(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings Honorable Master!
Greetings fellow practitioners!
Today I want to share with you my experiences since I obtained the Fa one year ago.
Today while I am standing here, I have all kinds of feelings welling up in my heart. This time last year, I was still hesitating at the door of Dafa. I was not sure whether I should step into Dafa or not. I was curiously observing a group of Dafa cultivators. Today I have become one of the Dafa disciples who all the lives in the universe admire. Since I became a Dafa disciple, I have missed many opportunities, passed many tests, and have also witnessed the greatness of Dafa.
1. Improving Xinxing in Cultivating Dafa
When I first made the decision to cultivate Dafa, I had a very strong attachment. I wanted to get a Falun and to experience what it feels like when it rotates inside my body. Although what really convinced me were the profound principles of Falun Dafa, I still had this attachment. When I just started to learn Falun Dafa, I was always fond of asking veteran practitioners about their Falun and how it felt inside their bodies. However I myself did not experience any feeling of a rotating Falun at all. After I continued to study the Fa more deeply and experience how profound the Fa principles are, I released this attachment.
One day I read an experience-sharing article on the Clearwisdom website about reciting the Fa. I thought I would never be able to recite the whole book Zhuan Falun, but at least I should learn to recite Lunyu. So I started to learn it. When I finished reciting the first paragraph, I felt that there was something pulsating inside my lower abdomen. At that time, I did not pay much attention to it. However when I continued reciting, there were several more pulsations in my lower abdomen. I thought it was very interesting. However I still did not associate it with having anything to do with Falun, because I had believed that Falun should have a kind of spinning feeling. When I continued on the second and third day reciting Lunyu, the pulsation in my lower abdomen became more and more obvious. Even when I was not studying the Fa, I would also feel the pulsation from time to time. Later I found from the experience-sharing on the website that some practitioners mentioned that they experienced the turning of Falun as a pulsation in their lower abdomen. I suddenly understood that the feeling that I had was the spinning of Falun. From this experience I understood the principle of gaining without pursuit. The more you pursue, the less you get.
Before I started cultivation, I believed that I was a good person. I did not lie much and I had sympathy. Falun Gong teaches Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance, and I believed my inborn quality was not bad, and I could actually do Truthfulness and Compassion, but needed to work on cultivating Tolerance. However after I genuinely started cultivation, I found that I was very far behind in meeting the requirements of Dafa. I soon realized that it was not only Tolerance I needed to cultivate but also Truthfulness and Compassion. For example, once someone asked me for directions and although I knew, it was too difficult and too much trouble to explain it to him, so I simply said that I did not know. After that person left, I understood that I had not conformed to the standard of a cultivator at all. Before cultivating, every day I made up all these kinds of lies, and never ever did I think that it was not right. Instead I believed that I was not harming anyone and that I only lied because I did not want the trouble or did not want to lose face so they did not count as real lies. But after cultivating Dafa, whenever I did something like this, immediately I realized that this was not right. I cautioned myself that I should act like a cultivator, and I should never lie.
In terms of compassion, I did even worse. When I first started to help promote the Chinese New Year Spectacular, I had very poor xinxing. When I gave out flyers, very few people took them. When facing someone who refused politely, I was still ok. But when someone gave me a superior look or swore at me, I would start arguing with them. After studying the Fa, I realized that this state of mind was not right. Under all circumstances, we should treat people kindly. It should not be that when people are nice to us, we are nice to them, but when people curse us, we should curse them more in return. That is not what a practitioner is supposed to do. After acknowledging this point, I reminded myself to maintain my xinxing while handing out flyers. Gradually I found more and more people accepted my flyers. When I had compassion in my heart, even if people laughed at me, cursed me or treated me with coldness, I found that I could face them calmly.
Also I have improved my enlightenment quality. This year at the Lantern Festival Evening Party organized by the Epoch Times, I suddenly experienced very serious sickness karma. I had chest pains and could hardly breathe. The next evening was the Spectacular. I felt somewhat better, but the day after, I had the same sickness karma, and it felt like it was getting worse. It was even difficult to walk. When I moved or breathed even a little bit, my chest would become so painful. For those several days, I practiced the exercises and studied the Fa, however I did this with an attachment of pursuit. I learned from other practitioners' experience that if I just ignored it and continued to study the Fa and do the exercises, that things will turn out fine. However when I was studying the Fa, I was thinking: "How come I am not getting better yet. I have finished one chapter and one set of exercises already so how come I still feel so bad. How come the other practitioners get better so quickly. How come I am not getting any better." Plus I was not able to tell whether this was evil interference or whether it was because of my own karma so I did not really know how to deal with it. I also sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil, but it did not work.
Now when I look back, although I do not believe that I was wrong in what I was doing, my biggest mistake was that I did not let go of my attachment of wanting to get rid of my sickness. For the next several days, I still did not improve. I even had a thought of going to the hospital to get checked out. Luckily whenever this thought came up, I suppressed it. Later on I thought that no matter if it was evil interference, or my own attachment, it could do whatever it wanted to. I had obtained the Fa already so I wouldn't be afraid even if it wanted to do something to me. I continued studying the Fa and doing the exercises. But this time it was not for the purpose of getting rid of the illness. I had the righteous thought that I had no illness whereas before I thought like a normal person, and studied the Fa and did the exercises like a normal person. I still recall at that time, a friend asked me how my illness was. I smiled and said that I was ok, and that it was nothing bad. He was surprised to hear this. "You think it is nothing bad when you actually feel so uncomfortable." So I took this opportunity and clarified the truth to him about Falun Gong. When I did not take the sickness as an issue, it turned out that I passed this test very quickly and the next day I felt much better. Two days later I had completely recovered and found that I could do the sitting meditation for the whole hour whereas before the maximum time I could sit was only 40 minutes. This test also gave me some direct benefits. Through this test I also improved my enlightenment quality, and began to understand more of the Fa principles. After passing this test, I enlightened to the fact that on the path of cultivation, no matter what happens whether good or bad, I will look at it as something good. Ever since then, I have no longer been afraid of being sick.
Of course in cultivating Dafa, the ways that I have improved my xinxing are not just limited to just these. When I have compassion, when others treat me badly, I can now face it calmly. When I am broad-minded, I understand why we will feel as boundless as the sea and sky if we can but take a step back.
2. Master Has Been Taking Care of Me
On the path of cultivation, I can always feel Master's care. I still recall that soon after I obtained the Fa and was listening to the part in Master's lectures when Master teaches about the celestial eye, I could really feel that the flesh on my forehead was squeezing together. Although I could see nothing through my celestial eye, the feeling was very clear. When I listened to the lecture about eating meat, I felt like vomiting. I did not want to eat meat, and the moment I thought of meat, I felt like vomiting.
When I started cultivation, I was not clear why we should study so much Fa. After reading Zhuan Falun several times, I felt that I understood it pretty well. But I did not understand why Master said that we had to study more Fa, and that if we studied more Fa, we would upgrade ourselves. I always had the attachment of pursuit, trying to understand things by reading between the lines for deeper understandings. However when I did this, I could see nothing. I hoped that Master would enlighten me to why we should study the Fa more. One day I had a dream. In the dream I was reading Zhuan Falun. In the process of reading, the skin on my body broke off, just like a layer of shell, and it fell off piece by piece. It was all black, like the leaves in autumn that were dried and dead. The new skin came out from inside, clean and delicate, just like the skin of a newborn baby. I enlightened that whenever you finish reading Zhuan Falun, it will take a shell of skin off you. Later I did not try to deliberately search for the deep meaning between the lines, but instead I read it quietly with no pursuit. In this way, I enlightened to many of the Fa-principles that I had not seen before.
In the process of cultivation, I also took a detour. For once I even almost gave up cultivation. It is Master who hinted to me and dragged me back from the verge of degeneration. Last October, I was working hard to finish my thesis at school and also working in a factory so I had very little free time. Facing this kind of situation, instead of paying close attention to studying the Fa, I sought ease and comfort. Whenever I had some time, I would either rest or surf ordinary websites. Gradually I drifted farther and farther away from the Fa. One day I even lit a cigarette. I had already quit smoking and drinking, however on that day, I could not control myself.
When I was smoking, I asked myself: "Are you still a cultivator? Do you still want to cultivate Dafa?" Even though I knew Dafa was good, I was controlled by the thought karma, and could not find my true self. I wanted to return to my original self, but I was also infatuated with the ordinary people's life. I did not want to face the tribulations in cultivation. For that period of time, I sank into degradation, feeling that I was not worthy of obtaining the Fa and not worthy of being saved by Master. I dared not even stand in front of Master's photo. I was afraid of seeing Master's serious facial expression after seeing my actions.
One night I had a dream. In the dream, a teacher at my school wanted to take me to a place. He was leading me down the road by driving ahead and I was following behind. However he was driving so fast that I found it difficult to keep up and follow. When we came to a hill, I felt that I could not follow any more, so I followed a bicycle that came out from nowhere and went into a dead-end alley, where there was nothing, and it was very dark and cold. I could not advance, nor could I retreat. I wanted to go back to the place where my teacher wanted me to go, but I could not find the road, and I did not have a map. When I did not know which way to go, the teacher came up again. He asked me why didn't I follow him, and also said if I wanted to go to the place, I should follow him. He also said my resignation report had been handed in. I was so shocked and said that I did not want to resign, and then I woke up with a start. When I recalled the details of the dream, it was very clear that Master had hinted to me the fact that only by following Master could I go to the place where I wanted to go. Master wanted me to keep up with the Fa-rectification process. Otherwise he wouldn't take care of me anymore. When I understood this, I was so scared that I was covered in a cold sweat all over my body. I kept asking myself: "Do you still want to cultivate? Does Master still care about me? If asked to give up Dafa, I was unwilling. However if I continued in cultivation, would Master still take me back?" At this time, my wife also started to cultivate. Following her, I started to study the Fa and do the exercises again, and I also joined in the Fa study group and started to do the three things with fellow practitioners and to hasten my steps in keeping up with the Fa-rectification process. After this incident happened, I cherished this Fa even more and I cherished more this opportunity of cultivation that I can hardly have in millions of years, and I cherish more this path that takes me back to my true original self.
When looking back over my cultivation during the past year, there have been many hardships and discoveries and getting rid of attachments that cause pain and that cut deep into my heart. But it cannot match the happiness I feel when I enlighten to deeper meanings of the Fa. There was the huge scare when I drifted away from Dafa, but also the relief and sense of calm when I returned to cultivating. What touches me the most is the fact that I am so fortunate. I am so fortunate that I can hardly believe that this is true. In the Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference, answering a new practitioner's question, Master said,
"To those Dafa disciples who have just obtained the Fa, I say that you are so fortunate. "
Hearing this, I could not help but shed tears. Yes, I am so fortunate. Without facing all the tests and tribulations that veteran practitioners have faced, I can still assist Master in rectifying the Fa in the final stage of the Fa-rectification cultivation. Only by cultivating diligently will I be able to repay Master's compassion and grace.
Thank you Master! Thank you everyone!
