(Clearwisdom.net) At a local group Fa study gathering today, a fellow Falun Gong practitioner confessed that he wanted to give up cultivation practice altogether for he found it too difficult. While I was shocked by his confession, I began to reflect upon myself. I learned from this incident about the importance to keeping each and every one of my thoughts under control .
At the end of 2006, this practitioner and I encountered a test caused mainly by interference from other dimensions. I thought it most important that we exchange thoughts and understandings with him, because this very test would ultimately determine whether he would be able to perform in Paris as a member of the Divine Land Marching Band. At the time he had decided not to accept that opportunity. Regrettably, when I chose to share my understanding at a group exercise practice site, I was neither kind nor compassionate. Instead, I scolded him, as though I knew more than he did. When I saw an indifferent facial expression, I was overcome with anxiety and rage. I thought, "This is a test for you, but you don't even care. Why do I even bother to worry for you if you don't care?" A person loses his rational thoughts when dominated by emotions. I was prepared to search within in front of everyone and wanted to share my understanding on the Fa. But, I completely forgot about them. Still I continued to complain about his faults after I returned home. I felt he was ungrateful for my help.
After returning from Paris, we had a group discussion on that particular test in a group sharing gathering. I didn't say much, but in my heart I tried to protect myself from criticism by pushing blame onto others. I did not search within at all. All I ever did was trying to establish that I had been in the right. As a result, the group made him seem in the wrong and forgot to treat him with compassion. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. He stood up and left. Yet, I still blamed him in my heart. "You see? You always try to escape when fellow practitioners hit you where it hurts." After he left, another fellow practitioner pointed out my inadequacies. For the following few days, I became more clearheaded and identified the reason why I have not had a good understanding about cultivation practice for a long time. However, I continued to have negative feelings about him whenever I thought of him. Finally, I decided that I should forget about him and mind my own business. I thought, "Whatever may happen to you, Teacher will look after you. I will no longer meddle with your business." In hindsight, I feel very ashamed of my selfishness. I cared too much about how I was treated. This experience somewhat helped me elevate my cultivation practice. But what about him? Shouldn't I talk with him? Shouldn't we be diligent together in our cultivation practice?
Today he declared that he didn't want to cultivate any longer. I believe I was partially responsible for it. I was hostile toward him and treated him as though this was a human fight. I was pushing him away. I created an excuse for the evil to persecute him by dragging him over to the wrong side.
But no Falun Gong practitioner will accept or acknowledge this so-called test. I believe that the evil will be annihilated when we all search within.
Actually, I had planned to discuss how to catch up with the Fa-rectification after the group Fa study. But when he said he did not want to cultivate any longer, the group only discussed this subject. Everyone took turns lecturing him about what he should do, completely forgetting that this was not just his own personal test. No one searched within. From now on, we must be more clearheaded and remember that our main goal is to save sentient beings, not "getting work done."
This concludes my personal understanding on this matter. Please kindly point out anything erroneous.
