(Clearwisdom.net) I was lax in my Fa study since I began cultivation in 2002, losing myself in my role of mother and in the comforts of life. I used my work schedule and the young age of my child as reasons for not completing the exercises. I practiced at home on and off. Because I did not participate in group practice, I did not study and practice on a regular basis. Although I knew Falun Gong to be good for me, I had not felt the real meaning of being a Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioner. My husband had been practicing for three years already. In some way, I interfered with my husband's cultivation.
At the end of April in 2003, the volunteer coordinator and some fellow practitioners came to the area where I lived. They helped my husband and me to escape isolation. We became involved in Fa-rectification activities. I found out then that our area had never seen such a small scale of Fa-rectification activity. I understood that Master had actually arranged this small-scale activity, because Master does not want to leave even one practitioner behind.
I was not accustomed to cultivation because I lagged behind. Many of the practitioners in my area were older people. They enjoyed sharing information, such as changes in their bodies, and the supernatural abilities that they had, as well as their gratitude toward Master. I did not begin cultivation because of medical issues nor because of life issues. Their stories made me uncomfortable. Having read Master's lectures, I would use the teachings to "prove" I was not in pursuit of anything and that my level was higher. Only when I became aware of the lack of healing effects [on me] did it occur to me I did not firmly believe in Dafa and Master. I also did not go to the practice site every morning in all weather, and neither did I clarify the truth to everyone I met. Compared to the practitioners I had formerly mentioned, my human pride and arrogance had me measure and judge fellow practitioners, but I failed to see my own incorrect thought processes, an impure state.
Once I abandoned some of my arrogance I could better understand Master's boundless and mighty mercy for me. Gradually, I was also able to understand the duties that Fa-rectification Dafa practitioners have. Since then I have attended many training classes for practitioners to learn how to use certain tools to help explain the facts about Dafa. Many practitioners were in charge of multiple tasks, which deeply moved me, and I quickly learned how to use some of the on-line tools. Other practitioners then began to depend on me to do more and more tasks, making me feel the pressure of time. I would daily worry about my unfinished "responsibilities." Once people from an experience-sharing web space we created asked me to post some of my personal cultivation experiences, to encourage more practitioners to join our group. Even though I sat in front of my computer for a long time, I could not find anything to write about. Several days later I realized that was not normal. I studied the Fa with a very calm mind.
Master said:
"No matter how much work a person in charge has done among everyday people, he is working for Dafa out of his own will. The success of his work is only a manifestation among ordinary humans. It is the mighty power of Dafa itself and the specific arrangements made by my Law Bodies that enable people to obtain the Fa and spread the Fa widely. Without my Law Bodies doing these things, even protecting the people in charge could hardly be ensured, let alone spreading the Fa widely. So don't always think of yourselves too highly. There is no fame, self-interest, or official titles in Dafa, but only cultivation practice." ("A Heavy Blow" in Essentials for Further Advancement")
It was indeed a heavy blow for me! By then I was acutely aware of my attitudes. Even though I was doing numerous Dafa tasks, because my mind was not focused on offering people salvation, I lacked the wisdom to do this job wisely. I was simply a machine that functioned well. I could send the jobs to people, but that was it. Looking deeply into the roots of my problems, my notions to make a good impression and have other practitioners consider me responsible tripped me up. These attachments had turned Dafa-cultivation upside down. I realized that practitioners who could genuinely tell people the facts about Dafa were the ones who had continually studied the Fa and cultivated steadily, even though they did not have "my skills".
In mid-2004, on the recommendation of several practitioners, I joined the Minghui websites team for compiling materials. They needed practitioners to commit constant time and effort for periodic tasks. Regretfully, even after Falun Gong and practitioners had been persecuted for five years, I had seldom read the articles in the "Facts of the Persecution" section of the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. Instead, I had always chosen to read articles about "Practitioners Exchange Insights and Experiences" and "People's Hearts Determine Their Futures." In retrospect, I simply practiced self-cultivation and still harbored some inappropriate thoughts.
For many reasons, the workload at the Minghui website was huge. We needed excellent cooperation among the practitioners because of the detailed tasks. I took over the role as a coordinator and was faced with a series of tests and difficulties. Each case of breaking through a barrier was like shedding a layer of skin. Trudging along the path I felt deeply that our merciful Master has dragged and pushed me to the point I am now. Thank you, Master!
The cooperation and collaboration seemed successful to begin with. Overall, practitioners would cooperate well. Being a relatively new practitioner made me feel inadequate in my diligence. This clouded my vision as to what my role would mean, and I lacked a clear focus of how I could play any role in the development of the material database. Only when the Minghui editor pointed out that our team's thoughts had gone off track, did I realize that my not studying the Fa well was the reason for my somewhat irresponsible approach to my tasks.
Let me tell you how I walked unnecessary miles and the lessons that I learned in my cultivation practice.
Earlier I mentioned that practitioners cooperated well. Perhaps we were unaware of how to go about our work. We also limited our perceptions and mistakenly believed that our major job was to collect information but forgot that truth-clarification and offering salvation to sentient beings were our actual goals.
We had expected advice and suggestions from the North American coordinator, when we had actually added additional tribulations and xinxing tests for him. After a while we came to realize it was all because of our failure to work as a whole body and had always waited for others to solve our problems.
Due to a lack of common understanding, our editing jobs eventually became more difficult because our team did not have a common understanding. We regarded "exposing the torture methods" as our sole editing focus and ignored the bigger picture. We added more than 400 new "types of persecution." It seemed that we only exposed the evil persecution. Editing took longer and longer because we added every detail, making it a lengthy process to scan the whole document. We were missing the point of truth-clarification. This time all of us became quickly aware of the problems and immediately corrected them. Had we not done so, the loss would have been immeasurable.
After that we extended group study time. We categorized the projects and gained a deeper understanding of the nature and the real meaning of the editing jobs from the perspective of the Fa. We learned that sharing among us was for the purpose of encouraging each other to improve.
Master said:
"The cultivation practice form that I have left for Dafa disciples ensures that disciples can truly improve themselves. For example, I ask you to do the exercises as a group in parks in order to form an environment. This environment is the best way to change the surface of a person. The lofty conduct that Dafa disciples have established in this environment--including every word and every deed--can make people recognize their own weaknesses and identify their shortcomings; it can move their hearts, refine their conduct, and enable them to make progress more rapidly." ("Environment" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Since that adjustment, each one of us has been capable of carrying out his or her editing job individually. Yet, right then, a few practitioners asked to quit their editing jobs because of their involvement in specific other Dafa tasks. That presented us on the team with a challenge. We had never had enough manpower to begin with. At first I used a strong human mindset and emotions to try to convince them not to quit. Although they temporarily agreed not to quit, I felt as if a thousand-pound load sat on my shoulders. I complained and let them know they were treating me wrongfully. I believed that those practitioners did not take the whole body as their priority and that they failed to fulfill their promises. I tried hard to control my emotions in group-study. Yet, unintentionally, I sounded accusing.
Master said:
"Forbearance is the key to improving one's xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator." ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" in Essentials For Further Advancement)
The anger hidden inside me for the previous several days suddenly dissolved. Right! That was actually a test for me. But instead of searching inside myself, I had tried to push it away from me.
After a certain period of editing, the amount of information we collected also increased. It was time for us to add additional information to some incidents. Hence, how to compile the scattered sources into complete cases became another test for all of us. At first we came up with an easy idea: to use a code to distinguish a certain type of report, but eventually it proved to be inappropriate. The coding system messed up the organization of the paragraphs, and the phrases and terms were not coherent. We came up with a massive collection of disorderly, scrambled information instead of a brief introduction. We did not take immediate action to solve the problem. Knowing it took time to sort out all the information, and considering the volume of cases for us to expose, we just removed the parts we were working on and left the whole database in chaos without doing anything to it. What was left was disorderly information, not very useful in exposing the persecution, much less offering sentient beings salvation. What we actually did for lack of improving our xinxing amounted to sidestepping the difficulties when they arose. We were being selfish.
Master said:
"The Minghui website's role in clarifying the truth is irreplaceable. It's the most important window through which we get the truth out about the persecution and the overall situation of Dafa and Dafa disciples' validating the Fa. When it comes to the things of Dafa disciples, you should always cooperate with each other and work well together." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference")
Every single word in this part of the lecture hit me like a thunder bolt. The words woke me up. From then on I could adjust my mentality in my job for the Minghui website.
We were always behind other segments of the website with our jobs. We tried to get better but did not make much progress. I felt pressured. In February 2007 a coordinator from North America told us that to cooperate with the process of Fa-rectification, our team's work might be put on hold so that we could do some other tasks. Hearing that, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt sorry for having failed to meet Master's and our fellow practitioners' expectations. I deeply regretted this and blamed myself.
Master said:
"Don't miss this predestined chance. What's so hard about it? Think about it, [and you will see that] this is about not cherishing enough your predestined opportunity to cultivate, about not cherishing the Fa enough, and not cherishing your own life enough. When you truly understand these things, you will do well." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005 (Lecture and Q&A)")
Suddenly I realized the root of my problems that had hidden inside me for several years: I did not cherish enough my predestined opportunity to cultivate.
Master said:
"I don't like it when you blame yourselves, it's completely pointless. I'll just repeat what I said: If you've fallen, don't just lie there; get up right away!" ("Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
This time I finally understood. No matter what projects I'm in, once I understand their importance, I should do my best. After realizing this, I laid aside my attachments to "time," and constantly maintained a stable cultivation status. I used every minute wisely to do my jobs well. After a while, when I asked the coordinator when we would need to transfer to the new tasks, he told me we could continue with our current jobs because things had changed. I knew that merciful Master had helped me again. He offered us another opportunity to carry out our promises. Thank you, Master!
The three years of editing and coordinating work relating to the persecution helped me gain different kinds of knowledge. I found my many hidden attachments. Sometimes it looked like that I had gotten rid of them, yet after a while they would recur. I progressed slowly and stumbled along the way. I have learned that a coordinator needs to take care of many responsibilities. Although I am still full of shortcomings and I may not have met all the requirements, I am determined that I will be more diligent on the path of Fa-rectification.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(2007 Selected Experience Sharing Articles on Minghui)