(Clearwisdom.net)
I started to practice Falun Gong on May 1, 1997, right after I delivered a new baby. After that I set up a practice site at my home and fellow practitioners usually watched the Fa lecture videos at my home. Because my baby was very little, I was afraid that he may disturb our Fa study. In addition, I was so busy with my work that I could hardly spare time to study Fa or do the Falun Gong exercises with fellow practitioners. Because I seldom contacted fellow practitioners, I always studied and practiced Falun Gong alone and was not diligent in my cultivation or clear about the principles of the Fa.
On July 20, 1999, I was somehow lost about what was going on. I was apathetic toward all the propaganda on television, radio and newspapers that slandered and defamed Falun Gong and I refused to read or watch any of it. Because I failed to genuinely learn the Fa before, I did not go out to defend Teacher and Dafa and failed to protect the Fa when my family members burned my Dafa books behind my back out of their fear of the persecution. When I finally learned about this I was completely lost and depressed: "There is already nothing for me to study now that the Dafa books have been burnt." Then I flew into a rage and refuted fiercely with my family members, until they promised me that they would find a new copy of Zhuan Falun for me. Later, I came to understand that this had happened because I failed to respect the Fa and Teacher when I treated Dafa books carelessly.
Because of my attachment of fear, I seldom did truth clarification or validated the Fa. I remained in this status until 2004. One day, when I was doing some work at my office, I opened my email box and found a lot of new emails that I had never read before. The email account was assigned by my working unit and I had never used it before. I opened these emails and found that they contained truth clarification materials from fellow practitioners overseas, which included the method of how to log on to the Clearwisdom website. I started to test it and it was not long before I successfully opened the Clearwisdom homepage. I was very excited when I saw the image of Teacher and I knew that this happened because of Teacher's compassionate arrangement. I was very grateful to my fellow practitioners overseas. From then on, I started to improve myself in my cultivation.
I came to know some other fellow practitioners. I downloaded materials from Clearwisdom website and printed it with the printer in my office and distributed the copies among fellow practitioners. As the Fa-rectification progresses and out of concern for security, practitioners are required to set up as many truth clarification sites in as many places as possible. I wanted to buy a computer and set up a truth clarification site at my home. I talked this over with fellow practitioners and they agreed. Then, just like that, we set up a new truth clarification site. Later on, because of the need for technical exchanges, I came to know more fellow practitioners. Because I studied computer science in the past, I took the responsibility of setting up and maintaining the truth clarification sites and instructed fellow practitioners in techniques.
Many fellow practitioners had to start from the very beginning because they were not well-educated and had never worked with a computer before. When a computer was installed at a truth clarification site, I had to instruct them step by step on things like Internet surfing, downloading, printing, and editing. Sometimes I had to go 3 or 4 times. When they were puzzled by some trivial problems I had to go to help. For instance, I had been to a material site over ten times, yet they still had problems, over which I was quite annoyed: "Why can't you learn such simple things?" I do not have much spare time besides Fa study and my work in my usual life. I arrived at the fellow practitioner's home with anger in my heart. When I opened the Clearwisdom homepage and saw Teacher's latest article "A Will that Ebbs Not," my discontentment disappeared right away. Compassionate Teacher gave me a hint that, "... the countless years of hardship were all for this time." Then I solved the problem and patiently answered the technical questions from the fellow practitioner.
The process of dealing with technical problems in validating the Fa is also a process of improving myself. I used to cultivate alone at home and did not contact other practitioners. Now I can be with fellow practitioners and exchange cultivation experiences with them, which helps me quite a lot. Despite the fact that I fell behind in Fa rectifications, compassionate Teacher is taking care of me nonetheless and is helping me to remove my attachment of fear.
In the beginning, when I installed computers, I always went to other cities or the home of fellow practitioners who did not know me, because I thought it was safer for me if they did not know me. Later, when local practitioners asked me to install computers, my attachment of fear arose because I was afraid that it would be risky if they knew me. After hesitating for a whole day, I thought: "I have made a pledge to Teacher and descended to the human world with great courage. I am here to do this. If I fail my pledge, I will be ashamed to see my Teacher!" With this righteous thought, my fear was gone and, consequently, the material site was set up successfully.
In November 2004, the "Epoch Times" published Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and we started to save sentient beings by urging them to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. I started to do this with the acquaintances around me. The first person I urged to quit the CCP was a colleague of mine in my office. I talked with him about quitting the CCP when we were on break from work. I also copied an electronic version of Zhuan Falun for him to read. In the beginning he agreed that the CCP is bad but refused to quit the CCP by saying that he would do this later. To break the blocks in his mind, I read Teacher's articles to him. After numerous efforts, he finally agreed to quit. Considering the fact that my colleagues in our office might be worried, I always gave them truth clarification materials and urged them to quit the CCP when there were no other people around. I sometimes focus on a person all the way to clarify the truth until he quits the CCP. Of course, the whole process can be hard and slow.
In my cultivation there is still much I fail to do well and I still have many attachment like selfishness, fear, seeking comfort, reluctance to hear suggestions and human sentiments. These are to be removed in the future. I will take the opportunity of my exchanges with others as a new starting point to do the three things diligently and fulfill my prehistoric wish to save sentient beings and return to my true home with Teacher.
Due to the fact that my cultivation level is limited, please kindly point out anything improper.
