wife abruptly stopped talking, as if nothing had ever happened, and went to cook our meal very happily.

I enlightened from that incident that we are cultivators walking on a path towards godhood and still have human notions. When we come across problems, if the first thought is not righteous, it must be a self defense mechanism. We might then look outwards when encountering conflicts and use Dafa to find excuses to cover our attachment so as to protect ourselves. Teacher said,

Teacher taught us this Fa a long time ago, however, I failed to look within. This time I found the "gate" to search within through my first thought. I shared this experience with another practitioner.

That practitioner also talked about her experience in truth clarification. She said in the last few days she had been helping two former practitioners (a mother and daughter who gave up Dafa after July 20 when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began its bloody persecution of Falun Gong) to regain the Fa. However, it was to no avail. They dared not even carry out the "three withdrawals" (from the Communist Party, Youth League and the Young Pioneers). Under the control of the CCP's characteristics of "lies, evil, and violence," that family of three often quarreled, fought and verbally abused each other. Most importantly, because they gave up Dafa and could not maintain their xinxing, all their karma returned to them. They said to the practitioner, "Please teach us the exercises since we forgot most of them. If we start to practice the exercises our illnesses will be cured." The practitioner said to them, "If you are really responsible for yourself and for your future, you must withdraw from the evil Party right away and begin anew your cultivation. I can teach you the five sets of exercises. However, if you only want to practice the exercises to cure your illnesses, it will not work. It will be even less effective than your doing calisthenics." The practitioner said, "They borrowed the Great Consummation Way of Falun Dafa, wanting to learn the exercises." I became a bit worried. That won't work. If they do not study the Fa and cultivate their xinxing but only do the exercises, it just won't work. They might even say, "I have practiced Falun Gong, how come it won't cure my illnesses." Non-practitioners would say, "Look, you practice Falun Gong for that many years but you look worse than us." Won't they discredit Dafa?

As soon as my first thought came out I found that it was not right. I should not just look at the surface but also search within myself to dig out the hidden attachment. My first thought was that they might damage Dafa. However, it seemed that the mentality of fear was not hidden that deeply. I needed to dig further. I was afraid that they might throw mud at Dafa. Then do non-practitioners know Dafa? No, they don't. However, non-practitioners know I practice Falun Gong. They would watch me and see if my words and deeds reflected "Truth, Compassion, Forbearance" and if I were a good person. If the former practitioners discredited Dafa, then wouldn't it mean that I, the good person, would be discredited as well? Aha, I had found it. I was worried that they might discredit Dafa, but behind it there was a hidden attachment that a good person like me would also be discredited. Though I had let go of fame in this world, I was still attached to the fame of being a "good person" in Dafa. Even this attachment to fame is not right. Moreover, this attachment was hidden even deeper. If the practitioner had not come to borrow books for the two former practitioners or if I did not follow my first thought to dig deeper, I may not have found this attachment of being afraid of loosing this "fame." Teacher said,

I think that in our cultivation ahead, if the first thought that comes to our minds when encountering problems is not a righteous thought, it could be used as a key, indicating that we need to search deeper within ourselves.

We are cultivating in the Fa-rectification period, so in our Fa study, in sending forth righteous thoughts, in clarifying the truth, and in our anti-persecution campaign our first thought plays an important role. Many practitioners mentioned in their articles published on "Clearwisdom Weekly" that with righteous thoughts (being strengthened by Teacher) miracles happened again and again. They use their righteous thoughts to repeatedly disintegrate the evil persecution and interference. Some other practitioners suffered from persecution because when the persecution came, they used their human thoughts to deal with it. Teacher said,

Teacher also taught us,

Our righteous thoughts derive from Dafa, from our firm belief in Teacher and the Fa. Therefore, on the path of our future Fa-rectification, the first thoughts of Dafa practitioners must be divine and righteous, since only righteous thoughts can make it possible for us to help Teacher to fulfill our grand vow made before history. Only righteous thoughts are the golden keys that are able to enlighten our wisdom, and only righteous thoughts can help us to reach consummation and return home with Teacher.

Please kindly help me understand any shortcomings I may have.