(Clearwisdom.net) I have been practicing cultivation for nine years and consider myself an experienced practitioner. Some practitioners see me as a good cultivator, however when I encounter tests, I find that my cultivation state is at a superficial level and not solid enough. Even though I say the words, "search inward" repeatedly, I seldom search inward when a conflict occurs. I realized for a long time that this situation was not right, but I found it very difficult to change.
Our group studies the Fa in the evening and each practitioner reads a paragraph. On one occasion, while I was reading the Fa, I had a thought that I would get to a certain point after a while, and then I could stop reading. I was reading and thinking of this idea at the same time. After finishing one lecture, I felt relieved and closed my book. At this moment, my mind started to clear up. I was not clear about what I had just learned since I was only intending to finish reading it quickly. Did Teacher teach us to read the Fa in this way? My thought was not right. How could I keep reading the Fa with an intent to finish it quickly? Was I really studying and learning the Fa? While all the other fellow practitioners were trying to assimilate to the Fa, I was in a rush to finish reading it so I could do other things. Learning the Fa is sacred and is a sure guarantee for the steady progress of Falun Dafa practitioners. How could I handle such a sacred process in such a manner! I was surprised to find that I still had this kind of thought after cultivating for so many years. I recognized that this thought was separate from myself. I had to reject this thought since assimilating to the Fa was important for me.
While lying on the bed that night, I thought that my Fa study during the past few years was often done as a formality. I read many articles and was moved by them, but after being steadfast for a period of time, I would become slack again. My job required me to sell advertisements and upon completing a sale, I would receive a commission from the company. During the past few years, I tried my best to make more money and achieve the sales target. At work, I was always wondering if I had completed the target for the month, how much commission I was making, when I would receive it, and how to best compete with my colleagues. Therefore, I was always exhausted after work. Sometimes, I had to attend some social appointments after work and arrived home late. There was no certainty of regular Fa study.
Beginning in late 2005, I started to memorize the Fa. If I didn't have enough time, I would finish my daily Fa study by just memorizing a sentence. On the second morning, I would again start the work with a tightly stretched mindset. I always had the thought, "Studying the Fa is necessary. However, I should complete my work and do well at my work." Therefore, I just did whatever I liked to do. While looking aback, I felt my thoughts were not righteous. I wasn't even like a practitioner and used high-sounding excuses to cover up my attachments. My Fa study had not fundamentally changed my character. It's easy to understand now why my sister thought that I had not changed much after cultivation. I was cultivating when I was studying the Fa or practicing the exercises. After finishing Fa study or the exercises, I had completed my mission. During the rest of the time, I would do whatever I liked to do and behaved like an ordinary person. I was not practicing cultivation all the time.
Teacher said,
"Following [the Fa] in everything, compliance is cultivation"("Solid Cultivation" from Hong Yin)
and
"When a person practices qigong he has to take virtue seriously, do good things for others, and be kind--he should discipline himself this way in every action and in every circumstance." (Zhuan Falun)verified
Have I been following Teacher's words? In this urgent time period for clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings, I realized that I was very negligent in learning the Fa and I was not being righteous. I must completely eliminate the thought of "do whatever I would like to do." I must not stay the same as before. I deeply understand now that I should practice cultivation even when I am not studying the Fa or practicing the exercises.
After watching the Teacher's DVD, "Fa Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners," I have many thoughts. Fellow practitioners, let's cultivate our hearts, eliminate desires and advance diligently. By continually improving ourselves, we can stop the persecution and save more sentient beings! Thus, we can really return Teacher's merciful salvation. and fulfill the vows we made before we came here!
October 28, 2007
