(Clearwisdom.net) I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1996. During these past ten years, I have encountered much toil and suffering. Moreover, I experienced frustration and bitterness. I have been persecuted and detained in detention centers and labor camps. I know in my heart that if it were not for Master's great care, I could not have walked the path of cultivation to today.
In the course of my cultivation, my biggest stumbling block has been the attachment of fear. It has had a direct impact on my ability to walk the cultivation path diligently. Fear is also the greatest indication of selfishness that I have discovered. This attachment is deeply ingrained.
I was raised by my stepmother and was very timid growing up. On top of this, I suffered from many political events that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) orchestrated. I have a deep personal understanding of how the CCP is evil and always persecutes its people. At the same time, I have experienced, as well as learned of, much more about the brutal persecution of Falun Dafa. It is my direct experience with persecutions that formed the root of my attachment of fear. Therefore, my cultivation is also a continuous process of eliminating my fears.
In the early spring of 2000, my city organized a group exercise to validate the Fa. After I heard of the plans, I thought, "Should I participate?" My mind engaged in a fierce struggle, because I knew that the police station would surely arrest people. Once arrested, it could involve a series of problems, such as dismissal from work and a loss of salary. I had also never thought of going to prison in my whole life. At that time, I had a serious attachment of fear. I could not eat or sleep well. Finally, my Buddha-nature defeated my human nature. I participated in the collective group exercise activity. This was the first time I made progress in overcoming my attachment of fear.
It has been such a long and arduous process to eliminate my attachment of fear. My home is close to a tourist spot. Every morning I and my husband (a practitioner) would go out to clarify the truth. To have more people hear the truth, we used the method of chatting. We talked to people in the crowd, speaking with one or a few people at a time. It was easy to pick the topics, such as: We have heard that Falun Gong has spread widely in more than 80 countries and regions; Dafa has received more than 1,000 awards and proclamations. All around the world people are praising Falun Gong. We also talked about the self-immolation fabrication and the persecution against Dafa disciples. We clarified the truth each and every day. We wanted to let people understand that Falun Dafa is good so they could be saved. We talked to people everywhere at the tourist spot. Many people who came to do their morning exercises knew us.
Of course, our actions have caught the attention of the authorities as well. There were many times that we escaped from danger under the care of Master. However, during the process of clarifying the truth, I missed many opportunities because of the attachment of fear. Once, we passed by a dozen people who were discussing Falun Gong. One of them said: "There was someone who practiced Falun Gong in my company. Others asked him not to practice anymore. He insisted on not giving it up. Later, he was arrested..." I felt that this was a chance to clarify the truth, but I lost this chance because I was afraid of being reported. Another time I went to get a photo taken for an identification card. The photographer said that by looking at our demeanor and posture we must practice Falun Gong. He said this two or three times. Later on, I realized that this was Master's arrangement for us to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. However, I dared not speak because of fear. At that time, I was thinking that he had my photo negatives and probably worked for the police station. If he reported on us, it would be very accurate. Soon after, I felt regretful. I felt that I had lost another opportunity to clarify the truth.
I tried to seize every opportunity to clarify the truth. I remember once at a wedding, I focused on two tables where many of my friends and relatives sat, to clarify the truth. After speaking, I distributed materials and Dafa amulets. I also tried to convince the people close by to withdraw from the Communist Party, Communist Youth League and the Young Pioneers. With the surroundings so noisy, it did not bring too much attention from others outside the circle. Many people at the table expressed that they would like to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. After the meal, I went to my relatives' home. I explained things thoroughly to my friends and relatives. I talked about the history of the evil party, the Tiananmen Massacre, the Cultural Revolution and the latest crimes committed by the CCP of harvesting organs from living Falun Gong practitioners. Many people were very angry after they heard about these things. The entire family announced that they would withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party and associated organizations right away.
Sometime it feels like I'm overthrowing an independent kingdom in my mind to eliminate the attachment of fear. It is difficult to solve the problem in just a few battles. The struggle happened many times. A while ago, my class was having a reunion. I felt that this was a chance to clarify the facts and decided to attend. Before making the trip, my attachment of fear appeared. I prepared Dafa materials for this event, however I learned that the train station had installed modern inspection technology. Therefore, I tested myself by bringing two amulets (that have words praising Dafa) with me while walking around the safety inspection entrance at the train station. Nothing happened, so the next day, we set out on our trip. After my old classmates and I got together, they said I didn't look old at all. They all talked about their many years of life experience. Faced with so many familiar yet unfamiliar classmates, would anyone laugh at me and think me superstitious, ignorant or even be against me if I spoke about Falun Dafa? I was also afraid to interfere with this friendly atmosphere...
Then I remembered what Master said:
"The fact is, those who can't step forward, regardless of the excuse, are concealing fear. Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's] humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human attachment that a cultivator must remove."("Study the Fa Well, and Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard")
I became determined to clarify the truth. My first sentence was: "Everyone here is saying that I have good health. Do you want to know why? Because I practice Falun Gong. This is the most fortunate thing that has happened in my lifetime." I talked about what Falun Gong is and why Jiang Zemin persecuted Falun Gong, as well as the fact that Hong Kong, Macao and the rest of the world have praised Falun Gong. All my classmates listened quietly. Some even nodded. I realized that Dafa had played a great role in their hearts. I could not say out loud how happy I was. My experience once again proved that only by getting rid of fear and human notions can one eliminate the old forces' interference and accomplish the task of saving people, as Master can then create a good environment for us.
Based on my past experiences, the results would not be so good if I tried to persuade my classmates to quit the CCP directly at the conference itself. Therefore, I tried to convince them to do so after the meeting. Some of my classmates expressed that they would like to withdraw from the CCP. During this class reunion, once again I got rid of my attachment of fear and did what a Dafa practitioner should do. Over the years, among my friends and relatives, classmates and co-workers, approximately 70% of them have withdrawn from the CCP.
These are just some of my experiences in clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings. Of course, this is far from meeting the requirements of Dafa. I will strive harder to study the Fa more and firmly walk the cultivation path that Master has arranged for us.
May 4, 2007
