My Challenges in Releasing Attachments

Greetings Master, Greetings everyone.

I became a practitioner in January of 2003. I've had lots of experiences since I started cultivating, and I would like to share some of my experiences over the last year and a half, since the spring of 2005. I will be 78 years old after this month ends. I still continue to cultivate diligently.

My belief had been that in the natural order of things, parents die before their children. In my nuclear family, this was the case. My parents died long ago, and my grandparents before them. However, after losing an adopted daughter (from kidney failure) and a stepdaughter (from ovarian cancer), July and August of 2005 respectively, I learned in November of the same year that my birth daughter had been diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer, a different kind of cancer in each breast. One might say that my resolve was being challenged.

While my stepdaughter and birth daughter had been introduced to Zhuan Falun and the exercises, and they even did the exercises for a while and bought the book, they chose not to follow through with the practice. I was saddened over this.

My birth daughter, having had surgery to remove both breasts, followed by a second surgery three months later to remove what turned out to be five cancerous nodes under her left arm, decided not to go the chemotherapy route, but chose to follow natural healing methods, herbs and the like. As a mother, I had some days struggling over my daughter's situation. Help came while reading Zhuan Falun and being reminded:

"You can't interfere with other people's lives, you can't control their fates, be it your wife's, your kid's, your parents', or your sibling's. Is that something you decide?" ("The Fourth Talk", 2003 translation)

I also read,

"Who is your mother? Who are your children? When you take your last breath no one recognizes anyone, and you still have to pay back the karma you owe."? ("The Sixth Talk", 2003 translation)

I acknowledged that I am her mother in this lifetime and that she has had mothers in past lifetimes and I was not necessarily one of them.

I am grateful to Master for his compassion for us all and the guidance he has provided for us in his lectures and in studying the Fa. If I sound as if this was easy, I assure you it was not. My mind was willing, but my heart has taken a little longer. While my daughters' did not choose to practice Falun Dafa, I find comfort in the fact that they know Falun Dafa is good.

I have also had two experiences personally that challenged me to my core.

1. One night I had been coughing and also felt as if I had to vomit. Suddenly, I found it very difficult to breathe. At first I panicked and thought of calling 911, the number for emergencies. Instead, I called another practitioner and asked for help in sending forth righteous thoughts. She called another practitioner. Struggling to breathe, I decided to not go to a hospital as an ordinary person would, but I sat and listened to Master's lectures on video all night. I began to breathe more easily as the night wore on. By the time dawn was breaking, I had gotten to lecture nine and I was beginning to be sleepy.

2. I had become less than diligent with my practice and my reading due to being so busy with activities and responsibilities. I had begun to experience painful spasms along the right side of my neck. Also, I felt a bit of pain in my chest now and then. On the night of September 3, 2006, I began to feel excruciating pain in my chest and felt as though I was having a heart attack with many of the common heart attack symptoms. Again, calling 911 flashed in my mind. I had a sudden vision of what would be done to me in the hospital and knew that was not what I wanted. I would live or die tonight! I became determined and asked Master for help. Rejecting all thoughts of old forces and demons getting a hold on me, I called the same practitioner as before, explained what was happening and asked for assistance in sending forth righteous thoughts. That was not an easy night and I did not get any sleep. The next morning the chest pains had subsided, but the neck spasm came and went.

The practitioners in our area had decided to have an intensive study on September 4, Labor Day, from 7:30 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. I went to the place for intensive Fa study pretty much worn out. My strength seemed to increase as the day of Fa study progressed. The Chinese practitioners were in one room and the Westerners were in another room of a practitioner's home. The spasms in my neck occurred periodically.

We all took a break for dinner together. The Chinese students had completed the 9 lectures, but we Westerners were on Lecture 6. After we ate together, we separated into our respective groups to continue with where we left off. I had difficulty sitting on the floor all day, so I sat at a desk to continue reading. Suddenly, the pain and spasm in my neck was really difficult to handle. It felt like the muscle, or vein, expanded to an inch width. I looked up and there was a picture of Master on the shelf to my right. I asked for his help as I was about to cry out. The pain in my neck suddenly intensified further, and then just as suddenly was gone.

I knew the attachment of fear had crept in momentarily when thinking of calling 911and that attachment had to be discarded. Since I am standing before you, I guess I made it.

There are several times when I feel I have gotten nudges to remind me I may be slipping in my diligence and I rededicate myself. My understanding is that Master wants everyone to be saved so I refuse to give up.

I choose to do as much as I can, as well as doing some of the things that only I have an opportunity to do. Clarifying the truth to populations that are in my line of contacts and are not accessible to other practitioners is one of them.

I feel that I have had so many experiences but the ones I have talked about here were the most difficult so far.

I am grateful to Master for the opportunity of being here during the time of Fa rectification, and I am grateful to the practitioners who have supported me in my efforts as a practitioner.

Please, kindly correct me if I have said anything inappropriate.

Thank you Master. Thank you all.