(Clearwisdom.net) On July 7, 2008, at around 11:30 a.m., policemen broke into my home and took me to a detention center,. Later they transferred me to a forced labor camp. I began a hunger strike that lasted eleven days. The labor camp officials refused to keep me there because I did not pass the physical exam, and I was released. Thanks to Master's compassion, I was free again.
After my release, I studied the Fa carefully. After sending forth righteous thoughts and looking inward, I found my loopholes. I wanted to share my findings to hopefully help fellow practitioners learn from these mistakes.
- When I saw other practitioners arrested, detained, or sentenced, I did not help them, but instead blamed them for not doing well. I felt that they should do things this way or that way. Subconsciously I thought that if I were arrested, I should do this and that. These were my loopholes, and a tribulation came because I asked for it.
- Being stubborn, I tend to think highly of my own opinion and want to validate myself. I focused on others' shortcomings rather than on their strengths. Whenever there was a problem or conflict, I jumped to conclusions and passed judgment on other practitioners. Even after this happened several times, I was still not aware that I had hurt others and hurt them deeply.
- I pushed others to do things that they did not want to do. I was arrested and did not pass a physical exam, but they still held me at the police station. I waited for hours, and I thought, "I have to go home. I should not let them persecute me." I asked Master in my heart, "Why won't they release me?" I began look for things that I didn't do well in the past, and I was shown this scene. An elderly practitioner had poor eyesight, so other practitioners had to help him distribute Falun Gong informational materials because he kept bumping into things. Fellow practitioners told me about this, but I was not considerate and continued to give him large quantities of materials, thus making things difficult for him. After I saw the scene, I knew that I was wrong.
- I like to do everything on a large scale. Sometimes when there was no need for a large quantity of a particular brochure, I still bought a lot, using the money that fellow practitioners entrusted me with. I also produced a lot of materials, regardless of how much those who distributed them could take. I would think to myself that I was helping them to make more efforts for Dafa, but I did not consider each person's situation and made things difficult for them.
- I did not pay attention to sending righteous thoughts. During the past several years of sending righteous thoughts, I felt drowsy and I could not keep my palm upright as soon as I closed my eyes. My hands got very close to each other when I held the lotus palm position. Other practitioners reminded me many times, but I did not change. At midnight, I often fell asleep while sending righteous thoughts.
I also have other attachments which I should have gotten rid of already. When I think back on the mistakes that I have made, I feel very ashamed. I will cultivate based on Master Li's teachings and improve as soon as possible.
