(Clearwisdom.net) The exposure of the horrendous crimes committed at Sujiatun Concentration Camp was difficult to face. I felt a huge weight upon me and burst into tears while searching the Internet for information. I realized that this evidence of such cruel criminal behavior is an indication of the depths to which human morality has declined.
I immediately realized my responsibility to make this atrocity known and printed out truth clarifying material as fast as I could. My home-based material production site can access the Internet, produce CDs, and print. At night I posted the truth clarification materials everywhere in my neighborhood. The next day I gave a practitioner's family the same truth clarification materials and asked them to hurry up and rescue their family members. I also handed out materials to practitioners for distribution in supermarkets and parks. Some practitioners collected addresses of military and other large hospitals in our area, so we could send them letters telling about this terrible discovery. We also distributed truth clarification materials about it in the countryside.
We all carry chalk with us wherever we go. Whenever possible, we distribute truth-clarifying materials, write truth-clarifying materials wherever feasible, and tell the truth. We have always carried truth-clarifying materials with us no matter where we have gone during these seven years of persecution. Besides distributing the material, we have talked about and written down the truth. But this time it is different. I feel time is pressing and we have to save more sentient beings.
At the same time, I blame and am discouraged with myself for not having saved more sentient beings. So many practitioners are experiencing this inhumane persecution, and I am also responsible for this. I'm upset that I allow myself to be controlled by the old forces at times. For example, I sometimes still feel sorry for myself because my husband cheated on me, although I never stop doing the three things. Furthermore, my husband has changed. Once poisoned by the communist regime and guilty of destroying Dafa materials, he has now resigned from the CCP and helps me occasionally to do Dafa work. He also helps me distribute truth clarification materials. I was able to walk through each one of the tribulations I faced only with Teacher's compassion and protection. In fact, if the heart doesn't improve and we can't let go of qing, no matter what we do, we will still do everything as human beings. Digging deeply for my attachments, I recognized that I still hold the attachment to qing and everyday people's desire for a "happy family." Every time I remember my husband's affair, it happens within the arrangement and control of the old forces. I am a Dafa practitioner, I have to be constantly alert, abandon deviated human principles, and view everything from within the Fa. I must eliminate this qing, because that is not my true self!
I have come this far, and I cannot be stopped by qing. Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York,"
"Who can say he's not affected by qing? If someone can break out of qing, then that person is divine."
I want to return to my original self, and I will follow Teacher.
Fellow practitioners, let's leave behind human self-pity and any other qing. In fact, the only beings who will be eliminated are the wicked people who persecuted Dafa, as well as the dark minions and rotten demons controlled by the evil old forces. In fact, it is Teacher who is suffering immensely. Let's cooperate and do the three things well. Only when we achieve that can we truly disintegrate the old forces' system and their arrangements. Only when we do the three things well can we walk our paths arranged by Teacher. Only when we do the three things well can Teacher suffer less. Only when we do the three things well can we truly fulfill our vows made before history--to save sentient beings!
I have just remembered that I wrote an article for the first practitioner experience-sharing book. All I did was tell what I had done well, and naturally, it was not published.
During the preparation of the second experience-sharing book, I was in the middle of a family crisis. I wrote down my state during tribulation. It was exactly like what Teacher said:
"I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society. All of those things can drag you back to being like an ordinary person. But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference")
At that time, I was indeed moving back to the state of an everyday person. I was faced with severe karma. Tribulations emerged that almost cost me my life.
While writing the articles, I also held an attachment to fame. I wanted my paper to be published so that practitioners experiencing similar problems could be forewarned. As a result of my low xinxing, I did not write very well, and it was not published. This time I have picked up my pen again, but my emotion is completely different than in the past. I submitted this article because I don't want to lose this precious chance of sharing with practitioners worldwide. This is part of my cultivation. With Teacher's benevolent protection, I came through despite tripping and falling. When I kneel down in front of Teacher's picture and tears roll down my cheeks, I know the reason behind the tears. It is completely different from the past. In this world, no words can express my gratitude toward Teacher.
I'm not good at writing articles. Please, kindly point out anything inappropriate I might have written.