(Clearwisdom.net) I learned Dafa in August of 1998. At the time I had just lost my job and was doing odd jobs here and there to make a living.
After the persecution began on July 20, 1999, because my Fa study had not been solid and I had not learned the true content of Dafa, I gave my cultivation up several times and thus I took a big detour. I was immersed in sentimentality (qing), and had lots of attachments, including attachments to fame, gain, sentimentality, lust, and competition. Everything I did was morally degenerated and I did not know what I was doing. I felt that Teacher did not want me as a practitioner anymore.
At the end of 2002, I began to study the Fa and used it to measure my own conduct. However, I still lacked confidence in Fa-study. Later, fellow practitioners told me that Teacher would not drop any practitioner who truly cultivated himself and Teacher wanted every practitioner to be diligent and to rectify his own behavior. So I began to study the Fa again, but my Fa study was still not thorough and I was unable to evaluate things based on the Fa. I kept making mistakes. The environment in which I lived was very bad. The surroundings were rough and it was always noisy.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"For a practitioner who is truly determined to practice cultivation, I would say that it turns out to be a good thing. Without conflicts arising or opportunities to improve your xinxing, you cannot make progress."
But I did not enlighten to this based on the Fa and did not look inward at my attachments. Rather, I always emphasized external factors. My mind was always affected by my surroundings and I often lost my concentration when studying Dafa. From last Spring until December, I was constantly interfered with by lust. I would be affected whenever I saw a good looking guy, and I completely forgot that I was a cultivator. My main consciousness was not strong and I was interfered with badly. I felt ashamed to face Dafa and I was wondering why, at this last phase of cultivation, I still had such tribulations. This was to destroy me and not to let me cultivate. Looking inward, I know that I still have attachments to lust and that I still need to root them out and destroy them.
Later, when this type of bad substance appeared, I would think of Teacher and Dafa.
"Some people do not have a very strong Main Consciousness and will comply with the thought karma to commit wrongdoing. Such people will be ruined and drop in levels. Most people, however, can remove and resist it with very strong thoughts from themselves (a strong Main Consciousness). With this, it indicates that this person can be saved and can distinguish good from bad. In other words, the person has good enlightenment quality. My fashen will help eliminate the most of such thought karma. This situation is seen frequently. Once it transpires, one will be tested to see if one can overcome such bad thoughts on one’s own. If one is determined, the karma can be eliminated." (Zhuan Falun)
From this I realized that I must not acknowledge the persecution by the old forces with these bad substances, since Teacher does not acknowledge any factors of the persecution. I should never acknowledge the existence of these illusions that the old forces have created. I sent forth righteous thoughts and asked Teacher to help me get rid of these bad substances from my deepest, most microscopic being.
Now, I find myself much purer and my thoughts are much cleaner. The biggest lesson that I learned is that only when we believe in Teacher and Dafa, and as long as we have sufficient righteous thoughts, will the evil be totally annihilated.