(Clearwisdom.net) For the past two to three months, I was mired in an unhealthy state of mind and body. I struggled a lot but was unable to rectify my condition. Since I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998 I was pretty confident in my ability to overcome all kinds of adversity. But this time I felt lost and confused, feelings that I had never encountered before. I couldn't attain peace of mind when I studied the Fa, making it difficult to overcome the problem. Shortly before the 2008 Chinese New Year, because of Teacher's arrangement, I managed to obtain a copy of "Fa-Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners". After I watched the Fa lecture, I suddenly woke up and identified my problem. It was because I had become rather complacent that I started to avoid clarifying the truth. As a result, the evil from other dimensions exploited my loophole and caused me to deviate from the righteous path.
During the first few years of the persecution of Falun Gong, I was very devoted to clarifying the truth and I had learned quite a few technical skills to assist me. For a period of time I felt I was becoming really good at it; however, I became arrogant because of my "accomplishments." I became increasingly complacent and started to seek bigger Dafa projects and to look for shortcuts. I appeared to be focusing primarily on ending the persecution and hoping the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) would collapse as soon as possible. As a result, I began to neglect truth-clarification work.
In hindsight, I identified selfishness in many of my thoughts. First, I sought comfort; I didn't want to clarify the truth because I wanted to have a comfortable life. I no longer wanted to live with the many unreasonable restrictions set by the CCP. I wanted to be able to save sentient beings comfortably. Second, I sought fame and self-interest; I wanted to solve my career problem. (Before the persecution began, I had a very enviable job.) I sought status and power among everyday people because I didn't want to put up with being disrespected by those who did not understand Falun Gong any more.
When I calmed down and reflected on my thoughts, I realized that there was something behind my thoughts that wanted the Fa-rectification to end as soon as possible because it did not want to change itself. If the Fa-rectification would end quickly, then perhaps it could get away with not changing itself. No matter what it is, I felt that it would disintegrate as long as I thought about the Fa and guided myself according to the Fa.
As I am writing this article, my eyes are welling up with tears. I thank Teacher from the bottom of my heart for His compassionate salvation. This is a feeling I have never felt before.
I have so much to say, but don't know where to start. I hope this article will inspire those fellow practitioners who share similar problems. I hope that we will cherish our time more and do the three things better so as not to waste Teacher's compassionate salvation. Heshi.
