(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Dafa in 1995. By studying the Fa I realized that compassionate Master rescued me from the maze. I thought to myself that I must work hard in the future to do things in accordance to Master's requirements and follow Master's guidance. That was what I thought then, and what I did.
When I first went to the practice site, the local coordinator had placed the exercise music player in my care. I was told to bring it every day to the site where hundreds of practitioners did the exercises together. In those years, no matter if it was extremely hot or cold, windy, raining, or snowing, I always arrived at the practice site ahead of time. I thought I must not delay others, and that was my responsibility. Neither waiting household chores nor appealing TV shows deterred me from practicing or studying the Fa. I always treated myself as a practitioner.
The cultivation atmosphere changed dramatically after July 20, 1999. Fabrications and vicious slander regarding Master and Dafa "covered sky and earth." I missed Master a lot at that time. My mind called out more than once, "Master, where are you?"
When I finally read Master's new articles and lectures I was so excited I could not sleep that night. I copied Master's new lectures and quickly passed them on to other practitioners. I knew that they were all eager to read it!
The cultivation environment changed. Consistent Fa study made me eventually realize Dafa practitioners' responsibilities during the Fa-rectification period. Starting in early 2000, I began to clarify the truth to people. Not having any ready-made truth-clarification material, I wrote them by hand. Practitioners were then mostly clarifying the truth face-to-face. I saw people at all levels of society and at different occasions as good truth-clarification opportunities. I told people not to believe the lies and not to hate Dafa. I told people of Dafa's beauty, and that Dafa brings infinite good fortune to sentient beings.
Clarify the truth steadfastly, openly, and nobly
During that time, many policemen and officials came to my home for a "visit." Facing those "visitors," I held no hatred. I was not anxious or angry. I treated them with a calm manner. When street officials and neighborhood committee members came to my home and panted [from climbing the stairs], I told them that in the past, I panted more severely than they, and sometimes I had to stop and take a rest on the second floor. Ever since I began practicing Falun Gong, I have had no trouble climbing the stairs while carrying a full basket of vegetables. When they heard this they said, "How wonderful!"
Once, my company's top supervisor came to my home. I told him about Dafa's beauty and how it had benefited me. Of those visitors, a certain policeman came most frequently. I told him, "I have treated you as a predestined friend. I have told you these things for your own good." Once he said to me, "I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't." In those times, besides the frequent visitors, my phone rang a lot. Many times they apologized to me for calling and said they were helpless to do otherwise. In that situation, I always told them that it was all right and I didn't blame them. I also told them the fundamental cause of the situation. My workplace officials received orders from their superiors. For a while they picked me up every morning in a car and put me in a small room at work. They sent a company official to "accompany" me. I was sent home at 5 or 6 p. m. In that tiny room, many co-workers came to see me. Some retired workers also came. I was very happy. Wasn't it a great opportunity to clarify the truth? Some of those people believed that I was unfairly treated, while others tried to persuade me to give up Falun Gong for my own safety. Company officials patiently attempted to convince me and asked me to write a certain statement. They said that a few words would suffice. They also told me, "Tell your Master that you don't really mean it, it's just, a way to deal with the assignment." I told them that I could not do that because I cultivated "Truth-Compassion-Forbearance." I must speak the truth, be true to my actions, and treat Master with sincerity. They told me if I did not write it, I might be fired without pay. I would have no money for food in this case, but I still did not write it. I thought that Dafa practitioners would not end up without food. Eventually, they stopped asking me to write the statement and never brought it up again.
One day a company official showed me a "regulatory notice" for Party members. He said that I fit in the regulations, and if I insisted on practicing, I would be "fired." I smiled and said, "You can hold a company meeting, and at the meeting I will tell people about Dafa's beauty and the truth. I am not doing anything wrong to practice Falun Dafa. The government is wrong." In those days, besides being under "special care" during my days at the company, they arranged for people (two company officials and one policeman) to monitor me downstairs in my apartment building at night. It was wintertime and freezing at night. Looking at those people in the cold, I felt sorry for them. They were also victims and should be saved too. Therefore, I brought hot water to them and invited them to my home to warm up. Once, the car driver had a fever and still had to perform his "duty." I prepared sheets and comforters for him. He laid on the bed and slept for a night. When those people "on duty" came to my home, I clarified the truth to them. They truly experienced Dafa's beauty and showed dissatisfaction with their superiors' monitoring arrangements.
In those days of clarifying the truth, I acted openly and nobly. I only hoped that more people were able to hear the truth and be saved. Thinking back, during those times and those opportune days, I should have done better. Because of my limited level, there were things I didn't do. In those days, if I had some kindness, kind words, or kind actions, it was all because Dafa built them into me. They were the results of our magnificent Master's merciful salvation. When people looked at me with admiration and I heard their praises, I felt grateful to Master.
Learning that "cultivation is a serious matter"
As the Fa-rectification process moved forward, with each new lecture from Master, things became more and more clear. His requirements for practitioners became higher and higher. In Master's numerous lectures, he told disciples to read the Dafa books more often and try their best to do the three things well, not to slack off, not to relax, and to walk the final path well. In those years, I was studying the Fa and doing the exercises every day, and I was doing things that Dafa disciple should be doing.
I didn't know when it started, but I suddenly felt that I had changed, and not for the better. One more thing came into my life�"TV. Every day at mealtime or after mealtime, my time was occupied by TV. My heart was moved by the human sentiments on TV shows. I even cried over them sometimes. I also found that I read Zhuan Falun less, and when I picked up the book to read, I became sleepy. In the past I was able to read through one lecture in one or two hours. But several times, I only read three or four pages in two or three hours, and I didn't know what I was reading. The book even fell out of my hands twice! My heart was not calm when I did the sitting meditation and when I sent forth righteous thoughts. As soon as my eyes closed, scenes from the TV showed up in my mind. After the Nine Commentaries was published, I still distributed truth-clarification materials, but my heart was not at ease when clarifying the truth to people face-to-face, especially when persuading them to do withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its related organizations. Sometimes, the words just wouldn't come.
When I realized these things, I became alert. It was not the state a cultivator should be in. It was time to pay attention to this problem. But whenever I found that I didn't study the Fa or I read the book less, I thought to myself, "I did poorly today. Tomorrow, I must study the Fa more and make it up." Whenever I found myself in front of a TV, I thought to myself, "I will quit watching it after these two programs." In this way, day after day, I don't know how much time I wasted that should have been spent studying the Fa! More than once, I silently faced Master's photo and lowered my head. But I often found excuses to ease my anxious heart. When I was with fellow practitioners, I said, "I don't cultivate well at all." But I was really thinking that I cultivated fine! In terms of saving sentient beings, I thought that I had tried my best.
I was single-minded in following Master, so why I was so careless about stepping forward? In fact, Master told disciples more than once that the issue of cultivation was a serious matter. Master said,
"The issue of cultivation practice is not child's play, and neither is it a technique of everyday people�"it is a very serious matter. Whether you want to practice cultivation or are able to practice cultivation depends completely upon how your xinxing is upgraded." ("Lecture Two" in Zhuan Falun, year 2000 translation version)
When Dafa spread in the human world, I was extremely fortunate to have learned it. With Master's merciful salvation, I understood many Fa principles and my responsibilities. I got rid of many dirty things formed in my post-natal life. However, the selfishness and self-serving mindset formed in my post-natal life had deep roots. After learning the Fa, I initially followed Master seriously and carefully. But as time passed, the idea of taking risks came into my cultivation. Seeing my slacking off and self-indulgence, I knew that I was wrong and my heart was restless. I felt that I had disappointed Master and disappointed sentient beings. But deep in my heart, I heard, "You have cultivated for so many years. Although your level is not high, leaving the Three Realms shouldn't be a problem." It was this mindset of "taking risks" that kept me in the state of "being worried about my cultivation in speaking, but not actually in my heart."
In the past, every time I saw examples of practitioners striving forward diligently after Master giving them hints, I often thought, "Wouldn't it be great if Master gave me hints, too?" In fact, I had this kind of dream more than once. In these dreams, I was going to take a school exam. But just before the exam began, I found that I had not finished reviewing and was missing some of my schoolwork. I hadn't memorized or didn't understand some materials. Then I became very anxious, blaming myself and wondering why I hadn't reviewed my schoolwork well. Actually, Master gave me hints more than once. It was because of my poor behavior that I hadn't enlightened to it yet.
We might be able to obtain human things by chance, but cultivation is different. Cultivation requires sincerity. Dafa is sacred, as well as very serious. Master is compassionate. Master doesn't want to lose even one disciple, but Master also has standards. For someone who is irresponsible to himself, how can he be compassionate to sentient beings? How can he possess the capacity described by Master as "the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism." ("Non-omission in Buddha-Nature" from Essentials for Further Advancement) An impure being won't be able to go to Heaven, especially the Heaven that Master created after going through extreme hardship to complete the Fa-rectification. That Heaven is even more incomparably sacred and pure.
After careful examination, I found that I still have a dirty heart and strong attachments. For the longest time, even though I lived in the Communist culture, I didn't follow the CCP's directions and the CCP expelled me for persisting in Dafa cultivation, which I was glad about. Since the Nine Commentaries was published, I had also posted statements on the Internet to withdraw from the Party. However, the CCP's evil elements still influenced me deeply. Some of them I couldn't even feel. In order to get what they want, the old forces make many arrangements, looking for loopholes all the time, aiming to destroy us. Although I want to cultivate to the end, if I don't study the Fa in a careful and calm manner, not paying attention to my own cultivation state, or not correcting the wrongs, it will be dangerous.
Dafa practitioners are created by Dafa and possess abilities and benevolent might given by Dafa. We should be compassionate to sentient beings and be responsible for them and for ourselves.
Our merciful and magnificent Master, I have chosen to follow your footsteps forever. I deeply know that walking well the path you have arranged is not an easy task. There should not be any room for taking risks. I will do well. I will do my best to walk forward, following you always.
