(Clearwisdom.net) There are so many things that need to be done, I oftentimes feel I am too hasty, like a spinning gyroscope in fast motion. Although I am able to pack in the time to study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts, and clarify the truth well, there are so many things I can't cover. I wish I had more spare time. Sometimes I felt tremendousa treatree pressure, although I understood that if I had cultivated well I could have balanced everything well. But I just couldn't get out of this state. Facing so many things to do, I often felt exhausted.
Something happened recently, and since then I have gained a new understanding about my cultivation state. Several days ago, a fellow practitioner went out to clarify the truth and was arrested. The practitioner was able to get away with righteous thoughts the following morning. After hearing the news of his escape, I recalled what I had done during the hours of attempting to rescue him, and realized deeply my mentality of "doing things."
I found out about the arrest at about 5:00 a.m. All practitioners in the area were informed to send forth righteous thoughts. A practitioner and I sent forth righteous thoughts together at about 6:00 a.m. This practitioner concentrated all his energy for 30 minutes while sending forth righteous thoughts; but I only did 15 minutes, and not even with a quiet mind. I kept thinking about what to do next. As soon as the practitioner put his legs down, I couldn't wait to discuss how to rescue the arrested practitioner. We didn't actually make use of our plan, since he was able to flee at 6:00 a.m.
After hearing the news, I realized that I hadn't contributed anything to the rescue efforts.
During the following two days, I kept hearing about the "attachment of doing things." Even though it was referring to the practitioner who was arrested, I felt the attachment of doing things also had something to do with me. Especially when a fellow practitioner said, "Do not consider doing Dafa work as cultivation," I saw my attachment of doing things instantly.
I asked myself, "What is cultivation? What is the state of 'cultivating yourself solidly,' as Teacher said in 'Toward Consummation?'" ?
Have I done the five sets of exercises seriously and with a quiet mind? Have I studied the Fa with a quiet mind every day? Or have I studied the Fa with a runaway mind?
Have I sent forth righteous thoughts with a pure mind? In "Righteous Thoughts," Teacher says:
"You should focus your attention and your effort, your mind has to be absolutely clear and rational, the force of your thoughts needs to be focused and strong, with an air of supremacy and of destroying all evil in the cosmos."
Have I reached that state?
Have I watched every single thought of mine each day? Have I looked within and cultivated myself in everything I do?
I concluded that I didn't even reach 500f the standard. I know why I was in the state I was: How can a human being accomplish what was meant for a god to do? Teacher puts everything in the Fa to help us. How could I receive anything if I didn't melt into the Fa? Of course, everything in this human level is in constraint when we use the heart of doing everyday work without raising our level.
A fellow practitioner once said: "When you cultivate solidly, everything you do will be successful, and you don't need to artificially create anything. Even the practitioner you are looking for will run into you without your making any effort."
I think I need to change my current state totally. I need to jump out of the state of doing things to truly cultivating myself. Each day I shall do the exercises, study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts, and cultivate myself solidly. I shall validate the Fa according to the situation and melt into the Fa. This is the path Teacher has arranged for us.
