(Clearwisdom.net) For some time I’ve been reading articles in "Minghui Weekly" about how to get rid of fundamental attachments. Every time I’d finish reading an article I would study Teacher’s article, "Towards Consummation," and try to understand what my thinking was when I started Dafa cultivation. Did I regard Falun Gong as mere qigong practice for curing illness and keeping fit? Did I start for for purpose of exploring the meaning of human life? Did I decide to practice because I wanted to escape worldly cares and live an idyllic life, or because I was dissatisfied with politics? I would consider each question to see whether I still had any of these thoughts. After determinedly studying the Fa, I felt I didn’t have any of these fundamental attachments.
One day there was a problem with the printer and I didn’t know what to do. After a discussion with a fellow practitioner I discovered my deeply buried fundamental attachment - the mentality of depending on others.
When I was little I realized people would often compete and fight because of their strong desire for fame and gain, and their strong competitive mentalities (After reading the "Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party" I understood that the culture of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) exacerbated this competitive mentality). I thought that the best way to eliminate my competitiveness was to give up my attachment to profit and fame, and to always be kind to others. In order to explore the meaning of life, I wanted to go to university. I hoped that by attending university I would be able to learn the true meaning of life, and our purpose for being here.
Perhaps its true that the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. After school started I found it wasn’t what I’d anticipated. People there pursue the material instead of the spiritual. I was disappointed with this endless pursuit. I felt that every misfortune that ever happened was due to materialism. If people want to return to true human nature, they’d have to reject the material. I became disgusted with modern things. After I began my cultivation in Dafa I developed extreme views of some Fa principles, and was very pleased with myself, believing that my understandings were correct. In my daily life I avoided contemporary things and was unwilling to understand their uses and how to maintain them. Even when something went wrong with my bicycle, I would let others repair it. As time went on I inadvertently developed the habit of depending on others.
After the persecution of Falun Dafa began, my cousin, who is also a Dafa practitioner, advised me to learn how to use a computer. He told me it would be good for validating Dafa. I rejected the idea with the excuse that I couldn’t learn how to do it. Actually, I was afraid of being arrested, and I was also afraid that I really couldn’t learn it. I thought that a computer was high tech stuff, not for anyone. Every day I waited to get the truth-clarification materials from others.
In 2003 my work unit organized a computer class. I forced myself to attend, but I wasn’t willing to study. I simply followed the initial computer operating procedures and didn’t study the class materials. After attending the class, I followed the instructions from Minghui Weekly and visited the Minghui (Chinese language version of Clearwisdom.net) website for the first time. I was very excited, but I lacked insight and didn’t understand what to do. I didn’t think to calm my mind and study the Fa or to learn from my fellow practitioners; instead I blindly relied on my own thinking and made a lot of wrong turns.
In 2005 several practitioners and I formed a truth-clarification materials site. I didn’t take care of the maintenance on the printer or pay any attention to it. I depended on others to take care of the maintenance. This year I established a family materials site. I thought I only needed strong righteous thoughts and the printer wouldn’t have any problems. I was relying solely on righteous thoughts, but my righteous thoughts were not necessarily on the Fa. If one has only a wish, the results might not necessarily be good.
I was very anxious the first time there was a problem with the printer. After several days I consulted the Minghui website for an answer. In desperation I found a technical article that provided a solution to my problem: A few drops of sewing machine oil can fix a paper feed problem. I tried it and it worked. I realized the problem I faced with the printer reflected a problem in myself, but still I didn’t look within. I just tried to solve the problem for the sake of solving the problem. My wife, who is also a Dafa practitioner, advised me to look within and see whether I had the mentality of depending on others, but I ignored her advice.
After a few days the machine stopped working altogether. I tried everything, but it still wouldn’t work. While I was sharing experiences with other practitioners I complained that my wife was too dependent on others and hadn’t tried to repair the printer. Another practitioner told me, "You should look within. If you really can’t fix it, buy a new machine." So I bought a new printer, but I still had to face certain problems. Owing to my previous experiences, I downloaded several technical articles from the Minghui website ahead of time and knew what to do.
I felt that I had a strong attachment to my dependence on others. This prevented me from stepping forward, and I accepted the situation. Out of fear I didn’t dare think about it or walk my own path to validate Dafa. I was passive and helpless. In terms of my understanding, I couldn’t break through the old forces’ arrangements.
Once I recognized my attitude and looked back on the road I took, I realized I might have destroyed myself if not for Teacher’s benevolent salvation. Because of my mindset I allowed my performance of the three things to be sullied. I didn’t conduct myself with dignity or behave calmly and solidly. Every time I thought about it I felt ashamed.
When I attended the Zhengzhou Fa lectures in 1994, what I thought most important was the cultivation of one’s mind, and I was determined to do that. While reading "Zhuan Falun" when it first published in 1995, this sentence made a strong impression on me:
"To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." ("Lecture One," Zhuan Falun)
Teacher uses various means to help us see our attachments, but even though I tried to get rid of my attachments, I still embraced them, because I treated myself like an ordinary person. My dependence on others was like that. Even when I stumbled, I still didn’t want to face it directly. Only when I stumbled badly did I realize it deeply in my heart.
I wrote this article to share this with my fellow practitioners: Whenever we encounter any problem or difficulty, it must have something to do with our way of thinking. We need to look within and face it. Use righteous thoughts to deal with it. When we dig more deeply, we’ll be able to get rid of the incorrect attitude quicker and we’ll be able to walk our paths more righteously.