(Clearwisdom.net) I realized that when Teacher Li often lectures after the Dafa disciples have cultivated for a while, that Teacher is correcting the problems in our cultivation, helping and fostering our righteous thoughts and helping us focus on clear goals. This is similar to the process of studying and taking an exam. Only by putting in proper efforts can we get good scores. The experience sharing conference is to let us compare and verify the thoughts in our cultivation one after another. Having righteous thoughts is the result of Dafa disciples always thinking from the perspective of the Fa.
Several days ago I was criticized by other practitioners about a work related situation. For almost a year, I was disturbed by the human resource issues at work. Each time I thought I had improved my xinxing and passed the test, I would find a practitioner and describe the process of how I had handled the matter. I would always end by emphasizing that from an everyday person's point of view, I was not wrong because it is such a pain to work under the evil Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) political system. She would agree with me, however things were still evolving. Hurting inside, one morning I was contemplating and looking at my inability to pass this test. I suddenly understood what I always said, "From an everyday person's angle, I was not wrong." This is the largest loophole. I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, so how can I use an everyday person's notion to seek victory? I felt pained because I felt wronged. But how could I evaluate whether my wronged feelings within are based solely on surviving under the bloody flag of the CCP for dozens of years? Isn't that something we practitioners should have given up a long time ago? Would it still be cultivation to use something from the evil CCP's system to evaluate something else that they did? What am I seeking on this earth? The problem is not whether it's within the CCP system or outside of it. I was deeply trapped because I didn't seriously clear the rest of the poison of the evil CCP and I didn't have righteous thoughts.
When things are escalating rapidly, aren't they hints for me to give up fame, personal interest and qing completely, to change my notions of an everyday person and get rid of the competitive habits in my mind? After I enlightened to this matter, I happily went to the practitioner and told her it was really my problem. There are so many big things to do, but I was still struggling in the mud of human society. Upon hearing this, she nodded with praise and agreement which gave me a good feeling. She also said that the other practitioners have discussed my status, and thought I was not cultivating well, and that I didn't make much improvement. She also said that the practitioners in her work unit cultivate better than those in my work unit. After I heard this, I felt very angry. When I arrived at home, I was still mulling it over in my mind. All of us are cultivating in the maze, and everyone's path is different. How can they say others are lower? Also, we Dafa disciples are one body, how can they use work units to separate "yours" and "ours"?
After two days, I remembered Teacher's guidance about Dafa disciples cherishing the predestined relationships among us. I convinced myself not to fail to forgive others when I am right. I should protect this friendship of sharing what we feel. However, am I really right? Teacher said,
"Cultivation is about looking inside yourself. Whether you are right or wrong, you should examine yourself. Cultivation is about getting rid of human attachments. If you always reject reproaches and criticism, always point your fingers at others, and always refute others' disapproval and criticism, is that cultivating? How is that cultivating?" ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
This is the truth. I am unable to accept other's opinions. I want to choose what to accept or not and it has always been my problem. I've laughed at myself, however, it is so hard to change. Teacher has seriously pointed this out for all practitioners and there's no looking back. Teacher has said even bad people are entitled to criticize others. What should I do? I can only move forward!
When I read in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles," Teacher said,
"Whether you are sensitive or not, when Teacher tells you to do something you should do it, and it will for sure have its effect. It's definitely not just a formality! Teacher would absolutely not ask you to do something useless."
I even felt a little excited as if Teacher praised me. In thinking about it, when I heard my local practitioners talk about sending forth righteous thoughts hourly, and I didn't really get the point. I told myself, "I'm coming." Though I didn't know what to do, other practitioners' wishes are mine and this is true. Later, I understood the reason behind sending forth righteous thoughts, and that sentence "I'm coming" is naïve, but stays on track. I treated sending forth righteous thoughts as accumulating scores. Later, I understood that it helps one to accumulate mighty virtue. I told myself, though I'm small, I'll melt into the magnificent field of other practitioners. People know the concept of giving money or assisting by lending a hand if they can. Though I didn't know whether my sending forth righteous thoughts was effective, I decided I would join the group, and I'd join the effort. When I read Teacher's explanation of sending forth righteous thoughts, my heart was really full of joy.
Also, let me talk about the joy of verifying the effect of sending forth righteous thoughts. When I clarified the truth to my relatives and gave them the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, I always encountered their misperceptions about Falun Gong being "organized." I asked them, "Who can organize me?" At first, their faces would look puzzled, and then they would smile with understanding. I had always questioned everything and I wouldn't bother to do something if I did not understand it. This seemed to be part of my basic nature. Even as a child, my grandmother would laugh at my stubbornness because I didn't follow the adults blindly. My independent thinking often prevented me from following authority figures. I felt extremely exhausted surviving under the Communist Party's society. Though I've practiced Falun Dafa for several years, I may not have seriously entered the state of being a real practitioner before July 20, 1999. Furthermore, because of this thought, though I didn't receive Teacher's new lectures for a long time after July 20, 1999, I wasn't deceived by the CCP's evil lies. As a human being, this characteristic is not bad, nor is it very good. However, as a practitioner, this is to treat foolishness as wisdom, and to treat the future as a trifling matter. Limping in the maze, I don't have any shortcut. I can avoid the crooked road by reciting Zhuan Falun word by word, sentence by sentence. I seek wisdom and strength from Falun Dafa. Questioning with everyday people's experience and knowledge is foolishness, and does not make sense. This enlightenment took me ten years. Listening to Teacher's guidance brings me harmony, both physically and mentally. With only half of the effort, I can get the same result, and this is my experience in the current phase.
Attending experience-sharing conferences has enabled me to develop confidence and mature. I am trying hard to follow the practice, to have the courage of "It's hard to do, but you can do it." ("The Ninth Talk" from Zhuan Falun) Everyday people enjoy beautiful music, but we want to melt into Falun Dafa by listening to Teacher's lecture. Perhaps I didn't use the right words as the title of this article. Though I have practiced for a long time, I am not worried because we have Teacher and Dafa, as well as the joy of continuously getting proof from cultivation and the appreciation of being given hints. While I was writing right up to this point, I felt a little embarrassed to send this article. Everyone is validating Dafa, but I'm still in the phase of personal cultivation. The other practitioners' criticism was right. I should hurry to catch up.
April 1, 2006
