(Clearwisdom.net)
In June 1999, I started to practice Falun Dafa. It is an opportunity that comes once in millions of years. I was 16 years old and I was in grade nine at a junior middle school. The persecution of Falun Dafa started soon after, and I didn't have the chance to study the Fa any more. Gradually, I went back to my old ways of living until I totally dropped out of cultivation. Even more, I took the path arranged by the old forces and became lost in degenerate sentimentality.
Seven years have now passed. In December 2005, a practitioner who was also one of my classmates in middle school brought me Teacher's 2005 lecture in San Francisco. I browsed through a few pages and returned it with the excuse that I was too busy. In January 2006, the practitioner again brought the lecture to me. That time, I read it through immediately. Suddenly, I came to understand many Fa principles that I didn't understand before. I came to know what consummation really means. I realized what Falun Dafa really is. I came to know what our responsibilities are. Teacher said in "Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference,"
"While you've been spreading the Fa, a lot of people have obtained the Fa, but they can't understand the Fa deeply since once they understood the Fa they'd become Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. There's a line drawn there, so those old forces don't dare let them obtain the Fa. I didn't push this any further, since I needed to focus on the matter of the overall Fa-rectification and on resolving things in the Fa-rectification, plus, they'll still have chances in the future."
I think that this was the chance that Teacher gave to me.
I denied the old forces' arrangements and the persecution towards me. I spent two weeks correcting the Chinese characters as Teacher requested. With the help of fellow practitioners, I set up a family-based truth-clarification materials center. I also took a great risk by going to a craft store to have over 40 stamps imprinted with truth-clarification words so that we could stamp the truth-clarification words on monetary bills. I rejoined the Fa.
As I began to feel fortunate for myself that I had come back to Dafa, those bad things that I previously did often reflected onto my mind, which made me feel I had stained the Fa and that I didn't deserve to be a Falun Dafa practitioner. As I read the Fa more, I came to know that it was the old forces trying to use various means to drag me down. One of their ways was to make me feel that I didn't deserve to be a Dafa practitioner. At that period of time, I often worried about whether or not I had enough time left since I hadn't studied the Fa in seven years. In a nutshell, I had too many worries. Now I realize that they were all my attachments and things that I should remove during my cultivation.
Therefore, no matter how I did in the past, I should put it behind me, regardless of whether they were good or bad deeds. I shouldn't develop an attachment to the past.
Although I enlightened to this, I wasn't sure whether my understanding was right or wrong. Benevolent Teacher encouraged me through my fellow practitioner's dream. In her dream, she saw Teacher's law body, with blue hair and wearing golden yellow kasaya, come to us and say, "It's time for Fa-rectification of the human world. Let's go." We were both a little surprised and said, "Huh?" Then she saw a one-meter diameter red lotus flower appear in front of me. I flew up to it and at the same time, my clothes changed into golden yellow kasaya. After that, she saw a cluster of golden yellow clouds in the sky. There were many red lotus flowers on it. Teacher prepared those lotus flowers for Dafa disciples a long time ago. Falun Dafa practitioners flew into the sky. People on the ground all cried out loudly, "Please wait for me! Please wait for me!" Many people were overcome with regret. Later, practitioners all went back to their lotus flowers. Some of them sat on theirs. The others stood on theirs. Their bodies changed and became huge and splendid.
People all have Buddha nature and demon nature. As cultivators, we need to get rid of all of our demon nature so we can become righteous beings with righteous enlightenment and can safeguard the principles in the cosmos. I confronted my feelings of unworthiness. What are you going to do if you feel that you don't deserve to be a Dafa practitioner? Give up? Then the evil will be glad and Teacher will be disappointed. Remember, as long as we are determined to continue with our cultivation, Teacher has boundless power to help us! Of course, we can't use it as an excuse to repeat our mistakes. Otherwise, we may lose a precious opportunity forever.